Legalize Freedom

Most Americans think slips of the tongue should be fineable.

That opinion, according to a Harris Poll, was paid for by Morality in Media, which backs tougher indecency regulations. The poll claims more than half of Americans (52%) say the FCC should be able to fine broadcasters for airing a four-letter word.

The above tidbit is from the radio trades. What I want to know is whatever happened to "the land of the free"?

Look. I don't like "shock jocks" (Howard Stern, et al) any more than the idiots of Morality in Media, but last time I checked my radio has a thingie on it called a tuning knob and if you find a radio announcer offensive, TURN THE DAMN KNOB! Nobody is tying you to a chair and forcing your ear down to the radio's speaker.

I don't like someone from a government agency DICTATING what I can listen to or not listen to because I am from an America that has something called freedom of speech.

It has always been both puzzling and amusing to me. In my lengthy 30 year career as an entertainer around my home area I am considered a "dirty comic" but then I drive down to The Tulsa Comedy Company in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and the management wants me back because I "work so clean".

_________________________________________

At one point I am hired to work a banquet in Wisconsin Rapids. It is a gathering of ferriers. I had to look that one up in the dictionary. They are hoof trimmers. I think to myself that they will dig my material as I am country born.

I do my show, get paid, and return home.

Two days later I find a letter in my office mailbox. What's really kind of spooky is that when I take it in my hand I get really strong negative vibes from it without even opening it. I think I even mumbled to myself: "Oh, this is not good."

I wish I had kept the letter but in essence it said:

Dear Mr. Heagle:

You have the honor of being the first comedian I have ever seen. (that slayed me right off the bat!) I found your jokes about the farm to be amusing but overall I was very digusted with what you presented.

I am writing to tell you that last night God spoke to me and told me to write to you and tell you that you are doing the devil's work and are going to hell, along with all the other idolaters and whore mongers.

He also told me to tell you that if you will allow me, I can help save your soul. Please write to my at my return address. In the meantime, I will pray for you.

So I wrote back:

Dear Mr. Christian Hoof Trimmer:

I received your letter and this is quite a coincidence! Last night God spoke to me as well and he told me to ask you why you stayed for the entire performance. He also told me to tell you that you are going to hell for staying and listening to the whore monger.

What's even more amazing is that last night Lucifer appeared to me in a dream to tell me that, yes, indeed I am going to hell, and yes, indeed, you will be joining me.

But here is the good news. The devil told me that your eternal damnation will consist of being my netherworld comic sidekick. We will be doing shows together in hell! Hell, you can do the punchlines and I'll do the set up.
Even more special is the fact that on breaks, you will be trimming the devil's hooves!

Oddly enough, that was the end of our correspondence.