HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN:

HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN - city of big bottoms and small minds.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

THE OLD ACTORS OF KJER THEATRE GATHER YET AGAIN TO WELCOME ANOTHER YEAR


As is our custom, every New Year's Eve Day (for 33 years running) a group of the University of Wisconsin Eau Claire Actors from the "glory days" of the Kjer Theate Era gather together to imbibe of alcohol (if the damn bartenders ever show up), to break bread together, and then to sit around the large table with half a snoot full and tell every old "war story" of stage productions gone by. As you can see by the first photo, the group showed up to find an open bar -- literally! No bartenders in sight! Having had some experience as a bartender when I was but a mere sophomore in college (the only job I ever got fired from) I volunteered to be the guy behind the bar, but the group, still being sober at the time, dissuaded me of that idea.
Eventually the bartenders did make an appearance and we all bellied up to the bar. I had a sudden yen for a very theatrical cocktail: A Mimosa. If you are not familiar with the make up of a Mimosa, it is half a champagne flute full of champagne topped with orange juice. you really should try one sometime. Bet you can't drink just one! they are quite delightful and the champagne gets you where you want to go toot sweet!

After lunch, Wil Denson held forth as our MC. Wil had been our director for many summer theatre years when the EC drama department had a really superb reputation. Wil introduced Dr. David White, recently retired professor of drama and English at the Naval Academy. David presented his annual performance of "The Old Queen" which always leaves us in stitches.

After that there was a round robin of theatre stories from the "good old days". I am really fond of one of our past productions: "A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum" and many of the principals from that show were present today.

All in all it was yet another memorable gathering of the "old timers' who once trod the boards of Kjer Theatre all those years ago.

so Happy New Year to all the gallant thespians who made their mark upon the stage in those days of glory and who today would not be able to remember their lines at all!

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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

CLINTON LIBRARY PREPARES TO OPEN IN LITTLE ROCK

The Bill Clinton Presidential Library is almost ready to be opened to the pubic. Pictured is the presidential portrait which was paid for and donated by Kenneth Starr (bless his heart).

Who says that Republicans don't have a sense of humor?

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New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile..

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.



If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.


They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!


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LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS, OH MY!

This morning I received an e mail from Steve (Roy) Rogers of Cornell, Wisconsin. Steve is a long time good friend and my fishing buddy. He is also an incredibly talented hunter - (I think his experience as a Special Forces non com in Viet Nam contributes to his innate ability to stealthily track down his prey.

at any rate, Steve sent me these pictures of a man up in Alaska who had quite an encounter. the story follows:

This guy lives just outside of Soldotna , Alaska .

He is carrying a Ruger .454 Casull (and some "hot" 350 grain solids). (ammunition)

Friends,

Have I got a story for you guys!



King (salmon) season is over, and since I had a day off before silvers (salmon) start, I thought I would go for a walk! This occurred at 11:16 am this morning (Sunday), just 2/10 of a mile from my house.

ON OUR ROAD while walking my dogs (ironically trying to get in shape for hunting season!) for the record, this is in a residential area-not back in the woods . . . No bow hunting . . . No stealth occurring . . . I heard a twig snap . . . And looked back . . . Full on charge-a huge brownie, ears back, head low and motorin' full speed! Came with zero warning; no Woof, no popping of the teeth, no standing up, nothing like what you think or see on TV! It charged from less than 20 yards and was on me in about one-second! Totally surreal . . . I just started shooting in the general direction . . . And praise God that my second shot (or was it my third?) rolled him at 5 feet and he skidded to a stop 10 feet BEYOND where I was shooting from . . . I actually sidestepped him and fell over backwards on the last shot . . . And his momentum carried him to a stop past where I fired my first shot!

It was a prehistoric old bear .. . . No teeth . . . No fat . . . Weighed between 900-1000 Lbs and took five men to DRAG it onto a tilt-bed trailer! Big bear .. . . Its Paw measured out at about a 9 1/2 footer!

Never-ever-thought ‘it’ would happen to me! It's always some other smuck . . . Right?

Well, no bull .. . . I am still high on adrenaline .. . . With my gut in a knot (felt like I did 10000 crunches without stopping)! Almost puked for an hour after . . . Had the burps and couldn't even stand up as the troopers conducted their investigation! Totally wiped me out . . . can’t even put that feeling into words . . . By far the most emotion I have ever felt at once!

No doubt that God was with me, as I brought my Ruger .454 Casull (and some "hot" 350 grain solids) just for the heck of it . . . And managed to draw and snap shoot (pointed, never even aimed!) from the hip! Total luck shot!

All I can say is Praise God for my safety and for choosing to leave the wife and kids at home on this walk!

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Look at the size of those paws and the length of those damn claws!! I don't know about you, but these pictures make me really glad that I live in Wisconsin where (so far) I don't have to carry a gun when I walk from the house to the bungalow or down to the mail box - although with the latest reports of cougar sightings in the nearby territory of the Mississippi River, it might be wise to start packing a very large revolver, similar to the one pictured.

Now if we could just get lucky enough to have one of these huge suckers eat Sarah Palin - what a wonderful world this would be.

ONCE YOU GET IN THE GROOVE YOU'D BEST STAY IN THE GROOVE!

Sometimes it doesn't pay to try to be thrifty and save money. We have an agreement with the gentleman who plows our driveway that we only wnat it plowed if we get more than four inches of snow. As you may remember, we got a little less than four inches of snow about week ago - then it warmed up - not enough for the snow to melt, mind you, but just enough to make it slushy but still hold the shape of the car tires coming in and out of our driveway. Then we got a good cold snap and PRESTO! the tracks in the snow turned to rock hard ruts.

Now when we drive down the driveway, we have to drive extremely slow so that the tires stay in the groove that formed. driving too fast can cause you to suddenly fly out of the track and off into the trees! and the turn around area in front of the garage is like a war zone. the other night poor Kim got stuck in a rut that was no more than three inches deep but glare ice. I had to come out and we had to rock the car back and forth until it finally climbed out of the rut.

This morning Kim had to give our cleaning lady a heads up telephone call about the situation for fear of having her ending up in a head on collision with an oak tree!

So until we get that January thaw we are stuck (literally) with a battlefield driveway. Ah! Life in Cheesehead land!

