HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN:

HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN - city of big bottoms and small minds.

Monday, February 18, 2008

ALL I Want Is A Room Somewhere


I was unable to make an entry in my blog for this past saturday from my hotel in Waukesha as their rooms do not carry high speed internet. Can you believe in this day and age, in a hotel that is large enough to cater to conventions and busines people in gneral and they give no access to internet and e mail???

I guess, truthfully, I was lucky to get a room at all as the woman who was in charge of securing my room somehow managed to let it slip her mind.

It is one of my all time pet peeves as a road warrior to attempt to check into a motel whee everything was supposed to have been taken care of in advance by the company I am working for, only to find that the desk has never heard of me.

So I asked them to look under reservations for "Wisconsin Waste Water Association" -- no dice -- I wasn't there, either. so I traipsed all the way down to the meeting rooms and interrupted the woman during her lunch to explain the situation.

She in turn went back with me to the desk. Around we go again, with the same answers. There is no reservation for Larry Heagle. My hostess then gets the number for the Best Western across the highway and goes back to lunch. advising me to "sit tight" in case there is a cancellation at this hotel.

Sure enough, five minutes later, they announce that they have a cancellation and therefore a room for me. Now it's the long walk back down to the banquet room and finally I get checked in to room 148.

For some reason, I have trouble sleeping on the road. Friday night I got very little sleep so this saturday afternoon ordeal wasn't sitting very well with mr. disposition. I did manage to get an hour or so before having to set up speakers, etc.

The show went well, but the buzz around the hotel was about an impendng ice storm which was to be descending on this particular part of the state "any minute now".

So I packed my gear and fortified with a double vodka gimlet (thanks, Matt) and a bottle of Heineken (thanks, Dutch people), I jumped on Highway 94 and headed for home.

As soon as the adrenalin from the show wore off -- just south of Madison-- it became a furious battle to stay awake and not hit the ditch after falling asleep at the wheel. all I could think of was how ironic it would be that while trying to outrun a storm, I was killed because I fell asleep at the wheel.

Four stops and nineteen cups of coffee later, I finally crept down the driveway of home about 2 AM.

I don't think the ice storm ever materialized.

Here is is, Flag Day -- Kim has the day off, and we are almost trapped by more incoming snow. This winter has been a pisser. eh? We did manage to make up for our lost saturday morning brunch (because of last saturday's travel day) at Perkins and it was most relaxing.

Then we went over to what has to be Ms Kim's favorite store: "The Dollar Store" and fought off all kinds of urges to buy shit we didn't need because it was only a DOLLAR!

Pictured with today's blog is the notice left in my mailbox by my mail man Steve last saturday while I was on my way to DeForest for my saturday night gig. If you look very closely, in the upper right hand corner you will see that the package I need to sign for is my special order Ray Nitschke jersey, which I had made for me in the Phillipines by "I Have The Gift", a web site run by Mr. Harv Harvison, a man, that although I have never met him, I feel like i know him as we have conversed so often by e mail.

Hell, sometime ago, I even sent him a copy of my CD with the Vasectomy Song on it. He has been trying to convince me to fly to the Phillipines and meet some of the thousands of young Filipino women who just love American men.

Ah --thanks, Harv -- but no thanks -- I don't think Mizz Kim would take too kindly to that. And what would a 66 yr old dude like me do with young Filipino women if I was single? Play cards?

Anyway -- Because today is a national holiday and post offices are closed, I won't be able to get my jersey until tomorrow morning. got the "can hardly waits".

I need to get down to the Fall Creek Post Office and give the employees some shit anyway -- been way too long since I have gotten on Shirley's case!

This football collection thing will probably end up getting out of hand -- I have my pals at Aerco Auto Body finishing off my "Bart Starr" (or it might be a Ray Nitschke) helmet currently, and in the planning stages are a Pat Tillman Cardinals helmet, a Wisconsin Badgers helmet, a Washington Redskins Billy Kilmer Helmet, and finally a Jim Brown Cleveland Browns helmet.

It has been really fun so far because I have been eBaying and watching my prices -- just got a Riddell in primo shape for $20.50!

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And this latest contribution from Matt:

Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the
wonder dog, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me
asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was
starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because
I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of
most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the foods
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled
with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was
laughing so hard.

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!

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