HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN:

HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN - city of big bottoms and small minds.

Friday, November 13, 2009

DUMB AND DUMBER IN GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN

Packers employee fired over McCarthy remark


For at least 22 years, Mike Wood has worked on game days at Lambeau Field as a part-timer with the stadium's maintenance staff. It was a job he loved because it meant working for a franchise he loves. That relationship is over. Wood, 53, was fired Nov. 1, the day the Packers lost to the Minnesota Vikings, 38-26. He says it had something to do with a comment he made to head coach Mike McCarthy on the Thursday before the game. Wood was initially reluctant to tell his version of what happened but then he agreed to speak to a reporter. His friends say Wood, known as Woody, deserves better. Wood said he was sitting in a maintenance cart in a stadium tunnel when McCarthy was talking with members of the grounds crew. With the season's most-hyped game only three days away, Wood said he yelled to McCarthy, "Hey coach, let's get the boys ready to kick some butt this weekend." Wood says that's all he said.

This article was brought to my attention by my Ohio buddy Kirk Roebuck. Kirk says the best answer that he found on Sports Illustrated.com was: “Don’t worry, you’ll get a better job. Look at the last guy they fired (Favre)”.

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Kim and I were out shopping this afternoon and while I was perusing the "on sale" movie DVD's at Wally's Mart, I got the sudden urge to use the facility, to pinch a loaf, to drop a load, to make #2. As I hurried towards the centrally located Men's room (why is it that I am always at the furthest possible point away from the rest room when I get the sudden urge??) I began not only to ponder that question but to come to the realization that there are always two instances when I am suddenly in desperate need of relief: 1. shopping in a busy department store and 2. looking for a library book deep in the bowels (no pun intended) of the public library.

Luckily I beat the guy who entered the rest room ahead of me to the one remaining stall or it could have been disastrous! As I sat purging, I pondered the phenomenon mentioned and came to the conclusion that from now on, rather than spending copious amounts of money on Metamucil and bran, i will instead just go to the library and await the inevitable result!

I guess I would like to blame it on the fact that I am "getting older" but the truth is I can remember that as far back as my college days all I had to do to have to really "go" was to be back in the stacks trying to do some research on a damn term paper.

There are some things that have begun happening that didn't happen when i was younger. For instance, I can no longer discern the difference between the colors navy and black. I realized this last week when I went to the Army Navy Surplus store to replace my raggedy old pea coat that served me in good stead for almost twenty years.

Now the big color in my life is yellow... yellow walls and yellow teeth! Something else I have had to come to grips with since the last vacation I took. Going on the trip was good - but coming home was much better. I am good for about two days before I start asking when we can go home.

People used to say "You look great!" - but now they always add "for your age." I can still remember the first time I heard that - or close to that. I was working a banquet in Marshfield and was "impressing" this young (late 30's) woman with tales of my on the road exploits when she said: "Wow! I'll bet you were really something in your day!"

Excuse me - I will be standing over there.

When I was in college and really needed discounts, I paid full price. Now I get discounts on just about everything - movies, hotels, flights - not that I'm complaining. It took me until I turned 66 to be able to say out loud: "Senior Discount".

An embarrassing part of growing older is that I keep forgetting names -- but it's okay because other people forget they even know me! It happened again today in Walgreen's. I walked right past a guy who was a counselor in the school at which I taught. Looked right at me and didn't know me. (Maybe he did know me and was thinking the same thing I was: "Oh, Christ! There's that dipshit! I'll just ignore him")

I have absolutely no shirts that do not have a stain about half way between the neckline and the belt line. Not one! When did hitting the old pie hole become so difficult? I have learned never to ask my wife how I look when I get dressed because she will tell me the truth.

Or she will use the wifely standard: "You're not wearing that are you?"

The five pounds I was going to lose is now closer to twenty and I have a better chance of losing my keys than the twenty pounds. I now have three sizes of clothes in my closet, two of which I will never wear again.

The things that I cared to do I no longer care to do but I care that I don't care to do them anymore.

I have found that I sleep better in the lounge chair with the TV blaring than I do in bed. I call it my "pre-sleep" sleep.

When I was a kid my mother used to say: "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident!" Now I bring along clean underwear in case I HAVE an accident.

I miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch; when Google, ipod, email, and modem were unheard of and a mouse was something that you beat hell out of with a broom.

Lately a lot more four letter words are creeping into my vocabulary - four letter words like "WHAT?" and "WHEN?". Mostly "WHAT?" and every time I say it I have a flashback of my father saying it!

I hate it when I get about 100 pages into a book before I realize I've read it before. Same for movies except I really can't remember how it turns out so I am forced to watch the damn thing all the way through again.

My wife gets PEOPLE magazine. I have no idea who any of those people are!

There! I said it!

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