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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

BRETT FAVRE EXTENDS REGRETS ALMOST TWO YEARS AFTER THROWING GAME LOSING INTERCEPTION AGAINST GIANTS IN 2007 CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

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Just this past week at an NFL Charity Banquet in Kiln, Mississippi, all decked out in a tuxedo as opposed to his usual tee shirt, shorts, and flip flops, Vikings quarterback Brett Favre, accompanied by a really cool New Orleans cat, finally ( after extensive psychotherapy) gave a public apology to his Green Bay Packer fans for throwing the game-losing interception against the New York Giants in the 2007 NFC championship game.

However, the apology, set to music that Favre wrote himself, left a chill with Viking coach Brad Chilled-dress who was in attendance as there certainly was no uncertainty in his statement.

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Monday, December 28, 2009

Collecting - World War Two Aircraft 1/48 scale die cast

Another of my time consuming hobbies is collecting 1/48 scale World War II die cast aircraft. it is something that I started doing years and years ago, and to this day I am still interested and find it exciting when I can find a quality product such as this Messerschmitt 109 E which was manufactured by Carousel 1. I say was because Carousel is going out of business and it is really unfortunate as they manufactured some of the most intricate and authentic aircraft of any of the companies out there., rivaled only by Armour, and in my estimation, Carousel's attention to authenticity and detail is unrivaled.

This particular aircraft, "Emil" was one that I admired from afar for over a year and didn't purchase until very recently because of price. But since the announcement of their demise, suddenly the remaining stock has been going at amazingly good prices and this one is just too cool to have passed on.
Although you really can't see well enough to appreciate the intricate detail, believe me, it is there! The pitot tube, the radio antenna, a canopy that opens to reveal the pilot and all the instrumentation, an authentic Battle of Britain paint scheme - this baby has everything in great detail.

One of the things I look for in buying a die cast model is whether it is fashioned after an actual aircraft with a fascinating story to go with it. This ME-109 was a member of JG 3, flew in September 1940 by Oberleutnant Franz Von Werra.

Von Werra became famous as "the one that got away" and became the subject of a best seller and two movies. He was a German ace whose escape exploits were far more exciting than his brief career as a fighter pilot. On 5 September 1940, Spitfires shot down Von Werra's 109 over Kent as he escorted bombers attacking the Royal Air Force at Biggin Hill. He crash landed and was quickly captured. In late September Von Werra was sent to a POW camp at Grizedale Hall in Lancashire and began planning an escape. On October 7 he slipped away from an exercise party without being noticed by the guards. Von Werra eluded pursuit for six cold rainy days on the barren hills of the Lake District. Recaptured in Cumberland, he was sent to another POW camp at Swanwick in Derbyshire. Immediately he began to tunnel with several other prisoners. On the night of 17 December five Germans escaped through the tunnel. Four were soon captured. Von Werra posed as a Dutchman flying with the RAF and attempted to steal a British fighter. He bluffed his way past Scotland Yard investigators and into Hucknall Aerodrome on 21 December. More bluff got him into the cockpit of a new Hurricane II fighter with a mechanic to start his engine. Moments before take off, an RAF officer apprehended him at gunpoint. Von Werra and other German POW's were sent via ship to Canada. In late January, Von Werra jumped from a fast moving POW train southwest of Montreal and headed south for the St. Lawrence River, the border between Canada and neutral United States. He managed to cross the frozen river near Ogsdenburg, NY and turned himself in to the first policeman he found. American reporters were charmed by "Baron" Von Werra's bravado and fluent English, and his escape made headlines across the USA and Germany. Canada attempted to extradite him, but the German Consul in NY assisted him to return to Germany via Mexico, Brazil and Italy. Hitler awarded him the Knight's Cross. He joined the invasion of Russia in July and ran his score to 21 victories. Posted to the Dutch coast, on 25 October 1941, his luck ran out and his 109's engine failed. Franz Von Werra fell into the North Sea.

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RATING NFL HELMETS

I have been collecting and refurbishing helmets for over two years - and today I am going to list my favorites. In first place (always) is the Green Bay Packers helmet. I am partial to straightforward simplicity and an appreciation of the history involved in the development of the helmet. Early on, with the introduction of plastic helmets, Green Bay's original helmets were gold with a blue stripe as at the time their uniforms were blue and gold.
After Lombardi's arrival the Packers played the 1960 season with yellow helmets and no logo. Vince asked equipment manager Dad Braisher to develop a logo. Lombardi suggested using the letters GB. However, Dad Braisher who was living at the Union Hotel in DePere, Wisconsin, at the time, had ideas of his own. He spent hours in his room and down at the tiny bar in the hotel after hours working on a logo that he pictured as being in the shape of a football. The letter "G" lent itself to this shape much better than the two letters. Armed with his finished drawing, he presented it to Lombardi who approved it for use. The next season, wearing the new helmets, the Packers won the championship against the NY Giants, 37-0 and as they say, the rest is history.
I was shocked to find out recently that when Ron Wolf took over as GM he wanted to change the helmet color to a shiny "Notre Dame" gold. Can you imagine the fan rebellion that would have followed?
Speaking of that Notre Dame gold, my second favorite helmet is the San Francisco 49'er helmet. Here the shiny gold is much more appropriate as the term "forty niners" refers to the gold rushers of 1849. Again, I really like the simplicity of the SF. :Last year the Niners added black to the scheme and I really didn't like that at all. I was pleased to see this season that they have gone back to the original scheme.
My third place goes to the Philadelphia Eagles. Again, I like the original green as opposed to the darker green they are currently using. I think that the wings are really cool. Although I didn't picture my fourth choice, the Rams helmet is a really classy helmet that has a long and illustrious history. Just seeing the horned helmets brings me visions of Norm Van Brocklin and the great "fearsome foursome" of Deacon Jones, Merlin Olsen, LaMarr Lundy, and Rosey Greer.

LaMarr Hunt's original Dallas Texans eventually went through some changes When the team left Texas and moved to Kansas City they adapted the arrowhead as their helmet symbol and again I find it very attractive for its straight forward simplicity with absolutely no striping.

It also brings back such beautiful memories of the first meeting of the NFL vs the AFL and the trouncing the Packers laid on the Chiefs. Visions of Hank Stramm prowling the sidelines and exhorting his team to pick it up!
I know my e mail friend Kirk Roebuck is not crazy about my next choice. but again, the buffalo works really well on the Bills helmet and in this case, their latest incarnation is much better than the earlier ones. Besides, the earlier logo is tainted by one OJ Simpson - a great football player but a lousy human being.

