TIM TEEBOW, JOE BUCK, AND TROY AIKMAN - YUK!

I have two really huge (make that three) pet peeves when it comes to professional football.

The first relates to our "Jesus freak" Tim Teebow, who constantly tells the press and media that everything that he does on the field is because of his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Even as far back as the NFL Trials, he was spouting off about Jesus to the point that his fellow tryout team mates found him a real pain in the ass.

Okay, Timmy. We get it. You love Jesus. But when you have to keep telling us again and again, then we wonder if there is something else going on! Here's the deal, pal. It is enough that you have this personal relationship with Jesus. you demean it when you feel you have to tell us about it in every other sentence.

It's like a reformed alcoholic that finds it necessary to preach about his reformation every time you see him.

And it's not just Tim. All the other players who feel it necessary to point to heaven when they score are just as sickening. I wonder why they don't point to heaven when they fumble? Or drop an easy pass? don't you think Jesus wants to know that you love Him then, too?

My other two football pet peeves are the tandem of TV announcers who have been assigned to Packer games this season: Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. I hve tried but I cannot bear to even listen to them prattle on every Sunday anymore!

Buck is officious and Troy Aikman's English is atrocious. He constantly uses the word "what" incorrectly in sentences.

Last Sunday I finally turned the volume on the TV all the way down and tuned in 100.7 on the radio and followed the Packer announcers. At first it took a while to adjust to the fact that the radio signal is about two seconds ahead of the action on the screen (due to satellite delay), but once I got used to it, I find I like it because I can concentrate on the receiver or back that is going to be involved in the play before the play actually begins.

There, I said it.!


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WHY WOMEN TAKE SO LONG TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND INSIST ON A FRIEND GOING WITH THEM

Received this from my drummer friend, Lori Denzine:

FOR ALL THE MEN IN WOMEN'S LIVES WHO ASK "WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?"

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers"(invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance.."

In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold"The Stance".

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse,which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest,and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too
At this point, you give up.. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ...........

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!).It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!

Send this to all women that understand what bonding in the bathroom is all about!

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find...
Supportive.....
Comfortable ...
Always Lifts You Up...
Never Lets You Down, or Leaves You Hanging,
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

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Share with anyone who needs a good laugh!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! HOPING THAT YOU ARE WITH PEOPLE YOU LOVE TODAY

TODAY IS THANKSGIVING DAY - the day that I spend cooking - one of my favorite hobbies - watching Packer football - and taking stock in the people I am most thankful for in my life.

I guess I should start with the medical community because various surgeons have saved my life several times since the year 2000. I need to start with the great heart surgeon who saved my life in 2000 with a quadruple bypass, Dr. Robert Emery. Thee have been others, too numerous for this old man to conjure up at this point but I am thankful for their expertise in back surgery, knee surgery (twice), gall bladder surgery, hiatal hernia surgery - It's a wonder that I am still of this world. for that I am thankful.

Soon I will be reporting for yet another surgery, this time to have a spot of skin cancer removed from just behind and below my left ear. I am thankful that my present GP, Dr. Storlie, caught and analyzed it at this point.

Enough of the morbidity of life!

I am thankful for my three brothers: Bob, John, and Anson, all great men in their own right. I am very thankful that they are all still alive and healthy as of this writing. I miss my brother Anson because he is too far away - living in Algoma, Wisconsin. For that same reason I miss my brother John, who is living way out in Oregon. Nevertheless, I am thankful for all of them and the love they have given me!

I am very thankful to have been in the lives of my two sons, Jonathan and David. They, too, live way too far away in Brooklyn, New York. I am thankful that they both have visited me recently and that they love me enough to call me quite often to talk about life. They are both good, talented men!

