Monday, November 21, 2011
HOLY SHIBIT! LAST ENTRY AUGUST 9???
I opened my blog to find out when last I contributed and was astounded to find that I haven't written since August 9th! Wish I could say that there is a good reason why, but either there are none or I don't really want to go there.
Many of my closest friends assume that because I haven't written here it means I am deeply depressed, but the answer to that is: NO MORE THAN USUAL. Decided to publish the silly picture to prove I still am sane (or insane) enough to have my sick sense of humor still working.
The hardest part of making this practical joke work is dislodging the cardboard roll from a full roll of toilet paper (note shreds) and then re-inserting it for the pay off!
A lot has happened since August 9, much of it a blur as I am a senior citizen. I have worked several gigs, all of which were very satisfying to both performer and audience. Last week at the behest of my pal Jay Moore, I performed for the Chippewa Triniteam Joy Day for Senior Citizens at the Knights of Columbus Hall on Pumphouse Road and it was one of those "All the more fun because I am doing it from the goodness of my heart, not for money" gigs and I really rolled!
Over the late summer I got really caught up in the Brewers' quest for the World Series and although they fizzled big time in the playoffs, it sure was fun while it lasted. Now I see that Fielder is at $100 million dollars a year! That is just insane! How screwed up are our priorities in this country????
Now It is Green Bay Packer time again - bread and circuses for the masses to keep them from looking where they shouldn't - like at the Occupy Wall Street Movement, which I heartily approve of.
And speaking of the greedy, the move to remove our illustrious tyrant in Madison has begun and the little guy with the mange is already sweating bullets as that movement collected 105,000 signatures within 48 hours of opening the petition drive! Only 430,000 to go.
Every time I hear a sound bite from the Republican candidates for President I wonder how in the hell any of them could be elected! Herman Cain? Imagine there's no pizza.
Have you ever had a Godfather's Pizza? I have (once) and it is very easy to imagine there's no pizza. And now the Republicans have declared that pizza is a vegetable. No, Herman is a vegetable (with big groping hands).
I took a homeless friend of ours in for a month here at the office until such time that the friend could finally find an apartment. Maybe that will help keep me out of Hell?
I wouldn't count on it.
Lately I have been opening my show this way:
"GOOD EVENING. YOU ARE LOOKING AT ME AND I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING ... YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT THE WISCONSIN NURSING HOME ASSOCIATION HAD A WORK RELEASE PROGRAM. BUT I AM LIVING PROOF. DON'T ASK HOW OLD I AM - JUST KNOW THAT I AM SOMEWHERE BETWEEN NEVER TRUST A FART AND HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP."
And lastly, a football joke:
This guy walks into a bar wearing a Minnesota Vikings jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Vikings jersey on with a little Viking helmet too.
The guy says to the bartender, 'Can my dog and I watch the Vikings game here? My TV at home is broken, and my dog and I want to see the game.'
The bartender replies, 'Normally, dogs in the bar would not be allowed, but it is not terribly busy in here, so you and the dog can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there is any trouble with you or the dog, I'll have to ask you to leave.'
The guy agrees and he and his dog start watching the game
Pretty soon the Vikings kick a field goal and the little dog jumps on the bar and walks down the bar and gives everyone a high five
The bartender says, 'Hey, that's pretty cool! What does he do for a touchdown?'
The guy answers, 'I don't know, I've only had him for 3 years!'
I told you it was a football joke - just like dem dere Wikings!