So these are my top choices. I would give Cleveland (sorry again, Kirk) honorable mention as they are the only team that has not succumbed to having a logo at all and i think that make the helmet really pretty special. Besides, it was worn by the greatest running back of all time, Jim Brown.

Ugliest helmet? Cincinnati Bengals. Then, of course, there is one helmet I will never make a copy of for my collection because of my hate for their fans - the Minnesota ViQueens. the horns are okay I guess - but I hate PURPLE!

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Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."

LET'S HEAR IT FOR OLD FARTS

Saturday, December 26, 2009

NOW I FEEL BETTER

If you've had a bad day and you just need to take it out on
someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten

to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying
"Hello."

I politely said, "This is Dylan. Could I please speak with Robyn
Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fucking
number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that

anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to

call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two
digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number
again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!"
and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to

it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks when I was
paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,
"You're an asshole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi,
this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if
you're f amiliar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back

and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking
spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting

for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign
in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had

his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW
asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, It's a yellow rambler, and

the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when

I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an
idea. I called asshole #1.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah,"

He screamed, "Stop calling me,"

I said, "Make me,"

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at 34
Oaktree Blvd, a yellow split-level, I have a black Beamer parked in
front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."

I said , "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said, "Hello?"


I said, "Hello, asshole,"

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass."

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived

at 34 Oaktree Blvd, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay

lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree
Blvd.

I quickly got into my car and headed over there. I got there just in

time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front

of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news

crew.

NOW, I feel much better.

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HAPPY 77TH BIRTHDAY, JOY

Today, December 26, 2009, would have been my dear mother-in-law Joy's 77th birthday. Because Joy was born on December 26th, her birthday was always easy for me to remember.

Joy was an extraordinary woman. She led a very full and active life, raising two lovely daughters, the elder of which, I am proud to say, is my wife, Kim. She was a great teacher to her daughters especially when it came to being responsible for picking up after oneself and acceptance and tolerance of others.

Joy loved reading novels and she was a real "movie hound", a trait that Kim has carried forward. She was also a really big follower of good music and very much a fan of Frank Sinatra. She also carried this love of music into her own life by joining the Sweet Adelines, of which she was a member for years.

She and her husand Bob did a lot of traveling all over the country once Bob had retired and for a time she maintained two homes; one in Cumberland, Wisconsin, and a winter quarters in Oroville, California.

Joy was very rightly proud of her Italian heritage and what I remember her most for was her epicurean specialty of Christmas Eve, a wonderful Italian sauce made from scratch to which she added browned pork chops and whole Italian sausages. The wonderful aroma of this melange of foodstuffs always filled the entire house with a Christmas warmth.

Being Italian, Joy loved to rib me about my pride in being Irish. she could really dish it out! but always with a twinkle in her eye.

The other attribute of Joy's that took me some time to get used to was her directness in her honesty. I can remember an occasion when we were all attending a performance in down town Minneapolis and I was in one of my many bad moods.

Joy finally turned to Kim and said: "Why is Larry being such an asshole?"

Happy Birthday Joy. The Asshole is missing you today.

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Darwin Awards ~~~~2009
And once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. "The Darwins" are awarded every year to the persons who died in the stupidest manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.
Here is the official 2009 list. Notice the interesting spin for this year's first place award which comes to us - from of all places, Arkansas. How surprising is that?
This year's nominees are:
*Nominee No. 1: (San Jose Mercury News):** An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

*Nominee No. 2: (Kalamazoo Gazette):** James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped around the drive shaft.

*Nominee No. 3: (Hickory Daily Record):** Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

*Nominee No. 4: (UPI,Toronto):** Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings' windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" (ed note: ????) members of the 200-man association.

*Nominee No. 5: (The News of the Weird):** Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

*Nominee No. 6*: A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay Countryman, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle-loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

*Nominee No. 7: (Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario):** A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
*Finally, THE WINNER!!!: (Arkansas Democrat Gazette):** Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday.. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis,38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the
.22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering- wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his n**s off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife), asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck. Priorities, after all!!
Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.

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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE BY GOLLY DECK THE HALLS AND LET'S BE JOLLY



I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and extend the hope that 2010 will b e a much more lucrative year for all of us. every time I get a look at the totals of my credit cards I begin hoping that the Mayan prophecy for 2012 will come true. The photograph posted here is the cover of Wisconsin West Magazine, taken some one hundred years ago. It hangs in the hall way of the bungalow right above a wooden sign that says: "Dying is easy -- Comedy is hard."

A lot of miles have been traveled since that photo shoot took place. I can't even tell you the year it was taken. Early 1980's I think.

This afternoon Kim and I will be trekking out to lay in stores in advance of the impending HUGE snow storm that is supposedly heading our way tomorrow. I get the biggest kick out of he local weather reporters who think that they somehow have to make every report filled with impending disaster.

"Be certain you have plenty of groceries and canned goods. Don't go out unless you absolutely have to. Don't drive! temperatures are going to be terrible. The thermometer may plunge below zero! BE VERY AFRAID!"

Get over it, dude. you live in Wisconsin not freakin' Florida.

Just got news from Liz that a project she has been working on for me is completed and I will get a look at her handiwork at 12:30PM today.

some time ago, I was able to secure two DVD's that covered the entire 1961 Championship game between the Green Bay Packers and the New York Giants. it was recorded (in black and white, of course) by a Canadian Broadcasting team, complete with really kitchy early '60's commercials.

What makes this such a find and treasure is that it is a chronicle of the beginning of Vince Lombardi's tenure and dynasty as the 1961 championship was his first in Green Bay after arriving the year before and barely losing the 1960 Championship to the Philadelphia Eagles (Chuck Bednarik and crew.)

To that end, I recently contacted my reliable source for the most authentic throw back jerseys, Mr. Harv Harvison, who has a going concern in the Philippines and has supplied me with the following Packer jerseys: Don Chandler #31 (white away jersey), Ray Nitschke, #66 (white away jersey), Paul Hornung #5, (dark green home jersey) and ordered the one jersey from the backfield I am missing, #31, Jimmy Taylor. Note: I foolishly bought a Bart Starr jersey through Mitchell and Ness - not nearly the quality!

