Winter's "Black Dog" (as my friend Tom 'Blinky' Johnson refers to depression) has its craggy teeth sunk deep into my flesh. If you are one of the few that checks my blog daily, you may have noticed the silence, a certain sign that Larry's got the blues pretty damn bad.
I have had it explained to me by my shrink. It's the short days of winter, the long dark nights. It's the stretching periods of days on end where there is no sunshine. Doesn't make it any easier just because I understand it.
Couple that darkness with the darkness of my work calendar. again and again I reach the same conclusion: If I ain't workin' -- down I go. I feed on performing It is my life's blood. It keeps my soul fired up to be giving to people -- making them laugh their way out of their own blues.
does that make me a bit pathetic? Or REALLY a loser?
So I've been spending a lot of time sleeping. If I sleep enough, Spring will come. My appetite is not good. I can get by on one meal a day when I am like this.
I did get some work done at the office today that I have been dragging my feet over for months. Did a complete update /inventory on my professional equipment and submitted it to my insurance company so that if someone steals my gear, I can at least payoff the debt I have been accruing in the lean months.
Sometimes I make myself feel better by remembering that I am mortal and that no matter what happens, some day it won't mean shit. Not much the world can do to you after your earthly remains are in a jar.
Here's the good news. After thinking I had absolutely no work coming in for February because I hadn't heard from manager Liz, I found out it's because my e mail has been screwed up ever since I changed servers about three weeks ago -- and in all actuality, February, as it progresses, is looking pretty good after all.
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I am a little nervous about taking care of my mother-in-law this coming thursday and friday. She will be staying with us and I am primary caregiver for those two days. I love Joy dearly. Lately she is showing signs of rapid decline towards dementia -- and forgetfulness and being diabetic are a dangerous combination. So say a little prayer for us!
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On a lighter note, I must say I thoroughly enjoyed the Super Bowl yesterday! Not a Randy Moss fan -- won't ever be! Not a Bill (big baby) Bellichek fan. Did you see him start to leave before the game was over? And so glad that the Pats ended up 18-1! so much for Tom Terrific!
Hats off to the NY Giants DEFENSE and to that Manning boy! That was a real barn-burner!
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