I am thankful for all the musicians that have helped make me look good in various bands over the years. I probably shouldn't start naming them all because i am bound to miss some - excuse my bad memory - but here are a few in no particular order: Bob Johnson, Gene Larson, Bill Niederberger, Jerry Holubets, Jerry Way, John Buchholz, Steve Zens, Bob Storti, Paul Fischer, Ron Keezer, Ed Treinen, Mike Richson, Jon Heagle, Justin Vernon, Gary Spaeth, Mike Vlahakis, Mike Quick, Dave Barneson, Tom Wieseler, Chuck Solberg, Tim Keilholtz, Randy Sinz, Dave Shrader, Denny Marion, Howard Leudtke, Billy Krause, Trevor LaBonte, Tiit Raid, Bill Rude, Lori Denzine, Judy Willink, and any others I may have misssed! I am grateful and thankful for all of their talent and willingness to share it with me.

Most of all, I am thankful for my wife, Kim Wilson, who is still the best person that I know. I told her just this morning that I am thankful for her love of some 33 years and for standing by me in good and bad times. She is an amazing person and I get to share Thanksgiving dinner with her today.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

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ANSWERS TO WALKER'S ATTEMPT TO RESTRICT VOTER TURN OUT - CLIP AND SAVE

My office and I have received many questions in recent months regarding the implementation of a new law
adding restrictions on voting in Wisconsin. Here are some of the most common questions and answers.
While I did not vote for these changes, I think it is important to spread the word so neighbors are prepared
before they get to the polls. If you have additional questions, please contact me directly.

CHRIS LARSON
STATE SENATOR


Q:When will I be required to show
photo identification to vote?
A: Voters will be asked to show photo identification at all
future elections, but are not REQUIRED to show an ID
until the 2012 Spring Primary.
Q:What IDs are acceptable?
A: Below is a list of acceptable IDs:
•Wisconsin DOT-issued driver’s license
•Wisconsin DOT-issued identification card
•Identification card issued by a U.S. uniformed service
(military ID)
•U.S. passport
•Certificate of naturalization issued no earlier than two
years before the date of the election it is presented
•An unexpired driver’s license or identification card
receipt issued by Wisconsin DOT
•Identification card issued by a federally recognized
Indian tribe in Wisconsin
•An unexpired identification card issued by a
Wisconsin-accredited university or college that
contains a date of issuance, student signature and
expiration date no later than two years after the date
of issuance
Q:What is the monetary cost of
IDs for voters?
A: The Wisconsin Department of Transportation will
waive the $28 fee and provide FREE ID cards to any
individual who will be at least 18 years of age on the
date of the next elections, if they specifically state the
ID is for voting purposes. This is true for voters
applying for new, renewed or reinstated IDs. So be
sure to check the box on your application form stating
the ID is for voting purposes and also let the attendant
know when you get to the counter.
P.O. BOX7882
MADISON, WI 53707-7882
(608) 266-7505
(800) 361-5487
FAX: (608) 282-3547
SEN.LARSON@LEGIS.WI.GOV
SENATORCHRISLARSON.COM
New ID Restrictions for Voting Q&A
Q:Does the address on the ID need
to be current and match the
address on the voter list?
A: No. However, if the address listed on your photo ID is
no longer current, remember to provide proof of
residency as well.
Q:Can I use an ID that is expired
for voting purposes?
A: Yes, if it expired after the date of the most recent
general election.
Q:What are election inspectors
verifying with the ID?
A:Election inspectors are verifying that the name on the
ID matches the name on the poll list and that the
photograph resembles the elector.
Q:Are any voters exempt from having
to show a photo ID?
A:The following voters are exempt from having to show
a photo ID:
•A military or overseas voter who votes by absentee ballot
•A voter who has a confidential listing, as result of
domestic abuse, sexual assault or stalking, may show
their confidential ID card or provide the election
inspector with their name and confidential ID serial
number
•An absentee voter who is indefinitely confined
because of age, physical illness, disability, or infirmity
and who has qualified to receive absentee ballots
automatically may submit a statement with their ballot
signed by an individual who witnesses them voting to
verify that the name and address are correct
•An absentee voter who resides in a nursing home,
qualified retirement home, community-based
residential facility (CBRF), residential care apartment
complex, or adult family home where special voting
deputies are sent may submit a statement with their
ballot signed by the special voting deputy to verify
that the name and address of the voter are correct
•An absentee voter residing in a qualified retirement
home, CBRF, residential care apartment complex, or
adult family home where special voting deputies are
NOT sent may submit a statement with their ballot
signed by an individual who witnesses them voting to
verify that the name and address are correct
Q:How do homeless people vote now
that a photo ID is required?
A: The Government Accountability Board and
Department of Transportation have yet to devise a
policy to properly address how a homeless individual
will prove their residence and their identity in order to
obtain an ID for voting purposes.
Q:Can university or college student
ID’s be used as their identification
and proof of residence?
A: Yes. To verify their identity the student can present a
valid student ID that contains a photo of the
cardholder along with an issuance and expiration
date. To also use the ID for proof of residence, the
student must show a fee payment receipt issued to the
cardholder by the university or college dated no
earlier than nine months before the date of the
election or their name must be on the list of current
students provided by the university.
Q:Are mail-in absentee voters required
to provide photo identification?
A: Yes. All mail-in absentee voters will be required to
send in a photo copy of photo ID with their request for
an absentee ballot, unless they request the ballot by
fax or email, in which case they must submit the photo
copy of their photo ID with the absentee ballot itself.
This requirement will also go into effect starting with
the February 2012 Primary.
Q:Once a mail-in absentee voter
provides photo identification, do
they need to continue providing
ID with subsequent requests?
A: No. Once a mail-in absentee voter has provided a
photo ID, they do not need to provide an ID again
with subsequent absentee ballot requests unless their
name or address changes.
Q:What if I do not present a photo ID at
the polls or mail it in with my ballot?
A: If a voter does not present a photo ID at the polls they
will be offered a provisional ballot. Additionally, if a
voter does not present a photo ID with an absentee
ballot, the official must treat the ballot as a provisional
ballot. In order for their vote to count, the voter must
provide proof of identification at the office of the
municipal clerk or board election commissioners no
later than 4 p.m. on the Friday after the election.

