HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN:

HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN - city of big bottoms and small minds.

Monday, August 16, 2010

WHAT DID YOU DROP IN THE TOILET TODAY?

One of the true joys of being a guy in his late sixties is the sudden realization that the plumbing is rather rapidly going to heck. And the muscles that I used to be able to hold back the torrential flood waters with have atrophied and I am officially a dribbler.

Add to this the doctor's prescription for a diuretic to reduce the swelling in my ankles, brought on by water retention.

Once I have committed the morning to constant running for the nearest bath room, it becomes an on going challenge to complete daily chores. I have gotten so that I won't get in the car until mid afternoon.

The reason? I put it to you earlier - failing muscles, incessant need to urinate - a bad combination.

The whole "accident waiting to happen" happened yesterday. I stopped to fuel up and I no sooner got the pump started than I had that intense urge - it felt like the Hoover Dam just blew!

I head for the station as fast as I can on crippled legs.

I scream "Where's the bath room?! She points.

I get to the door and there are two college kids - they are standing visiting, just far away from the bath room enough to make me wonder if they are in line. thankfully the dude ahead of us is done - I hear the flush. the door pops open and I make my move - right into two massive bodies one of which is bellering" "we were here first."

"Make ite quick - I'm in a lotta trouble here!" I yell back.

By now I am doing my Michael jackson moves to the crotch in hopes.

Finally they exit and I am on that stool! I am getting near the end of my business when some guy starts railing on the men's room door.

I half get up, flushing the handle, pants around my thighs, still over the toilet - the guy raps the door again -- I yell" Yeh! Just a minute!' and watch as my cased digital camera's weight frees the belt from the loop, the belt takes aim at the bowl and down the slide goes the camera and case - PLoop!

And all the while the bastard outside is beating on the door. That guy does not know how lucky he was I didn't have my gun.

Oh, in case you're wondering - the camera still works - but I still take pictures that belong in the toilet.

-------------------------------------------------

No comments: