I just finished reading the story on Brett Favre in the December 10th issue of Sports Illustrated. If you are a Packer fan, do yourself a distinct favor and pick up a copy. Brett has truly grown into a complete man, worthy of the title "hero". He is just the best!
________________________________________________________________________
No sooner had I written my views on political correctness when I received the following from my good friend Matthew Capell who is presently residing near Naples, Italy:
-
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 24th, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't
be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees
can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make
the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for
employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the
Party. Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We
recognize that hanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or
Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your
enjoyment. Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the
Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe
$10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home
in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to
the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have
to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be
flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too. To the person asking
permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available
for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We
suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There
will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply
"No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly
at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it.
You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know
tomatoes have feeling, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard
them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!! Hope you all have a rotten
holiday * drink, drive, and die!
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery,
and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
instead, give everyone the afternoon of 24th December off with full pay.
_____________________________________________________________
I attempted to do some grocery shopping this (saturday) afternoon. The parking lot was jammed, but I though I spotted an open parking place not to far from the front doors. I start to make my turn into the space only to find a sign that says: "Reserved For Mother with Small Child". so I cruise around awhile and finally find another one -- only this one has a sign that says: "Reserved for Employee of the Month".
Now I am getting a little peeved. I mean, it used to be that they had reserved parking for the handicapped and I accepted that, but what the hell??
I end up parking at the far end of the lot. Hell, I can use the exercise, I rationalize.
Now I go into the store and start the battles all over again. I fight my way past the shoppers pushing their little darlings around in shopping carts that are behemoths designed to look like train engines and automobiles. Try getting around one of those in a regulation size grocery aisle!
Not to mention the miniature shopping carts with the flags on them that say "Grocery Shopper in Training". Well, ain't that just cuter than shit! Get the hell out of my way you little critter of dubious parentage!
We've lost all sense! Suffer the little children to come on to me, Jesus said.
Well, git ready, Lord, cuz I'm 'bout to run over some and send 'em yer way!
I remember how the old saying went: "Children should be seen, not heard." Well, when I'm King, the new saying will be: "Children shan't be seen nor heard, but left at home!"
How old are you , kid? Five? Wanna live to be six?
How come we have to pass a test to drive but nobody has to pass a test to breed?
No comments:
Post a Comment