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A HOLIDAY STORY TO OFFEND

The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What do you do at Christmas time?

Patrick addressed the class: "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.

"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?"

Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year...Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad's toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves...And begin to sing: What A Friend We Have In Jesus. Then we all go to the Bahamas ."

________________________________________________________

GET OVER IT

_______________________________________________________

Sunday, December 20, 2009

THIRTY SEVEN TO THIRTY SIX ... IT'S JUST A GAME





IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME' IT'S JUST A GAME, IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME IT'S JUST A GAME


________________________________________________________________

"If a man is running down the street with everything you own you won't let him get away. That's tackling!"

- Vince Lombardi


"In a playoff game against the Los Angeles Rams, things were going so well that Coach Lombardi didn't even come into the locker room at half time. Instead he bought two hot dogs and two Cokes and went out and fed 50,000 people."

- Bart Starr

In other NFL cities, fans throw things at the players. In Green Bay, the players throw themselves at the fans."
- and they call it the Lambeau Leap -



And here's today's statistic from the "Did You Know That?" Bureau of Northern Statistics in Rhinehinder, Wisconsin contributed by our astute reporter, Lori (Jinglebells) Denzine:

98% OF AMERICANS SAY 'OH SHIT' BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD.
THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM WISCONSIN AND THEY SAY,
'HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS.'


Saturday, December 19, 2009

Update on our furry friends

Ah - the weekend! More time to spend just kicking back around the house and a chance to catch up with the latest quirks of our two furry friends, Hammy and Stella.

Hammy loves it when we get a nw DVD to watch. As soon as he sees us mount the stairs to the loft with a big bowl of popcorn, he tears up the stairs ahead of us and takes his position between the Bose speaker and the Sony Blu-Ray DVD player and wats for one of us to pick up the remote and push the "open" button. As soon as the loading gate starts to protrude, he lays a paw on it as if to stop an intruder in its tracks.
Even more exciting is when we push the "close" button as he vainly attempts to stop the gate from closing and then he turns around to look at the back of the player. Logically, to a cat, since it disappeared in front, it should make it's traveling appearance coming out the back, right?
Then Hammy will sit next to the machine, head cocked as it makes tiny little whirring sounds that only he can hear. Of course, after the movie is over, we go through the reverse procedure in removing the DVD.
stella has her own "thing". She has discovered a brand new toy and it occupies much of her day. Quite accidently we found a large rubber and bracelet - they're making them now in different colors to put on your company's beer cans so that they can identify their beer by the color of the rubber band when they get too drunk to remember which beer they set where. Well, Stella loves these things. She will walk around the house carrying one in her mouth, suddenly drop it on the floor and play "hockey" with it for a while, then grab it with her nouth, jump up on the bed, toss it into the air and catch it on the way down.
One of her favorite moves is to slide it under Kim's dressing room door, then sit there looking forlorn until Kim come and opens the door so she can pounce on it. She does the same thing by sliding it under the refrigerator to see if she can fish it back out - most of the time she ends up sitting with the forlorn look.

Every day we thank the powers that be that e went out to the shelter and found these two lovelies. They are the very best companions anyone could ask for! We love them more each day!

______________________________________________________________

A HIGHWAY SAFETY MESSAGE:



How to achieve good vision while driving during a heavy downpour.

We are not sure why it is so effective; just try this method when it rains heavily.

This method was told by a Police friend who had experienced and confirmed it.

It is useful...even driving at night.



Most of the motorists would turn on HIGH or FASTEST SPEED of the wipers during heavy downpour, yet the visibility in front of the windshield is still bad......



In the event you face such a situation, just try your SUN GLASSES (any model will do), and miracle! All of a sudden, your visibility in front of your windshield is perfectly clear, as if there is no rain.



Make sure you always have a pair of SUN GLASSES in your car, as you are not only helping yourself to drive safely with good vision, but also might save your friend's life by giving him this idea..



Try it yourself and share it with your friends!??? Amazing, you still see the drops on the windshield, but not the sheet of rain falling.?



You can see where the rain bounces off the road.? It works to eliminate the "blindness" from passing semi's spraying you too.?



Or the "kickup" if you are following a semi or car in the rain.?



They ought to teach that little tip in driver's training... It really does work.
*************************************************************************** This warning is a good one !



I wonder how many people know about this ~



A 36 year old female had an accident several weeks ago and totaled her car. A resident of Kilgore , Texas she was traveling between Gladewater & Kilgore. It was raining, though not excessively, when her car suddenly began to hydro-plane and literally flew through the air. She was not seriously injured but very stunned at the sudden occurrence!



When she explained to the highway patrolman what had happened he told her something that every driver should know - NEVER DRIVE IN THE RAIN WITH YOUR CRUISE CONTROL ON. She thought she was being cautious by setting the cruise control and maintaining a safe consistent speed in the rain.. But the highway patrolman told her that if the cruise control is on when your car begins to hydro-plane and your tires lose contact with the pavement, your car will accelerate to a higher rate of speed making you take off like an airplane. She told the patrolman that was exactly what had occurred.





The patrolman said this warning should be listed, on the driver's seat sun-visor - NEVER USE THE CRUISE CONTROL WHEN THE PAVEMENT IS WET OR ICY, along with the airbag warning. We tell our teenagers to set the cruise control and drive a safe speed - but we don't tell them to use the cruise control only when the pavement is dry.



The only person the accident victim found, who knew this (besides the patrolman), was a man who had a similar accident, totaled his car and sustained severe injuries.



NOTE: Some vehicles (like the Toyota Sienna Limited XLE) will not allow you to set the cruise control when the windshield wipers are on. If you send this to 15 people and only one of them doesn't know about this, then it was all worth it. You might have saved a life.



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Friday, December 18, 2009

A SPECIAL HOLIDAY GREETING TO ALL THREE OF MY READERS

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WITH THE LORD AS REFEREE, MINNESOTA WILL WIN FIRST SUPER BOWL EVER!


This morning I received an e mail from my good friend and confidante, Kurt Weber, who works in a mall in Burnsville, MN. It read as follows:

"While taking the trash down to the loading dock just now at the glorious mall I work at, I noticed one of the kiosks~~
"Holy Land Shopping Cart"-- featuring wood carved madonnas, crosses, and Jesuses(?)......."

So, of course, I sent Kurt the following message:

"Many thanks for bringing my attention to the "Holy Land Shopping Cart" which is a treasure trove of all things good and holy! Take, for instance, this sacred wooden statue of Jesus signaling a Vikings touchdown in the upcoming Super Bowl. How can the ViQueens possibly lose with Jesus as referee?? And this model (34 " X 15") XL sells for a mere $899.00. If Queens owner, Mr. Ziggy wants to guarantee victory I think he should buy the entire squad one of these. They could wear it around their necks during the game!"

Amen


Yes, I can see it all now. Fourth and half a yard from the Colts end zone - Mr. Quarterback fakes the hand off to AP who dives into the line. Mr. QB himself sprints (sort of) around right end and dives into the end zone to score! Ten Queens players immediatley yank the string securing referee Jesus close to their hearts -and as a group they hold them high! Oh, thank you, Jesus!

HOW THE ZIG-MEISTER CAN BUILD HIS BILLION DOLLAR RETRACTABLE ROOF STADIUM IN BLAINE AND SURROUND IT WITH A MALL THAT WILL PUT THE MALL OF AMERICA TO SHAME. MALL OF THE UNIVERSE!



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Thursday, December 17, 2009

LES SANS CULOTTES HAS BRAND NEW TEE SHIRT DESIGN - JUST IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS

Just received the latest "E" mailing from Les Sans Culottes, the Brooklyn, NY based, French Rock 'n roll Band, the lead guitar player of which, I am oh so proud to say, is my older son, Jonathan. Included in the mailing was not only the announcement of their latest engagement, but also this outstanding silk screening depicting the new Les Sans Culottes tee shirts. Looks like I am gonna have to figure out how to order one of these!

PACKER SHRINE NEARLY COMPLETED WITH CARTER'S AUTOGRAPH

Last night I received an e mail from Wil Denson telling me thaat the Packer helmet i had given to him a couple of weeks ago for the purpose of obtaining Jim Carter's autograph was, in fact, now autographed and ready to be picked up.

So this morning, right after my lab and blood draw and with a stop at Walgreen's to pick up two prescriptions, I went down to Wil's house.
So here are a couple of photos of the newest prize to be joining my "Green Bay Packer Shrine". Wil told me that he asked Jim if he ever became aggravated with people asking for his autograph and Carter told him that he will be much more aggravated when people stop asking him for his autograph.

I recall the day that I first became enamored of the idea of getting his autograph. Carter and I were leaving Menard's at the same time and since we have met several times before and Jim was good enough to put me in contact with the Minneapolis surgeon that repaired both his knees, we know each other well enough to stop and visit a bit.

I told him that day that I had begun to restore Riddell and Schutt helmets as NFL team helmets and asked him if he would be so kind as to autograph one for me someday. His reply took me somewhat by surprise when he said something to the effect that he would be glad to give it to me but why would I want it. He then went on to tell me the horror stories that he faced when he replaced long time legend Ray Nitschke at middle linebacker. I mentioned this in an earlier blog and you can google him and find the story on line if you are interested in Packer football history.

At any rate, this morning I placed it in its case and it now sits with helmets autographed by Bart Starr and Paul Hornung. I have another helmet done up as a Super Bowl XXXI helmet which I would like (some day) to have one Brett Favre autograph, but that may be a bit difficult. Can you see me walking into the Metrodome carrying a Packer helmet in search of the new Viking QB? Neither can I.

_______________________________________________________



Yesterday Kim and I received an "E" card by JIBJAB from Jo Burke. I immediately dove into the nuts and bolts of the concept and came up with my little Disco Christmas Card you see on the left of today's blog. So Merry Christmas, do a Little Dance, Make a Little Love, Get Down Tonight! and have a DISCO, DISCO CHRISTMAS!

from Kim, Stella, Hammy and Larry

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

WE ARE FAMILY

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Went down to "Stately Johnson Manor", the domicile of Stan and Nancy Johnson and current house guest, former New Yorker, Thomas (Blinky) Johnson. As usual, just as I merged onto Highway 94 East I began remembering items I wanted to bring with me but forgot, most importantly my camera so that I could have documented the weekend.

I made my obligatory stop at The Norske Nook and sat at the counter so that I could harangue my favorite waitress, Marlene. After a breakfast of two eggs over easy, hash browns, white toast (they bake their own bread) and flagons of coffee I returned to my Scion steed, stopped for fuel at the Speedway just before the entrance to the interstate and made a killing on fuel at $2.54 a gallon. (Still seems ludicrous to refer to gasoline over two dollars a gallon as a "killing").

The rest of the trip was uneventful save one very hairy moment just east of Camp Douglas. I was in the fast lane passing a fellow traveler with my cruise set at 72 mph when suddenly the car ahead of me braked hard to turn around at one of those turn arounds that are only to be used by police and emergency vehicles. Unable to veer into the right lane, all I could do was stomp on my own brakes, listen to the screaming of lost tire tread and the sound of cell phone, hard cover book, sun glasses, and ceramic coffee cup careening off the passenger-side dash.

That is the closest I have come to dying on the highway in years.

Earlier, a white Mustang with no plates went flying by me like I was standing still and I mumbled to myself "there's never a cop around when you need one"

This time I screamed it amid much cursing and administering my social finger. Twenty miles later just as i am settling down, I see the flashing red and blue lights of a state patrol cruiser on the shoulder of the left lane and wonder of wonders, he has captured the white Mustang.

I wanted to stop and tell him about the ass that almost got me killed but realized I had no license plate number and it probably was far too late anyway but at least there was the small satisfaction of the Mustang. I can't imagine the fine!

I am far from perfect. I got a two hundred dollar ticket on Short Street for going ten miles an hour over the limit - in fairness to myself I will mention that the speed limit used to be 45 and had recently been lowered to 35.

But I digress.

I arrived at stately Johnson manor where Chef Stan had prepared boneless chunks of chicken thigh, coated and deep fried, served with two dipping sauces of Korean origin - one of which was very hot. (So I was told - I am a coward).

I had brought along my lap top computer and was delighted to find that Mr. Johnson has gone "wifi" in house, so I was shown to my suite in the basement where later that night I spent way too much time surfing instead of sleeping.

