I awoke with a start just a few minutes ago with the solution to the nation's financial downfall clear in my mind - (yeh, right).
No, here's the deal! Remember how, after addressing the congress, President Obama was swamped by senators and representatives for autographs? He is the first president to be treated like a "rock star" and it's time for him to carry the mantle thrust upon him by fame.
Let's send him out on autograph tours across this great nation of ours! Right now, he is giving away what could be thousands of relief dollars by signing his name to photographs, tee shirts, and God knows what. So we have him do what NFL players do - charge a fee for each autograph. It could be "pay what you can afford".
Now that I think about it, we could organize huge "fairs" that would feature the Bernie Madoff Dunk Tank. Why should that bastard just sit around in jail when he could be out on tour, sitting on that little platform, perched high above a huge barrel of liquid manure.
We could even have an emergency medical team standing by for the inevitable heart attack. Wouldn't want to kill the goose that lays the golden egg! and people could make cash side bets as to when the ticker would give out.
There could also be another freak show with George W. standing at a podium, dodging shoes all day. Even if we charged three shoes for five dollars, we could take a huge bite out of the national debt. How about for $100 we blindfold "W"?
Now this is a national tour I wouldn't miss! The Obama Autograph Tour, supplemented by the Madoff Dunk Tank and the George W Shoe Toss. Bring it to Oakwood Mall and I'll be there!
Okay -- back to bed.