HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN:

HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN - city of big bottoms and small minds.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!!!

My e mail buddy from Ohio, Mr. Kirk Roebuck, sent me a URL for a story that I doubt very much you will be getting wind of on good old FOX News. It seems that the son of newly elected National Rifle Association President, David Keene, is currently serving time for a 2002 road rage incident in which the young man put a bullet through the back window of someone who pissed him off. fortunately for him, the bullet didn't hit the driver but lodged in the back of the driver's seat.

According to the story posted:

If all goes as expected in Pittsburgh today, American Conservative Union President David Keene will be elected president of the National Rifle Association at the organization's board of directors meeting.

One person who presumably will not be attending the event is Keene's son, David Michael Keene, who according to news reports and trial documents was convicted and sentenced to 10 years in prison for a 2002 road-rage incident in which he fired a handgun from his moving vehicle at another car on the George Washington Memorial Parkway in Virginia.

For more on this, let's go to that pro-gun bastion of conservative reporting, WorldNetDaily. In a December 2010 article which focused primarily on a rumored $400,000 embezzlement scandal facing the American Conservative Union, WorldNetDaily reported that:

In addition to his role at ACU, David Keene also serves as 1st vice president of the National Rifle Association and, as such, is in line to become the powerful gun lobby's next president.

That role caused the NRA some anguish when Keene's son, David Michael Keene, was arrested for a road rage incident in which he allegedly fired a gun at another motorist on the George Washington Memorial Parkway. The round fired shattered the rear window of the victim's car, lodging into the driver's seat, coming within inches of hitting him, according to police reports.

The writer of the above report, Josh Sugarmann finished with this nugget of wisdom, suitable for bumper sticker glory:


Remember, guns don't attempt to kill people, the sons of NRA presidents do.


This story can only be somewhat rivaled by what happened back in 2011 and was reported in the Washington Post as follows:


Posted at 7:25 PM ET, 02/25/2011
MADD president charged with DUI -- oh, the irony!
By Alexandra Petri
That's what I call DUIrony.

A former Mothers Against Drunk Driving chapter president was recently arrested on charges of drunk driving.

Oops.

For years, I thought MADD's slogan was "Friends don't let friends drive drunk," which always confused me, because that seems to negate the concept of the designated driver.

I'm glad no one was hurt when former MADD chapter president Debra Oberlin was busted with an alleged BAC of .234.

But let's take a moment. That is some beautiful vintage irony right there. I've pointed out bad irony before. But this could be in the textbook. I hope when people Google "irony" in coming years, this is the first result. It deserves to be.

Reminds me of the story that's been making the rounds on your e mail for years:

When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know,
but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying
'Hello.'

I politely said,
'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f***ing number!'
And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number
to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed
the last two digits.

After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
'You're an asshole!'
And hung up.

I wrote his number down
with the word 'asshole' next to it,
And put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our
Caller ID Program?'

He yelled
'NO!'
And slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an asshole!'
And hung up.

One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot
I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled
that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later,
right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said,
'Yes, it is.'

I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said,
'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax
It's a yellow ranch style house
And the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked,
'What's your name?'

He said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said,
'Yes?'

I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!'

Then I hung up,
and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea...

I called asshole #1.

He said,
'Hello'

I said,
'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked,
'Are you still there?'

I said,
'Yeah!'

He screamed,
'Stop calling me'

I said,
'Make me.'

He asked,
'Who are you?'

I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said,
'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax ,
a yellow ranch style home and
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said,
'Hello?'

I said,
'Hello, asshole,'

He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said,
'You'll what?'

He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your ass'

I answered,
'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax ..

I got there just in time to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.




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