The first time I went into the bath room (barefoot) I was delighted to find that the tile floor is heated! Talk about luxury!

Sunday morning the boys all went out for breakfast at the Avenue Bar, which is something of an institution, a great sports bar and cafe near down town Madison where I ordered what has become my "usual" as of late, eggs benedict and they were the best I have had!

We then returned to watch the Packers muddle through to a victory over the hapless Bears.

The return trip was uneventful although I had some trouble staying awake most of the way. I hate that.

This morning, while I was pouring my first cup of java from my very "60's" looking carafe that I bought at a second hand store I began thinking about how much enjoyment I get out of saving money through finding little treasures such as that carafe. The same day I bought the carafe for under $6, (I had previously broken two Melitta carafes over the course of a year @ $18.00) I also bought two pair of hardly used tennis shoes - a pair of Adidas and a pair of Asics - as well as a pair of little used Bass boat shoes, and a solid wood brick-a-brack box with glass cover, which I bought to use as a spice rack here at the bungalow @ a mere $5.95.

Some time ago I found a really nice (in my estimation) two shelf "blonde" book case with sliding glass doors, again with a very '60's look and I got it for under $20.

In the grasp of icy cold winter, i think it is time to start making weekly trips to the second hand stores!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This from my good friend Matthew Capell down in West Texas:

Gentle Thoughts for Today -






Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then shit on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement .

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40 ) are XL.'

If you think there is good in everybody, you
haven't met everybody.






If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when yo u stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . .. . . . . AMEN!


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Thursday, December 10, 2009

A SALUTE TO ALL IMPORTANT FRIENDSHIP (PART ONE)

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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

WE NEED TO START A MAN BOOB CONTEST AND I NOMINATE JACK NICHOLSON!



This morning I realized as I trudged through the newly fallen eight inches of snow that had me huffing and puffing by the time I reached the steps of the bungalow that I am very desperately out of shape and have absolutely no motivation to do anything about it except make another batch of Rice Krispie Bars. God those are addictive!

Then I received an e mail from Stan Johnson, older brother to my pal Blinky and erstwhile Madison barrister which contained this magnificent photograph of a "flyover" of Lambeau Field, Green Bay. Picking up on the fact that his younger brother refers to me as LBM (Little Bladder Man), Stan hailed me with LtM, which of course puzzled me so I wrote back to him and asked if he was in fact making some sort of illusion to my recent weight gain by referring to me as " "Little titty Man" instead of "Little Bladder Man" as I seem to have grown "man boobs".

In turn, Stan sent me the photo I am including of Mr. Jack Nicholson floating about on his sail boat and stuffing himself with what looks to be a five dollar foot long. I immediately felt much better about my chest as I cannot hold a candle to the mighty Man Boobs of Mr Nicholson.

the photo does, however, give me a goal at which to shoot!

I have - except for a brief excursion home for lunch with Kim - been having just quite a time knocking around the office today - with a good fire in the stove which needs re-supplying as I type - so excuse me momentarily!

There! Ah, what a comfort it is to feed the stove like a fireman on the old steam trains of yesteryear. It is almost time for me to draw a very warm and sudsy bath, turn on Pandora Computer Radio, choose a mix of Springsteen, Delbert McClinton, Buddy Holly, Little Richard, and The Amazing Rhythm Aces and ease this tired and sore old body into a steamy paradise.

who can explain to me why my mail man does not deliver the mail on May 23 or any perfectly wonderful summery day until 4PM, but today, with eight inches of snow, I go to mail bills and find fresh vehicle tracks at my mail box at 1:30 PM?

It's a government employee thing.

In parting there's this:

'Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'

A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.

If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep.


Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.


The best vitamin for making friends..... B1.


The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.


The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge.


One thing you can give and still keep....is your word.


You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself
If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
Ideas won't work unless ' You' do.


Your mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open...


The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.


The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime! It is never too late to become what you might have been.


Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

I KNOW - TOO SCHMALTZY.

____________________________________bite me __________________________________________

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

GREEN BAY PACKERS CLING TO LIFE AFTER FLAG FEST

I was going to just watch the first half of the Packer/Raven battle at The Taverna Grill but the damn Packers (as you probably know) let the Ravens get back in the game in a mere 30 seconds in the third quarter, which kept me glued to my seat at the bar, drinking first a beer then 3 (count them) three margaritas. By the time the game was finally over I could have easily been picked up for "driving under the alcofluence of incahol" but the voyage of the star ship xB stayed on course with no incidents.

The win keeps the Packers "in the hunt" for a wild card spot in the playoffs, but I believe the expression is "winning ugly" and that's what this flag festival was - a very ugly victory. I don't think I have seen Mr. Rodgers throw so many wild uncatchable passes. And both teams suffered with "dropsy" all night, except for our newest tight end phenom, #88, Mr. Jermichael Finley, who made some truly amazing catches and whose fourth quarter heroic dive after catch touch down allowed me to once again breathe.

This morning I received my usual after-the-game e mail from my man in Windsor, Tom Blinkovitch Johnson. Over the past weeks he has repeatedly predicted that the Pack will be in the playoffs and that Mr. Favre will not finish the season as QB of the purple as he will have purple-hued injuries that will prevent him from doing so. this morning's entry:

"LBM: It seems I was right to be concerned but not to fear the Baltimores. It was not a game one would save for the video library, but it’s a victory in December. I stand by my earlier prediction: the plucky lads in mustard and spinach will be in the playoffs and Bert Favre will not finish the season on the playing field."
Blinkovitch

As for me, I think the part about Brett Favre getting hurt is purely wishful thinking on the Blinkster's part. I foresee the possibility of the Spinach and Mustard making the first round of the playoffs and facing Mr. Favre for the third time and with the same results.

But, hey, that's just me. Good old Ior-ish Larry.
And I curse the money grubbing programming powers that be who will not allow big dish C-Banders (a fiercely proud and loyal group) from purchasing ESPN!

It is because of their greed that I am $22.62 poorer today and have a hangover. I have not had a hangover in years and I place the blame squarely on GREED!

There, I said it!

___________________________________________________________________

Monday, December 7, 2009

SEBASTIAN - A SMILE A DAY KEEPS YOU HAPPY THIS WAY!




WERE ANY OF US EVER THIS HAPPY ABOUT BEING ALIVE?








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NEXT TIME I NEED KINDLING I WILL BE GATHERING IT NAKED!

This morning in order to save my last night's coals that were still aglow in the bungalow wood stove, I had to go out into the brush nearby to locate some dead tree branches to serve as start up kindling.

I was wearing my brand new pea coat which is 90 per cent wool.  In the dim early morning light I was unaware of what I had traipsed through until I got back into the light of the office.
Once I had put my burden down, my attention was drawn to the pictured weeds that had firmly attached themselves to the soft wool fabric. I have spent time googling "stick tights" "beggar's ticks" and just about everything else that grows under the sun but could not find this stuff! All I know is that I spent most of the day today trying to remove the little bastards from my coat! You cannot vacuum them off (tried that). you cannot form a make shift remover by forming packaging tape into a circle sticky side out (I tried that).
They will not come off with a scrub brush or the fine wire brush I use to comb the cats with - I know because I TRIED THAT , TOO!!!
I even called Queens dry cleaners in Eau Claire and the gentleman knew immediately what I was talking about and I could tell by his tone of voice that he wanted nothing to do with the job - not without charging me so much that I would have to rob a bank to pay the bill.

So after I got a good fire going in the stove, made myself some coffee, turned on my computer and got Pandora on through the internet, I set about removing the offending little creepy things by hand -- one at a frickin" time!

As you can see from the contents of my garbage can, a lot of the wool from my pea coat went with the sob's. So we learn by doing. If I was a hunter I would have experienced the hell of these long long ago. I can't imagine the fun it must be to remove these from a hunting dog's coat!

I have a theory. Back when everything was being created, God was not the only one at work. He gave the devil permission to think up things like mosquitos, biting ants, wood ticks, sand burrs nettles, poison ivy, and these microscopic maddening little pieces of shit!


_____________________________________________________________

Sorry - I lost it there for a moment. Here, watch this and feel better about nature:

http://www.naturesinspirationmovie.com/



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Saturday, December 5, 2009

I DON'T KNOW WHO THE GUY WITH THE BEARD IS - BUT THE OTHER ONE IS MY FRIEND SEBASTIAN WHO SHOULD BE INTERNATIONAL POSTER CHILD OF HAPPY!

I just have to add this wonderful photograph of my favorite little man Sebastian who as you can see is not in the least bit afraid of Santa Claus. I have published several other photos of Sebastian and I just think he should be an international poster child for happiness around the world!

I HOPE SEBASTIAN HAS THE MERRIEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

My Christmas prayers have been answered and I have received the greatest Christmas gift of all, the safe return of my wonderful brother Father John Heagle from Bangladesh. Recently I published an e mail I received from him. Here is the one I just got in after the poor guy finally returned to his digs on the coast of Oregon:

Dear Larry,

We are home. Exhausted and weak from a lack of sleep, but home. So, for tonight a short version.

It will take me a long time to reflect on and begin to integrate the experiences of the last two weeks. What I can say at this point is that it has expanded my sense of the goodness and generosity of our brothers and sisters around the world, as well as the challenges of poverty, pain, and struggle that they face. Tonight, I listened briefly to some Republican senator from OK who asserted that the climate crisis is made up by scientists who are indebted to Obama. That evokes a sense, shall we say, of puzzlement in me. This guy should visit Seoul, Manila, Delhi, or Dhaka, just to mention the places I can claim as experiential and I'm not sure he would have been so simplistice. My eyes are still burning from the smog, the exhuast fumes, and the massive population in a small geographical area. I almost feel guilty breathing the fresh, bracing air of the Oregon coast.
I was hoping to get back to writing tomorrow, but my body and mind are so foggy, I may just have to wait, as Robert Frost says, for 'the water to clear' before I dive into that deep pool of creativity again.

Fran joins me in giving our love to you and Kim,

brother john

I couldn't ask for a nicer Christmas gift!

I REALLY REALLY LOVE MY JOB - I ONLY WISH I WAS ALLOWED TO DO IT MORE OFTEN - GOD KNOWS, THE WORLD NEEDS TO LAUGH JUST NOW

It is ten 'til midnight, the time of day when I should at least be taking my night meds and going through all the rest of the nightly maintenance required before I can trundle off to sleep, apnea mask in place but tonight I need to take a moment just to revel in what I do for a living although as of late if it were not for the support of my loving wife I would probably be homeless by now if my "making a living" wage be known.

I guess I should back up and tell you that this afternoon, out of the pure goodness of her heart, Kim had decided to accompany me to try to sell some of my "merchandise" at the Central Wisconsin Cooperative Christmas Party of which I was to be a part. but I was being a beast, snapping at her for the least indiscretion that my nervous mind might conjure. You see, when I have been separated from performance for as long as I have been this time around, I become extremely agitated because I feel that I won't be able to do a decent show. consequently I am not much fun to be around.

Feeling pressured that I was going to be late added to my discontent but once I had fed the pertinent data into my GPS I relaxed a bit as the trip was going to take a lot less time than I had projected. to top it off, I whizzed right by my destination and didn't realize it until I reached Stratford. I knew the Country Aire was north of Stratford but the little man in the GPS is not totally trustworthy and remained mum while I did a u-turn and headed back up Highway 97.

Even at that I arrived in time to set up my gear when I was supposed to while Kim set up a card table and a display of CD's a DVD, and Tee Shirts.

By the time we sat down to dinner (one of the perks of being an after dinner performer) I had finally relaxed and had chosen my opening bit. So of course after I was introduced, I started with something totally different, swung quickly into my Christmas song parodies after explaining that they originated at military and deer camps.

Here's where it gets really difficult for me to try to explain to you why I love my job so much. My opening went so well that the crowd was hanging on my every punch line and every solid laugh I elicited from them washed over me like healing waters.
I found a really good groove very early in the show, my tempo was outstanding, and my forty five minutes flew by in an instant.

to hear people laugh freely from their bellies, from their very souls is what I live for and when I had finished my presentation I could feel the warmth of my audience, touch the electricity in the room.

A woman that I had been watching throughout the show just because she was having so much fun came up to tell me so after the show. And I thanked her and told here how much inspiration she had given me to do my best.

So here I am, back at the office, nursing the stove back to life, thinking about a pot of coffee but knowing that would be a bad mistake at this juncture. I just called Kim and told her not to wait up for me. She has movie plans with Sarah on the morrow. I don't even have Packer football this sunday so why not stay up late and sleep in for as long as I damn well please in the morning?

