HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN:

HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN - city of big bottoms and small minds.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

THE MYTHS OF GUN OWNERSHIP

In following up to my recent post of the National Rifle Association's new president-elect having a son serving a 10 year sentence for use of a fire arm in a case of road rage, I found the article "Ten Pro-Gun Myths" quite revealing.

Today I wrote to both Senator Tammy Baldwin and "the dumbest senator ever elected from Wisconsin", Ron Johnson. To Ms. Baldwin I expressed disbelief that according to a recent news article, she is changing her attitude towards guns, leaving the anti-gun camp for the pro-gun believers, proving once again, I think, that to politicians, it's not what they truly believe but what will get them elected next time around that is most important. As Bob Dylan once said: "You don't need a weatherman to tell which way the wind blows."

To both the senators I expressed that I am a gun owner and that I believe if you cannot get your deer with a single shot, you have no business being in the woods!

I know I sure as hell wouldn't want to be in a hunting party with Ron Johnson!!!!



10 Pro-Gun Myths, Shot Down
Fact-checking some of the gun lobby's favorite arguments shows they're full of holes.
—By Dave Gilson | Thu Jan. 31, 2013 4:01 AM PST
1184

By cutting off federal funding for research and stymieing data collection and sharing, the National Rifle Association has tried to do to the study of gun violence what climate deniers have done to the science of global warming. No wonder: When it comes to hard numbers, some of the gun lobby's favorite arguments are full of holes.

Myth #1: They're coming for your guns.
Fact-check: No one knows the exact number of guns in America, but it's clear there's no practical way to round them all up (never mind that no one in Washington is proposing this). Yet if you fantasize about rifle-toting citizens facing down the government, you'll rest easy knowing that America's roughly 80 million gun owners already have the feds and cops outgunned by a factor of around 79 to 1.


Sources: Congressional Research Service (PDF), Small Arms Survey

Myth #2: Guns don't kill people—people kill people.
Fact-check: People with more guns tend to kill more people—with guns. The states with the highest gun ownership rates have a gun murder rate 114% higher than those with the lowest gun ownership rates. Also, gun death rates tend to be higher in states with higher rates of gun ownership. Gun death rates are generally lower in states with restrictions such as assault-weapons bans or safe-storage requirements.


Sources: Pediatrics, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Myth #3: An armed society is a polite society.
Fact-check: Drivers who carry guns are 44% more likely than unarmed drivers to make obscene gestures at other motorists, and 77% more likely to follow them aggressively.
• Among Texans convicted of serious crimes, those with concealed-handgun licenses were sentenced for threatening someone with a firearm 4.8 times more than those without.
• In states with Stand Your Ground and other laws making it easier to shoot in self-defense, those policies have been linked to a 7 to 10% increase in homicides.


EXCLUSIVE: Unmasking the NRA's Inner Circle
Meet the NRA's Board of Directors
The NRA Myth of Arming the Good Guys
Flashback: How Republicans and the NRA Kneecapped the ATF
Does the NRA Really Have 4 Million Members?
To Recruit Cops, the NRA Dangles Freebies Paid for by Gun Companies
How the NRA and Its Allies Helped Spread a Radical Gun Law Nationwide
See our full special report on gun laws and the rise of mass shootings in America.
Myth #4: More good guys with guns can stop rampaging bad guys.
Fact-check: Mass shootings stopped by armed civilians in the past 30 years: 0
• Chances that a shooting at an ER involves guns taken from guards: 1 in 5

Myth #5: Keeping a gun at home makes you safer.
Fact-check: Owning a gun has been linked to higher risks of homicide, suicide, and accidental death by gun.
• For every time a gun is used in self-defense in the home, there are 7 assaults or murders, 11 suicide attempts, and 4 accidents involving guns in or around a home.
• 43% of homes with guns and kids have at least one unlocked firearm.
• In one experiment, one third of 8-to-12-year-old boys who found a handgun pulled the trigger.

