HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN:

HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN - city of big bottoms and small minds.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Late saturday afternoon my bosom buddy, Mr. Tom Johnson, Madison, Wisonsin, arrived to "Senior Citizen Sit" the halt and the lame - that'd be me.
Waiting for him was a pizza (the ingredients of which he had thought up himself and I consider to be one of the best combinations) an Italian sausage and chopped jalepeno stuffed green olives, appropriately named "The Blinky" after Tom's appropriate nick name.

Thomas is a former New York City apartment renovator and so I shamelessly wheedled him into putting up a wood shelf here at the "Man Cave" as I needed more space to store the latest trunk hobby extending from my main hobby of collecting NfL helmets - collecting authentic National Football League game footballs, some autographed by players, others not but still carrying the ingrained imprint of the National Football League commissioner at the time the football was manufactured. so I have two Paul Tagliabues, only because they are both personally autographed by NFL players Shaun King #9, who played his college ball at Tulane University under Bobby Bowden, and William Henderson, number 33, recently retired fullbck with the GB Packers.

King subsequently was drafted in the second round of the 1999 NFL Draft by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, his hometown team.

The second Tagliabue ball, as I mentioned above, is autographed by one of my favorite new era Packers, fullback William Henderson, who blocked , ran, and caught safety valve passes for a guy named Brett Favre.

The first football I snagged off ebay at a ridiculously low price is a Pete Rozelle autographed by then Cowboy coach Tom Landry.

The last ball I won on ebay is the oldest, as it was built before the days when commissioners had their names inscribed. It is "The Duke", the same ball that was used from 1941 until the 1070's.

Above the football display to the left is a great reproduction of a poster depicting the 1963 Green Bay Packer schedule of games. On the right is an as of yet not filled jersey display case which eventually will display a Paul Hornung jersey.

Tom and I had a great two days together, watched a couple of movies on DVD: SURROGATES with Bruce Willis (don't bother - it sucked) and THE DARK KNIGHT which I purchased for my own personal collection for one reason only and that is the incredible performance turned in by the late Heath Ledger as the Joker. I have watched it four times now and as a guy with some theatre background, I can tell you that Ledger's technique is astounding. He is totally immersed in the role and if he didn't get an Academy Award for that role there is no justice.

Chritian Bale played The Dark Knight and I am not generally a Bale fan.

We met my brother Bob and his lovely wife Dorothy for what has become my traditional Sunday brunch at Perkins on business Highway 53, finished the shelf installation, and headed over to the Eau Claire Brew Pub to watch Badger Vs Gopher hockey on the big screen, imbibing first in the house Stout - very reminiscent of Guiness - but then I made a grievous error and asked for the new Walter's beer with which I was less than pleased. Tom, a wiser man, stayed with the house Stout.

Tom left very early this morning for Watertown as he is teaching an adult education English class at the technical school branch there.

He is seriously considering coming up for a nightw ith the Larry Heagle Band at the Red Parrot on St Patrick's Day, March 17, from 7-10 PM and then crashing here at the orifice.

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Got some good stuff by e mail:

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...


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My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend.."

And then the fight started....


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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day..

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And then the fight started...


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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....


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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a stainless bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...


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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...


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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...


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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...


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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...


ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I have been working diligently to attempt to contact someone who can point me in the right direction towards my goal of getting Fred (Fuzzy) Thurston's autograph on a helmet made especially for that purpose. I have tried e mailing Fuzzy's son, I have spoken with a bar tender on the phone, I sent a very polite "snail mail", and then yesterday I sent a photograph of the helmet attached to the following e mail:

Tori:

Taking the great advice of Mr. Thurston himself, I am never, never going to quit in my pursuit of getting his autograph on the above likeness of his Packer helmet from 1961 because as he so aptly puts it, "You've always got a chance!"

The helmet pictured was manufactured 'specially for me by Mr. Curtis Worrell of Helmet Hut in Warsaw, Indiana. and I have written several times requesting instructions on how I might get Fuzzy's autograph so that I may have it encased dead center in my Packer shrine.

My wife and I would love to take a road trip to Title Town with the specific purpose of obtaining the autograph. If Mr. Thurston is unavailable at this time, I would certainly be willing to leave the helmet in your capable hands (in a pre-paid Fed Ex shipping box, of course). I would really be grateful for at least some sort of response from you or if you are not management, from someone who is.

Might as well - because (see below)

Larry Heagle
cell: 715 590 8222



"Never, never quit until it's over. You've always got a chance."
Fuzzy Thurston




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A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's still perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

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Results of recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine ,and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex... * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.

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As of tis morning, still no reply from the folks at Green Bay re: helmet signing. Next step: guerilla tactics. Kim and I will drive to Title Town, get a motel, tour the Packer Hall of Fame, and then do a sit-in at Fuzzy's Club #63 on Mason Street until I get some action. I ain't goin' away!

GO PACK GO PACK GO PACK GO PACK GO PACK GO PACK GO PACK GO PACK GO PACK GO PACK - GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

SPRING IS COMING I AM CERTAIN OF IT. I SAW THE TRUE FIRST SIGN OF SPRING IN WISCONSIN YESTERDAY: a pot hole that could swallow a Volkswagon!

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