ARLO'S THANKSGIVING LETTER

Occupy Thanksgiving - Merry Everything!
It's early morning, 2011 Nov 23rd. I'm at my desk as usual drinking some decent coffee while the rest of this part of the world begins to wake up. This is my favorite time of day, before it actually starts. My family is flocking to the area - My brother is here. I haven't had him stay with us in a while. My kids are all around as well as my niece and her two kids. Yes, it's that time of year again and I'm loving it. I'm thinking about all the young people I've seen over the past month or so out in the streets around this country occupying their cities and towns - trying to change the world. I'll be joining them again where and when I can. And I'm hoping that they find food and shelter from those who can provide it. For my part there will be a Thanksgiving Dinner at the Guthrie Center (The old Trinity Church where I wrote and later filmed Alice's Restaurant). It'll be packed this year. I will spend my Thanksgiving with friends and neighbors unable to do so on their own.
I am not at all discouraged or angry with the politicians and authorities who have shown contempt and disrespect for our young people out there. I feel sorry for them. They are self-made slaves to the great whore of our times - the idea that government is best when it serves those with the most. It should come as no surprise that those bowing and groveling at the feet of privatization - social security, medicare, roads, schools and everything else, should desire that government be privatized. The idea that congressmen and women, judges and elected officials on federal, state and local levels work best when bought and paid for by those who can afford to do so is at the heart of the matter. All the other issues before us, as a nation and a world, arise from this disgusting and anti-American core value.
I urge everyone, here and abroad to show respect and gratitude to these nameless young people. Talk about them in the coffee shops and luncheonettes with friends and neighbors. They are the heroes of a new generation. They will be vilified and slandered by those who have the most to lose. But, their courage and conviction is exactly right and appropriate. They need all the support they can get as they push us forward as a civilization toward a more perfect union. And they will succeed. Slowly and inevitably they will push us into the light of a better world. The signs are all around us. There is a great hope and a wonderful dream shared by countless generations of good people inching forward through history. It will burst like a dam upon those who try to hold it back. Resistance is indeed, futile.
The coffee is cold, the frozen rain keeps falling. But, inside there is a flame which seems to get brighter. It flickers at the edge of my thoughts though I sit alone. And I send my prayers and salutations to others around the world on this day… The day before we here in the USA celebrate the things for which we are most thankful. This year, I am not only thankful but hopeful and excited. Happy Thanksgiving - Merry Everything! adg

