We Don't Have It, But We Can Get It For You

More and more I have begun to rely on buying goods on line. Some people worry about identity theft but I went ahead and covered my bases by registering with the Federal Trade Commission (www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/microsites/idtheft/) and I cybershop with confidence.

There are some good reasons why I cybershop. Is there anything more irritating than to go into your local retailer, look from aisle to aisle to aisle, finally corner an employee, ask them if they carry what you are looking for and get one of the following: "Gee, I'm sorry but we are presently out of that" or "have you tried such and such a store?", or my all time favorite: "WE DON'T HAVE THAT, BUT I CAN GET IT FOR YOU."

Well, hey, I want to tell the moron, I can GET IT FOR MYSELF!

And I do. In the comfort of my own home without having to fight traffic, spend $4.00 a gallon on fuel, and deal with 'droids who don't understand the concept of keeping shelves stocked.

I swear there have been days when I have been tempted to drive out to the edge of the city and find the sign that announces "Eau Claire, population 65,000", and carefully paint what should be the city slogan below that: "We don't have it, but we can get it for you."

I know what you are thinkiing. I am spending more money than if I bought it locally. Maybe that's true, but to me, it is damn well worth it to know that I can sit at my keyboard, surf through the wonderful world of cybermalls, find exactly what I want, and order it with my pointer finger, rather than go to the mall, battle for a parking place, watch parents fight with screaming kids, and then try to find my car in the parking lot in a downpour.

Yes, it takes a few days for the man in the big brown truck to deliver the goods, and it might cost me a few bucks more to cover shipping and handling, but that's an expense I can deal with. I am at the point where the less I have to deal with real retailers, the better I like it.

Let's see, what have I ordered and received without a hassle recently: guitar strings (buy a dozen sets, get a hell of a discount), guitar stands, guitar tuners, coffee, coffee maker, an FM radio, a really well made leather jacket, rain gear, knives, fishing gear, caps and hats (there is a difference, remember Andy Hyman?), football and baseball jerseys, tickets to concerts, Brewer and Packer games, hotel reservations, air flights, train tickets, magazine subscriptions, well, I think you get the idea.