HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN:

HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN - city of big bottoms and small minds.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Hey! Friends of the Forest Floor: BITE ME!

7:23 A.M. -- I'm over here early to do a call in with Jay Moore on Moose Country (106.7FM) to discuss this summer's campaign against the nefarious wood tick infestation of the month of June.

Not only will I be talking abut recent tick attacks, but I will be introducing the Larry Heagle Wood Tick Rescue Tick -- a clear plastic tube containing the following:

1 tweezers
2 band aids
2 alcohol swabs
2 matches
2 mints
Complete directions for use

Recently, I received "hate mail" from some fringe group called "Friends of the Forest Floor":

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE


Environmental Group Protests Treatment of Wood Ticks

The environmental group Friends of the Forest Floor is targeting Larry Heagle for promoting inhumane treatment of wood ticks. Since Heagle declared June National Wood Tick Month, the group has become concerned that he is encouraging people to bag their limit in ticks, offering them a Wood Tick Rescue Kit, and telling them how to do away with the critters. The group cites Heagle's suggestion of whacking ticks with a meat cleaver as heavy-handed and cruel.

"Wood ticks are important to the environment as a parasite link between bacteria, animals, and humans," comments the group's spokesperson. "We are already concerned about the tick's welfare. We don't need Larry Heagle inciting the public to find and destroy more ticks."

The group finds Heagle's new video on YouTube tasteless. "That video goes way too far," notes the spokesperson. "Getting naked in the woods is not a safe practice. If Larry Heagle doesn't cease his attack on wood ticks, we will boycott him and his song."

Heagle dismisses the group's concerns. "I've already picked seventy-five wood ticks off me this year, and it's only midway through wood tick month. This group needs to worry about some other friend of the forest floor, not wood ticks. My video and song give people ideas of how to check for ticks and how to get rid of them. I'm speaking from experience. After all, I am a super-charged tick magnet. Last week a tick attached itself to my t’aint region."

BUSY BODIES!

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The George W Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning
stages. You'll want to be one of the first to make a contribution to
this man's unforgettable legacy.

The Library will include:


The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.


The Alberto Gonzales Room, where nothing is remembered.


The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you'll get credit for attending
even if you don't show up.


The Walter Reed Hospital Room--admission is usually denied.


The Guantanamo Bay Room--civil rights are not in effect here.


The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to
find.


The Iraq War Room. After completing your first tour,
you will be forced to go back for a second, third, fourth, and
sometimes
fifth tours.


The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete
with shooting gallery.


Plans also include:The K-Street Project Gift Shop- Where you can
buy (or just steal) an election.


The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite
Republican Senators.


Last, but not least, there will be an entire floor devoted to a 7/8
scale model of the President's ego.

To highlight the President's accomplishments, the museum will have
an electron microscope to help you locate them.

When asked, President Bush said that he didn't care so much about
the individual exhibits as long as his museum was better than his
father's.

_________________________________________________________________

Although a definite date has not yet been set, I will be releasing a comedy CD sometime in the month of July entitled: "Living On the Edge". We have been in negotiation with Bill Mitchell (Rhinelander radio station) as the location for the CD release.

Look for more detail on my site later on!

Also, work is in progress to add the Wood tick video to YouTube -- as of now it is only available on my site.

I got an interesting telephone call from a gentleman in California earlier in the week. Turns out he is a member of the lighting crew for "The Brothers Four" and really dug "The Wood Tick Song" (as well as "The Vasectomy").

The question is -- does anyone remember The Brothers Four?

Once there were green fields
kissed by the sun
Once there were valleys where rivers used to run

etc.

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Talking about temps near 90 degrees today. Sounds like a good day to hide out in the house.

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