THE TRUTH ABOUT TARGET AND OTHER UNSAVORY FACTS

This morning I came across this from blogger BlondmamaFollow:


Before 2010 I was a frequent Target shopper. I was proud that my city, Minneapolis MN, had a World wide corporation that had it's home in Minneapolis on the Nicollet Mall! I was also glad that it was owned by The Dayton Family, one of the most iconic families in Minneapolis. I used to brag it up on Camfrog, a video chatline I often visited. But this all unraveled in January 2010 when The Supreme Court decided corporations would be treated like people and allowed to help finance political campaigns with unlimited funding. So the sky was the limit and there would be no watch dog to monitor how much was given to whom! The only two Journalists who talked about it and how it could be a problem for political equity were Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow both of MSNBC at the time. I was concerned at the time but unknowingly kept shopping at Target.

Then a report came out that a new political organization was being formed in Minnesota called, MN Forward. It's press release stated that it was formed to promote Private Sector Job Growth and facilitate economic opportunity in Minnesota. It sounded great like most organizations that help the unemployed get jobs but it was a facade to fool the general population and the media! The local media dug deep to get to the truth and found out that it was secretly procuring funds from corporations for The Republican Party to help fund it's political campaigns. The largest recipient of funding from MN Forward was the Republican Gubernatorial Candidate, Tom Emmer! But the biggest shocker was that the largest financial contributors to MN Forward were The Target Corp. and Best Buy!

I thought this is nuts! The Democratic Gubernatorial candidate was Mark Dayton! Why would his family turn against him? I found out that Target had been sold by the Dayton family to another retail corp. But that still didn't make any sense because most of Target's customers are low income people. There are some that are middle class too but their primary customers are the poor ! This was like a double whammy! They are helping the political party that has always shafted the poor! This is very hypocritical of Target! All the glitzy ads saying they donate to the community is a big BS!

I made a pledge then to NEVER SHOP AT TARGET AGAIN! The only way I would is if they were apologetic and said they were sorry for their major faux pax and promised they would stay out of politics! I haven't heard that yet so I have switched to Walmart! I was sad to see the First Lady, Michelle Obama< shopping at Target! Bad move Michelle! The newly remodeled Walmart Supercenters are just as attractive as Target!

There are many alternatives to Target for you to shop. I have already mentioned Walmart,you could also join their other store, Sam's Club. Both of my twin daughters belong to Sam Club. They sell lower cost electronics, clothing, and some furniture! You have to buy in bulk food and cleaning products but if you have a big family it saves you money. If you want to save money on food shop at Aldi's! It's their brand but it's comparable to the brand name products, in fact their canned chili is much better then Hormel Chili! There are other stores too where to shop, the venerable Kmart, Big Lots, and Family Dollar, They all sell groceries too! The best dollar store is Dollar Tree because it is a genuine dollar store and they have good merchandise!

So, who needs Target? Not us LOYAL DEMOCRATS! We are not stupid enough to finance the Republican candidates indirectly! THAT'S WHAT YOU DO IF YOU SHOP AT TARGET!!!

Then I found the following in an e mail from Robert Kraig, executive director of Citizen Action of Wisconsin:

As we celebrate Thanksgiving with our friends and families, it is worth reflecting that by next Thanksgiving 65,000 Wisconsinites, including 29,000 children could be forced off BadgerCare, and tens of thousands more could be forced to pay up to 10 times more for coverage.

