HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN:

HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN - city of big bottoms and small minds.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

SOLVING THE CASE OF THE MISSING CELL PHONE WITH DETECTIVE IDIOT

Yesterday was bonkers! In addition to trying to outrun the impending snow storm while stacking firewood, after I bid my friend Tom adieu, I ran several errands including trips to Perkins, Menard's (twice) and White Glass to pick up custom made shelving.

About mid-afternoon, just about the time we were going to take Hammy the cat to the veterinarian, I discovered that my cell phone was not in its holster attached to my belt. Nor was the holster! I have had the darn thing for what? 11 years without ever misplacing it?

Just last week I was giving Kim a hard time about having to call Cindy to help her locate her cell phone. Now here I was - in the same embarrassing situation, having a major "senior moment". So I picked up the land line and dialed my cell - AND THE LINE WAS BUSY!!

Now, of course, I am convinced that it must have fallen off while I was out running errands and someone else is now using up the $21.64 that I had left on the phone!

While I was waiting for my glass shelving at White's, I asked if I could use their phone.
"Sure, go ahead," says the nice clerk. I dial the number and this time it rings through. It rings and rings until I hear my voice come on about leaving a message.

I leave a message asking whoever found the phone to call me at my home number. I drive home in hopes that when I get there Kim will have good news for me. No good news. Nobody has called.

I then call Perkins and Menard's and ask if anyhone has turned in a cell phone. Negative. I dial my cell number again and it rings through and I leave another message for the bastard that has my phone.

We take Hammy in to see the doctor as Kim is worried about the way he sometimes favors his right front paw. The doc examines the right leg thoroughly and tells her it's all in her head.

We leave and all the way home in the car I am grousing about the bastard who found my phone and is probably using all my minutes up calling someone in Rangoon. Kim asks what makes me so sure that someone has the phone. I tell her it's because the first time I tried to call the cell, someone was using it - and I got a busy signal. -- And now they aren't answsering the phone at all, even though I've left two messages to call me.

Kim then puts forth the far-fetched notion that someone may have been dialing the cell phone at the same time I was. Why don't I go over to the office and try calling the number again?

So away I go, stumbling through the rain turning to snow, into the office and mumbling about how far-fetched Kim's thinking is. I dial the phone and -- and -- I HEAR IT RINGING. IT'S SOMEWHERE IN THE OFFICE.

Before I can locate the ringing sound, the answer machine kicks in. I try again, this time in the back of the bungalow because that's generally where it is coming from. I dial - it starts ringing - and leads me to the coat hanger in the back hall. The damn thing is in the coat pocket of my rain coat! I then remember I put it in there while I was stacking wood so I wouldn't miss any "important" calls.





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Last night we went to Mike's Smokehouse for their friday night fish. As we are leaving the parked vehicle I begin bitching to Kim: "Damn it! I forgot my glasses again!" Kim starts laughing at me. I am WEARING my glasses.

TIME TO PUT ME IN THE HOME!!!

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