My good friend and crazy woman Mary (Apple) Hatleberg Rogers sent this to me this morning, just to get my day started.
These young women can not only sing but I have never seen such flexibility in my life! Talk about being in shape!
I'm supposed to be working on my taxes.
After my discourse on puns yesterday, I got an e mail from my oldest and dearest (cowboy way) buddy, Gary Spaeth. I had forgotten that when we gigged together he never missed an opportunity to throw in a "groaner" whenevr possible; Here's what he sent me:
* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
* I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
* She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
* A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
* No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
* A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
* A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
* Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
* A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
* Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
* Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here, I'll go on ahead."
* A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep Off the Grass."
* A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
* The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
* When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
* Don't join dangerous cults; practice safe sects.
And this e mail from my sister-in-law, Kristi Wislon:
A woman in her fifties is at home,
unclothed, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with
delight. Her husband watches
her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you
look? What's the matter with
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and
says, "I don't care what you
think. I just came from
having a mammogram,
the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an
"What did he say about your 55-year old
"Your name never came up," she
We used to play the "pain game" which is based on the premise of "which would you rather have done to you?"
Which would you rather do? work on your taxes or get a root canal?
* have a broken ankle or bleeding hemmorhoids?
* go to church or sit at the DMV waiting for a number?
*have bad pizza or bad sex?
(That is a trick question because pizza and sex have on thing in common. even when it's bad, it's pretty good.)
* teach 8th graders or be put in a nursing home.?
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
Male Chauvinistic Pig from Iowa