Myth #6: Carrying a gun for self-defense makes you safer.
Fact-check: In 2011, nearly 10 times more people were shot and killed in arguments than by civilians trying to stop a crime.
• In one survey, nearly 1% of Americans reported using guns to defend themselves or their property. However, a closer look at their claims found that more than 50% involved using guns in an aggressive manner, such as escalating an argument.
• A Philadelphia study found that the odds of an assault victim being shot were 4.5 times greater if he carried a gun. His odds of being killed were 4.2 times greater.

Myth #7: Guns make women safer.
Fact-check: In 2010, nearly 6 times more women were shot by husbands, boyfriends, and ex-partners than murdered by male strangers.
• A woman's chances of being killed by her abuser increase more than 7 times if he has access to a gun.
• One study found that women in states with higher gun ownership rates were 4.9 times more likely to be murdered by a gun than women in states with lower gun ownership rates.

Myth #8: "Vicious, violent video games" deserve more blame than guns.
Fact-check: So said NRA executive vice president Wayne LaPierre after Newtown. So what's up with Japan?

United States Japan
Per capita spending
on video games $44 $55
Civilian firearms
per 100 people 88 0.6
Gun homicides
in 2008 11,030 11
Sources: PricewaterhouseCoopers, Small Arms Survey (PDF), UN Office on Drugs and Crime

Myth #9: More and more Americans are becoming gun owners.
Fact-check: More guns are being sold, but they're owned by a shrinking portion of the population.
• About 50% of Americans said they had a gun in their homes in 1973. Today, about 45% say they do. Overall, 35% of Americans personally own a gun.
• Around 80% of gun owners are men. On average they own 7.9 guns each.

Myth #10: We don't need more gun laws—we just need to enforce the ones we have.
Fact-check: Weak laws and loopholes backed by the gun lobby make it easier to get guns illegally.
• Around 40% of all legal gun sales involve private sellers and don't require background checks. 40% of prison inmates who used guns in their crimes got them this way.
• An investigation found 62% of online gun sellers were willing to sell to buyers who said they couldn't pass a background check.
• 20% of licensed California gun dealers agreed to sell handguns to researchers posing as illegal "straw" buyers.
• The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives has not had a permanent director for 6 years, due to an NRA-backed requirement that the Senate approve nominees.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!!!

My e mail buddy from Ohio, Mr. Kirk Roebuck, sent me a URL for a story that I doubt very much you will be getting wind of on good old FOX News. It seems that the son of newly elected National Rifle Association President, David Keene, is currently serving time for a 2002 road rage incident in which the young man put a bullet through the back window of someone who pissed him off. fortunately for him, the bullet didn't hit the driver but lodged in the back of the driver's seat.

According to the story posted:

If all goes as expected in Pittsburgh today, American Conservative Union President David Keene will be elected president of the National Rifle Association at the organization's board of directors meeting.

One person who presumably will not be attending the event is Keene's son, David Michael Keene, who according to news reports and trial documents was convicted and sentenced to 10 years in prison for a 2002 road-rage incident in which he fired a handgun from his moving vehicle at another car on the George Washington Memorial Parkway in Virginia.

For more on this, let's go to that pro-gun bastion of conservative reporting, WorldNetDaily. In a December 2010 article which focused primarily on a rumored $400,000 embezzlement scandal facing the American Conservative Union, WorldNetDaily reported that:

In addition to his role at ACU, David Keene also serves as 1st vice president of the National Rifle Association and, as such, is in line to become the powerful gun lobby's next president.

That role caused the NRA some anguish when Keene's son, David Michael Keene, was arrested for a road rage incident in which he allegedly fired a gun at another motorist on the George Washington Memorial Parkway. The round fired shattered the rear window of the victim's car, lodging into the driver's seat, coming within inches of hitting him, according to police reports.

The writer of the above report, Josh Sugarmann finished with this nugget of wisdom, suitable for bumper sticker glory:


Remember, guns don't attempt to kill people, the sons of NRA presidents do.