If Scott Walker is still Governor a year from now tens of thousands of Wisconsin families, struggling to work their way into the middle class, may have to choose between health care coverage and basic necessities.

Together we have the power to prevent this heart breaking scenario. BadgerCare could be Scott Walker’s undoing! BadgerCare is so immensely popular among all types of voters that it could be an even bigger issue in the recall elections than the attack on workers rights.

That is why I am asking you to make a special Thanksgiving gift to Citizen Action of Wisconsin to make cuts to BadgerCare a winning issue in the recall election of Scott Walker. Can you please give $65 or $29. That’s $1 for every thousand people that will be forced off BadgerCare, or $1 for every thousand children that will be forced off BadgerCare if Walker gets his way.

As I have written in columns for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Capital Times, and many other newspapers across Wisconsin, Walker’s savage attack on the health security of Wisconsinites already reeling from the worst jobs crisis since the Great Depression is happening because Scott Walker thought it was more important to give large new tax breaks to large corporations and the wealthy.

Citizen Action of Wisconsin is working tirelessly to get the word out. We are the only Wisconsin organization deeply involved in the health care issue with capacity and credibility to make BadgerCare a major issue in the recall elections.

You can help give us the resources to educate voters about Walker’s attack on BadgerCare by giving a special Thanksgiving gift of $65 (that is $1 for every 1,000 people Walker wants to force off BadgerCare) or $29 ($1 for every child that will be forced off BadgerCare).

Unbelievably, Lt. Governor Rebecca Kleefisch recently launched an ad which claims that the expense of running recall elections will take money away from health care for the poor. This is stunning, given that she is part of an administration that is seeking to force 36,000 adults and 29,000 children off BadgerCare.

The most certain way to prevent crippling cuts to BadgerCare is for Scott Walker and Rebecca Kleefisch to be voted out of office.

You can help give us the resources to educate voters about Walker’s attack on BadgerCare by giving a special Thanksgiving contribution of $65 (that is $1 for every 1,000 people Walker wants to force off BadgerCare) or $29 ($1 for every child that will be forced off BadgerCare.

Thank you in advance for your strong support!

Happy Thanksgiving from the entire Citizen Action of Wisconsin team.


Robert Kraig
Executive Director

P.S. If you wish your contribution to be tax-deductible you can support the non-partisan issue work of our charitable arm, Citizen Action of Wisconsin Education Fund. (click here, CAWEF donation page)

So next time some buffoon wants to know why you are soliciting signatures for our beloved governor's removal, tell said buffoon about what Mr. Mange Walker intends to do with the cutting of BadgerCare!

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AMERICA WANTS WEALTHIEST AMONG US TO PAY THEIR FAIR SHARE

The chairs of the congressional super committee just made a huge announcement:
The super committee will fail to send a deficit reduction plan to Congress before its deadline this week.

Progressives demanded that the rich pay their fair share, or no deal, and Democrats stood strong.

Democrats tried to craft a compromise with Republicans that included the 1% paying their fair share, but Republicans refused to budge. So Democrats walked away from the bad deals Republicans offered, just as hundreds of thousands of progressives asked them to do.

This news means that Congress will have no fast-track path for dismantling crucial programs like Social Security and Medicare.

Progressives are debating this big news at a special discussion page on ProgressivesUnited.org right now. See what they have to say and weigh in.

Hundreds of thousands of your fellow progressives around the country petitioned the super committee or contacted members directly, and this outcome couldn't have happened without progressive action.

We prevented a bad deal from the super committee, but the fight isn't over. Republicans have shown that protecting corporations and the 1% is their top priority, despite an overwhelming majority of Americans wanting the wealthiest among us to pay their fair share.

Now we must take the fight directly to Republicans, and force them to explain why protecting corporate tax loopholes is more important than preserving Medicare; why cutting Social Security benefits is better than asking the wealthiest individuals and corporations to pay their fair share in taxes; and why coddling corporate America is more important than standing up for average working families.

Progressives are debating this big news at a special discussion page on ProgressivesUnited.org right now. See what they have to say and weigh in.