Hey! I've earned it!

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Friday, December 4, 2009

GREAT NEWS FROM MY BROTHER JOHN

Since November 23, I have been very concerned about my brother, Father John Heagle and his fellow minister Sister Fran Furder as that was the day they departed on a long and grueling mission to Bangladesh. They had been invited at the behest of an order of sisters to come and minister not only to the sisters, but to several groups.

Since November 23 I had heard nothing from either of them which added to my worry and concern. finally this morning I received the following e mail that I wish to share with you, my readers:

We are sitting in the airport in Amsterdam at 6:30 AM, Friday, Dec 4, after flying from Dhaka to Delhi and then an all night flight from Delhi that left at 1 AM. It was an 8 hour flight, and since I don’t sleep well on airplanes, I’m already in zombie-state. We have a four hour layover here and then 14 hours to Portland—the long journey home after this challenging, amazing, and remarkable time in Dhaka, Bangladesh.

I had assumed that I might be able to have internet access with the Holy Cross Sisters, but things are a bit simpler there than I had anticipated, so this is the first chance I’ve had to get on line. After we arrived 12 days ago, we led a three day workshop for the Bangladeshi Holy Cross Sisters, followed by two days with 'Stop the Traffic', an organization that rescues and rehabilitates young women who have been trapped in the international sex trade. After that we led another three day workshop for 150 of the priests, brothers, sisters, and lay leaders of the five dioceses of Bangladesh. We also visited orphanages, domestic violence shelters, rape recovery locations, student hostels for college women, schools, medical clinics, and centers for differently-abled persons.

The people we met and worked with are such welcoming, warm, loving, human persons with profound faith and an overwhelming spirit of love and service. I have such respect for their dedication and their commitment to the people they serve. They are truly other-centered people. There is so much poverty and destitution in this part of the world, and so few resources to meet these needs.

It has been a demanding and life-changing experience for me to make this journey. At this point there are so many experiences, people, faces, conversations, events, and poignant moments tumbling around in my head and heart that I can’t find the words to begin trying to describe it. As I mentioned before we left, Bangladesh is about the size of Iowa. Iowa has 3 million people; Bangladesh has 150 million people, more than half of the population of the USA. So, there is immense crowding, devastating poverty, widespread pollution, chaotic traffic, and constant, intense noise 24 hours a day. I slept on a cot with a coconut-hemp mattress and a mosquito net, ate lots of rice and cooked vegetables, drank tea 6 times a day, and listened to the Muslim call to prayer day and night, as it is broadcast from huge loudspeakers from the top of the mosques.

The Christian population of Bangladesh is only a sliver of the total--.03 percent, so the Catholic population is even smaller. But they are a resilient and faith-filled community.

I'm coming home with multiple large mosquito bites, emotional weariness, and physical exhaustion, but it feels like it has all been worth it to listen, learn, and walk with so many gifted, generous ministers.

Well, that’s the scoop for now; I’m going to bring this rambling reflection to a close for now.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

WHO YA' GONNA CALL? COMPLETE HOME MAINTENANCE!

Yesterday I rather skimmed over all the really good work that "Complete Home Maintenance" did on the office bungalow rear roof. Whoever added that section onto the building (god knows how many years ago) really didn't understand the theories of physics - and we're not talking rocket science here. The original roof was nearly flat, hardly any pitch as you can see from the photos..
As Rob (head man of CHM) explained to me, you can't put down a typical roof of plywood, tar paper and shingles when rain and snow have no place to run off. As you can see from the work in progress, I guess we're lucky that the roof held up for as many years as it did!
Rob and crew used a two day window of perfect weather to get the job entirely finished as it should have been done originally.
What you are looking at in the final pictures here is the top layer of roofing material that is used when there is little or no pitch to the roof. It is a sheeting of rubber that covers the entire surface and should provide years of service with no leakage whatsoever.
This is comforting to know as the rooms directly below the new cover are a bed room and a bath room. it would be rather disconcerting to wake up to water dripping on your face in the darkness of the middle of the night!

Rob and the crew of Complete Home Maintenance are great guys to have in your employ and I recommend them highly. Here's what it says on the business card:

COMPLETE HOME MAINTENANCE COMMERCIAL AND RESIDENTIAL:

GUTTER CLEANING, PRESSURE WASHING, PAINTING, LAWN CARE, TREE TRIMMING, SPRINKLER SYSTEMS, DRIVEWAY SEALING, SNOW REMOVAL, ROOF RAKING, SPRING/FALL CLEANUP, AND GENERAL HOME MAINTENANCE.

Free estimates ~ insured Call Rob at: 715-559-2180

Rob is congenial, a good worker, and is fairly priced. I recommend him highly!

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Kim's cleaning lady, Diane Rahl, who comes in for general house cleaning once every two weeks, has come to have quite a relationship with our two little pals, Hammy and Stella. Here's the note she left for us today:

As for current events, we played "52 pick up" with your rocks in the bath room. I bumped them and over they went! But no fear. Hammy was here! He was a great help in gathering them up again.

But Stella was the most helpful when it comes to "swiffering" under the bed. She guides the Swiffer right where it needs to go! As for Hammy's part with the Swiffer, he just lays on it which makes it a bit heavier to maneuver.

but they're very entertaining for someone who spends most of her day alone .. working. (that's me!)

Stay well, Be back in two weeks!

Thanx
Diane

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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Trailer Load of Wood Already Gone!

Today, wednesday, I moved closer to the final step of the Jim Carter helmet signing as I received the two "G" decals that I had been waiting for, in hopes that I would have them before the actual autographing date of December 9th. Actually it has been quite a day all round. first I started out the day by finishing off the load of firewood that Blinky and I had worked so diligently on this past week. I have been keeping the stove going 24/7 by banking the coals and damping down the stove daily. Every day I am able to do this I am saving on the overall expense of propane - and with so little work coming in these days, that is definitely a good thing!
In addition to receiving decals, I also got my helmet display case - after searching diligently, I was able to find one at an absolute rock bottom price.

I also received the engraved name plate for the case - yeh, it's been like Christmas around here today! So my Green
Bay Packer shrine is now complete. Time to start burning incense and chanting daily for a win over the baltimore Ravens next monday.