HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN - merchants slogan: "We don't have it but we can get it for you."

Sunday, March 14, 2010


As I have gotten more and more mature, I find myself looking for any avenue of escape from the physical pain which accompanies the onset of age especially since arthritis runs in the family. Several years ago I got one of those homeopathic med pamphlets that promise to reduce inflammation, increase the lubrication in your joints so that they don't give out an audible pop when you reach out to shake someone's hand or reach up to pull the string on an overhead light, and generally reduce your pain so that it is at least in the lower echelons and merely a nuisance.

Being gullible, I have tried several different kinds - two out of three failed miserably, but I did find one that after taking it for over a month actually began to lessen my physical pain. Nothing can ease my mental pain but that's another subject for a different day

Well, of course I got cocky and thought maybe I was just getting better on my own, so I stopped ordering the stuff. I was supposed to be on "keep fill" but anybody out there that uses propane as their primary heating source knows just how trustworthy companies such as Chippewa Valley Energy are when it comes to keep fill. Always blame it on the universal computer glitch.

Sorry, I digressed but wanted to get in that cheap shot.

Not only did I stop ordering the stuff, but I made the cardinal sin of deleting it from my book mark list on the 'puter so now, with my fading memory, I cannot reorder as I cannot remember what the hell it was.

But yesterday I got yet another catalog of similar ilk, Joint and Muscle Science, one of those papery pamphlets that are held closed by those adhesived circles, bent in half, front cover to rear cover. They have (and I am quoting now) a new breakthrough - stops pain quickly AND rebuilds worn down and damaged joints. Not only that, it provides better mobility.

So, hesitantly, I looked over the 800 number and thought about the rigamarole I would have to go through to get one feckin' bottle of 30 tabs of "JOINT ADVANTAGE GOLD".

If you have ever ordered anything with an 800 number you know very well what I'm talkin' 'bout. You go through name, rank, serial number, blood type, number of marriages, number of credit card, date of birth, and hat's just introduction to the rigamarole.

I only want one bottle but the automaton on the headset has her marching orders and no matter how many times I tell her I only want one bottle, I have to listen to her spiel about how much cheaper it would be to buy three bottles, six bottles, hell, the entire company!

I only wish I had the balls to stop her in mid sentence and ask: "As a first time customer, why would I purchase 1,000 tabs?
I want to find out if it works first, 'kay? Says here that customers have testified that they have "enjoyed significant improvement within just one week." So, lady, here's the deal -- I buy 30 @ 27.99 (free shipping). If I find that I am enjoying significant improvement within just one week, I will call you back and order a whole shitload of your stuff."

I have dealt with some operators who won't give up until you threaten to cancel what you intended to order. Once I actually did cancel my order after having attempted to place it because she just would not take no for an answer. I took great satisfaction in that instance.

So today's experience went fairly well but she was all business. I attempted to interject some humor early on in the conversation but she ignored it and went on to the next statement on her laminated list. I think she only asked once if I wouldn't like to save a little money by ordering six bottles (that's 180 days worth) because there's a money back guarantee.

Now that's something to look forward to; deciding Joint Advantage Gold doesn't help and then having to package and ship the remainder back. No thanks, and, by the way, do you have automatic refill? Well, of course you do.


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