This story can only be somewhat rivaled by what happened back in 2011 and was reported in the Washington Post as follows:


Posted at 7:25 PM ET, 02/25/2011
MADD president charged with DUI -- oh, the irony!
By Alexandra Petri
That's what I call DUIrony.

A former Mothers Against Drunk Driving chapter president was recently arrested on charges of drunk driving.

Oops.

For years, I thought MADD's slogan was "Friends don't let friends drive drunk," which always confused me, because that seems to negate the concept of the designated driver.

I'm glad no one was hurt when former MADD chapter president Debra Oberlin was busted with an alleged BAC of .234.

But let's take a moment. That is some beautiful vintage irony right there. I've pointed out bad irony before. But this could be in the textbook. I hope when people Google "irony" in coming years, this is the first result. It deserves to be.

Reminds me of the story that's been making the rounds on your e mail for years:

When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know,
but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying
'Hello.'

I politely said,
'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f***ing number!'
And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number
to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed
the last two digits.

After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
'You're an asshole!'
And hung up.

I wrote his number down
with the word 'asshole' next to it,
And put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our
Caller ID Program?'

He yelled
'NO!'
And slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an asshole!'
And hung up.

One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot
I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled
that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later,
right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said,
'Yes, it is.'

I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said,
'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax
It's a yellow ranch style house
And the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked,
'What's your name?'

He said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said,
'Yes?'

I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!'

Then I hung up,
and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea...

I called asshole #1.

He said,
'Hello'

I said,
'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked,
'Are you still there?'

I said,
'Yeah!'

He screamed,
'Stop calling me'

I said,
'Make me.'

He asked,
'Who are you?'

I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said,
'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax ,
a yellow ranch style home and
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said,
'Hello?'

I said,
'Hello, asshole,'

He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said,
'You'll what?'

He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your ass'

I answered,
'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax ..

I got there just in time to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.




Sunday, March 10, 2013

Washington Post's Annual Neologism Contest

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common or contracted, coined words.


The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to crawl with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n..), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition..

Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n..): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Saturday, March 9, I was invited to a surprise birthday party for the Chippewa Valley's most popular and revered County Music DJ, Mr. Jay Moore, arranged by his lovely wife Sherry and held at The Wilson Nite Club in lovely downtown Wilson, Wisconsin.

Festivities began at 2PM and I found myself arriving right behind the birthday guy himself. fortunately, He didn't spot me as he and Sherry made their way into the club ahead of me. They were greeted by a very large crowd of well-wishers who immediately burst into a raucous "Happy Birthday" for Jay.

It was very obvious that Jay was completely taken by surprise and he had tears in his eyes as he greeted the crowd. I joined two of my musician buddies, pictured above, Greg Wheeler and John Lynch. Greg is the premier country harmonica player in the entire valley and I would put him in a class with Charlie McCoy!

John Lynch is the lead singer of The Memories and former owner of Jake's On the Lake, which he sold several years ago and now works at Keyes Chevrolet in Menomonie to (as he puts it) stay out of trouble.

It was good to see those two guys as well and we reminisced about the "old times" and what we were all up to at this point.

Country singer Betty Lee was in attendance also. Betty is as very close friend of Jay's and after everyone was full of pizza, she got up with some of her band and did several well-received songs. Greg played marvelous harmonica throughout.

Eventually John got up and did a few tunes and then I was called up to do "The Wood Tick Song".

All in all, it was a great party for a great man and I am glad I was a part of it! Happy 76th birthday (March 23rd) - Mr. Moore and many, many more! We all love you!

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Weed Eater Logic...

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes."



Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for

the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.



... "Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"



The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"



"Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard."



"That's true, I do have a yard."



"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."



"Yes, I do have a house."



"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."



"Yes, I have a family."



"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."



"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater."



Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.



"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"



Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"



"No."



" Then you're a queer... "

______________________________________________________________________________________________


Irish priests. You can't put anything past them!!!


An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now, Father. It was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O'Malley then replied, "Aye,'tis certainly true. But we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

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