The Passion of the Toast

Several entries ago I made mention of my trip to Mount Vernon, Iowa to help celebrate Catherine Quehl Engel's 40th birthday and that while I was there, her husband Craig told me of an idea for a song that he and his friend, Jeff Lloyd Jones had written a few lines for while on a float trip.

The song, "I Saw Jesus On My Tortilla" is based on the great to-do made over a grilled cheese sandwich about 10 years ago. It seems that one Diana Duyser of Hollywood, (where else) California, became convinced that she had cooked up an image of the Virgin Mary for breakfast. When she took her first bite, "I spit it back out," she recalled.

"I was shocked. It scared me, really," she said, sporting a T-shirt declaring: "Passion of the Toast" superimposed at the bottom of the sandwich. "I would like all people to know that I do believe that this is the Virgin Mary, Mother of God."

Duyser, a work-from-home jewelry designer, said she took a bite after making the sandwich and saw a face staring back at her. She put the sandwich in a clear plastic box with cotton balls and kept it on her night stand. She said the sandwich has never sprouted a spore of mold.

She obviously was not deeply moved enough by this religious experience to let it get in the way of making a good deal of money for herself. She put it up for sale on eBay, drawing a high bid of $22,000 before eBay pulled the posting saying that it broke its policy of not allowing listings that are intended as jokes.

But Duyser said the grilled cheese was no joke and it was put back on auction through GoldenPalace.com, eventually selling for $28,000.

Now, that is indeed a miracle! The miracle is that someone has that much money with that small an intellect!

So I sat down the other day, no doubt moved by The Holy Spirit, and wrote the following:

I saw Jesus
On my tortilla
Under the salsa, lettuce and the cheeses
Yes, I saw Jesus
On my tortilla
Oh Lord! Take this heart burn away!

I was an unbeliever
When Diana Duyser said
She saw the Virgin Mary
On her toasted bread
And I laughed out loud
at the image of Christ upon a cloud
Lock those loonies up and throw the key away

But then I saw Jesus
On my tortilla
Under the salsa, lettuce and the cheeses
Yes, I saw Jesus
On my tortilla
Oh Lord! Take this heart burn away!

Now I'm a believer
Heed the Word I say
I saw the eyes of St. Peter
On a potato yesterday
It will be a miracle
When I have no more bills to pay
I'll sell my Holy Relics
on eBay

(repeat chorus)

copyright: July 9, 2007 (Craig Engel, Jeff Lloyd Jones, Larry Heagle)

I shall now begin experimenting with my own grilled cheese sandwiches. Diana claims to have made her sandwich in a pan without any butter or oil, further adding to the miracle mystique. I intend to experiment with butter or margarine in a squeeze bottle which will give me some control on my bread canvas.

I'll let you know how it turns out!


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