The first indicaton that the St. Patrick's Day house party in Green Bay is not going to be good is when I get the telephone call from my would be employer and we get down to the nitty gritty of dollars and cents. He sandpapers me from my normal fee to half, because he "really can't afford that much", but finally agrees to cover hotel expense.
The day arrives and I drive the nearly four hours to Title Town, check into the motel and seek the house address before dark. I always like to arrive early for my own peace of mind.
Rolling up to the address, I am taken aback at the size of the structure. It is expansive, to say the least, and the manicured landscape, the impeccable brick masonry, the reaching fireplace chimneys, speak of an economic lifestyle I know I will never realize in my lifetme.
And then that feeling floods over me: "Well, of course, what did you expect? A businessman who is going to treat you with respect? How many years have you been doing this and you are still the innocent??"
I take that deep breath of resignation, keys still janglng in the ignition, then make the long walk up the long driveway and ring the door bell.
The wife meets me at the door and is excited to see me: "Larry! you made it! Any trouble finding the motel or the house?"
"No, no, " I reply, "good directions, thank you."
Now the Irish blarney kicks in as my subconscious tells me to be gracious.
"Wow! This is really a beautiful home. It is indeed an honor and a privilege to be a part of your day."
The host is in the backgrond, fiddling with his bar set up, and to that he says: "Does that mean that you want to perform non gratis?"
The wife and I are both stunned on a couple of levels. Our eyes lock and she whispers: "Don't pay any attention to him. He doesn't know what he's talking about."
I am thinking to myself: "he certainly doesn't. Non gratis means 'not for free'! So absolutely I want to perform non gratis with a hell of a raise because you squeezed me on the phone and she's right, idiot, you don't know what the hell you are talking about so don't ever use Latin again until you know what you are saying!"
My voice, however, just says: "Yes, that means I want to perform non gratis."
I ask the pertinent questions and find that he has invited 75 of his "closest friends" to the party so I tell him I am going to bring in a downsized version of my public address sysytem.
"Oh, you won't need a PA system."
I tell him that just for my own comfort level, I will set it up anyway, just in case.
Later, I return for the gig, kill the engine, and catch the familiar din of a house cocktail party gone berserk. I recall pulling up in front of the Milwaukee Arts Center, some years back, to entertain for the Wisconsin State Newspapers Convention and being stunned by the sheer volume emitted by all those alcohol-driven vocal cords as I sat in my van, some one hundred twenty yards from the building.
I am, by nature, rather retiring in the face of strangers in crowds, an attribute that my wife says sometimes comes off as arrogance. I plunge into the party, hoping to gain some insights into the nature of the beast.
A singular black man, carrying on an animated conversation, draws my immediate attention so I sidle near. He includes me as a part of his audience.
Soon I am his only audience, and to my credit, a good audience, as I enjoy playing interviewer. truthfully, I am enthralled with the man. I hear his life story and the life story of his wife, the good son, the bad son,the value of teaching values, and selfishly, I think to myself, here, at least, will be one ally when it is my time at the microphone.
This thought trips a glance at my watch. It is well past the appointed time I was to "go on", so I excuse myself with assurances from my new found friend that he is really looking forward to my show, and I locate the hostess.
"Oh!" She is surprised. "would you like to get started? Okay, Just go ahead."
"I don't think that anybody knows I am here and it would be good to have you get their attention with a little introduction, if you don't mind."
"Really? Okay. I can do that."I flip on the switch to the PA and she tries: "Everyone! Everyone? Everyone!! The din does not decrease in the least so she forges ahead:
"Larry Heagle is here to entertain us tonight. We met him at a house party in Eau Claire and I just know you are going to love him. Larry Heagle!"
If anyone has heard the introduction it is not apparent. What is apparent is that my ally is just finishing buttoning his overcoat and leaving the party as I am being introduced.
(This is one in a series of excerpts that I will be presenting in my blog space from a book I am currently working on that I hope to publish through Monarch Publishing.)
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