We must not, and will not let up, in this important fight. Thank you for uniting with progressives,


Russ Feingold
Founder
Progressives United

_______________________________________________________________

A PERSONAL NOTE: I laughed out loud when it was announced that there would be a "Super Committee" that would work on solving our problems, consisting of half Republicans, half Democrats. Anybody with a lick of sense knew this idiotic scheme was doomed to fail from the get-go! The Just Say No Republicans have doomed every attempt at solving the problem in the Senate. Why would a stupid half and half committee produce anything different????

_______________________________________________________________

HOLY SHIBIT! LAST ENTRY AUGUST 9???

I opened my blog to find out when last I contributed and was astounded to find that I haven't written since August 9th! Wish I could say that there is a good reason why, but either there are none or I don't really want to go there.

Many of my closest friends assume that because I haven't written here it means I am deeply depressed, but the answer to that is: NO MORE THAN USUAL. Decided to publish the silly picture to prove I still am sane (or insane) enough to have my sick sense of humor still working.

The hardest part of making this practical joke work is dislodging the cardboard roll from a full roll of toilet paper (note shreds) and then re-inserting it for the pay off!

A lot has happened since August 9, much of it a blur as I am a senior citizen. I have worked several gigs, all of which were very satisfying to both performer and audience. Last week at the behest of my pal Jay Moore, I performed for the Chippewa Triniteam Joy Day for Senior Citizens at the Knights of Columbus Hall on Pumphouse Road and it was one of those "All the more fun because I am doing it from the goodness of my heart, not for money" gigs and I really rolled!

Over the late summer I got really caught up in the Brewers' quest for the World Series and although they fizzled big time in the playoffs, it sure was fun while it lasted. Now I see that Fielder is at $100 million dollars a year! That is just insane! How screwed up are our priorities in this country????

Now It is Green Bay Packer time again - bread and circuses for the masses to keep them from looking where they shouldn't - like at the Occupy Wall Street Movement, which I heartily approve of.

And speaking of the greedy, the move to remove our illustrious tyrant in Madison has begun and the little guy with the mange is already sweating bullets as that movement collected 105,000 signatures within 48 hours of opening the petition drive! Only 430,000 to go.

Every time I hear a sound bite from the Republican candidates for President I wonder how in the hell any of them could be elected! Herman Cain? Imagine there's no pizza.

Have you ever had a Godfather's Pizza? I have (once) and it is very easy to imagine there's no pizza. And now the Republicans have declared that pizza is a vegetable. No, Herman is a vegetable (with big groping hands).

I took a homeless friend of ours in for a month here at the office until such time that the friend could finally find an apartment. Maybe that will help keep me out of Hell?

I wouldn't count on it.

Lately I have been opening my show this way:

"GOOD EVENING. YOU ARE LOOKING AT ME AND I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING ... YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT THE WISCONSIN NURSING HOME ASSOCIATION HAD A WORK RELEASE PROGRAM. BUT I AM LIVING PROOF. DON'T ASK HOW OLD I AM - JUST KNOW THAT I AM SOMEWHERE BETWEEN NEVER TRUST A FART AND HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP."

And lastly, a football joke:



This guy walks into a bar wearing a Minnesota Vikings jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Vikings jersey on with a little Viking helmet too.
The guy says to the bartender, 'Can my dog and I watch the Vikings game here? My TV at home is broken, and my dog and I want to see the game.'
The bartender replies, 'Normally, dogs in the bar would not be allowed, but it is not terribly busy in here, so you and the dog can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there is any trouble with you or the dog, I'll have to ask you to leave.'
The guy agrees and he and his dog start watching the game
Pretty soon the Vikings kick a field goal and the little dog jumps on the bar and walks down the bar and gives everyone a high five
The bartender says, 'Hey, that's pretty cool! What does he do for a touchdown?'
The guy answers, 'I don't know, I've only had him for 3 years!'

I told you it was a football joke - just like dem dere Wikings!