1961 FEDERALLY FUNDED CAMPING AND HUNTING TRIP

Yesterday I started reading Patrick McManus' book "A Fine and Pleasant Misery" in which he puts forth observations on camping in the wild. This morning as I trudged through the darkness and searing cold of Wisconsin January, the time of year when the sound of boots on snow sounds like the tearing of styrofoam, my mind suddenly wandered back to 1961 and my own ultimate "camping trip", the call up of the Wisconsin National Guard to active duty at Fort Lewis, Washington.

Nikita Kruschev had ordered the building of a substantial concrete wall dividing East and West Berlin putting an exclamation point on the Potsdam Agreement. For reasons I have yet to fathom some 40 odd years later, then President John F. Kennedy used this as an excuse to activate the "citizen soldiers" of Wisconsin, the 32nd Red Arrow Division.

Shortly after we arrived at Fort Lewis, we were shuffled through supply and issued jungle boots. This, coupled with my observing 4th Division regular army troops loading onto C 130 transport planes at nearby McChord Air Base with steel pots, full packs and slung M-14's, led me to believe that our destination was not Germany but something a bit further east that starts with a Viet and ends with a Nam.

Having a much keener sense of humor at age 19, upon receiving my jungle boots I turned to the soldier behind me (well, he wasn't really a soldier - he ran a TV repair shop in Menomonie) and I said: "Gee. There must be some mighty big weeds growing up along that Berlin wall!"

That was the beginning of 10 months of rigorous training as "anti-guerilla guerillas". No shit. That's the title the regular army gave us!

It wasn't long before we were trucked out to the Olympic National Rain Forest for two weeks of "camping" and "hunting". Our mission was to capture United States Army Green Berets who had just returned from that place that starts with Viet and ends with Nam where they had been sent as advisors to the South Vietnamese Army.

Needless to say, these guys knew their way around a jungle - or even a rain forest, and for two weeks they would move stealthily into our bivouac under the cover of darkness and open fire with semi automatic weapons. Fortunately for the farm boys of Wisconsin (and TV repair man), they were only firing blank ammunition.

The first couple nights I would leap from the warmth of my sleeping bag, stumbling over bodies of my fellow guardsmen, fumbling in the dark for my own blank-loaded weapon, all the while listening to the sounds of rapid fire and the blood curdling screams of the Green Berets.

As quickly as they appeared they would then disappear into the night. The next day our officers, red-faced with embarrassment, would assign quadrants to the troops and we would go out and feebly try to find the "enemy". Never saw any of them. However we always got the feeling that eyes were following our every move. It was creepy.

After three or four nights of this, I grew tired of playing "killed in action" and when the shooting started I would just hunker down deeper in the bag.

Also after three or four days of eating C and K rations out of olive drab cans, the Badger boys hungered for real meat and somehow live 30.06 rounds of ammunition suddenly appeared and my cohorts did the kind of hunting at which they had a high measure of skill and the evening meals became gourmet feasts of elk stew.

And let's not forget fresh salmon. That's where I helped contribute. I had been assigned as assistant radio man to (you guessed it, Mr. TV Repair) and by day when we were supposed to be out hunting for Green Berets, another assistant (Ted Schroeder - a really crazy kid!) and I would pack the PRC-10 radio onto our backs and slip out of camp right after morning roll call. We would find one of the many beautiful mountain spring-fed creeks running through the rain forest, scout out the deepest hole, slip on polaroid sun glasses and pinpoint the biggest of the salmon lying in that hole. We would then find a pine sapling of about eight foot length, strip it of any branches, then attach two commo wires - one to the negative post, one to the positive post, then wrap the wires around the sapling until we had the two wires protruding out of the far end, about 10 inches apart.

Then Mr. -er- Private Schroeder would slowly and carefully lower the device down into the fish's lair until the wires were on either side of the salmon's unsuspecting head. Then came the whispered command: "CRANK!" and I would crank the PRC-10's handles at a rapid rate. Within seconds the stiffened salmon would rise to the surface, ready to be pan fried!

One of my most vivid memories of our "camping trip" to the Olympic Rain Forest was waking up to a six inch snowfall! That is truly an experience not to be forgotten. Soldiers always had "roomies" because we slept in "pup tents", very small canvas tents that are made up of two shelter halves. Every soldier carried a shelter half in his pack and you buddied up with someone who had the same MOS (that's military for "job"). so Private Ted and I were roomies who kept our tent warm with cans of sterno and gas expelled from eating C rations.

That morning, I awoke first. I think it was the chattering of teeth that woke me. It felt much colder than usual and there was an eerie glow outside the canvas. Then I unbuttoned the tent flap and even though it was before sun up, I found myself squinting into the vast winter wonderland before me.

When you sleep in that small an area, all you take off before you climbing into the sack are your combat boots. Ordinarily, when you arise in the morning, you go outside to slip your boots on, but in six inches of snow?? First inclination is to try to put them on inside the tent. But after bloodying your partner's lower lip with an errant elbow, it's outside (with bare feet), boog-a-loo'ing from one frozen foot to the other in a vain attempt to get your GI socks on without getting them soaking wet.

No, we may not have been the best combat soldiers. Hell, after ten months the regular army decided that we were not even fit to be cannon fodder and sent us home.

No, we did not impress the regular army brass with our field of battle savvy. We did, however, gain their respect as "moonlight requisitioners". An infantry unit carries with it, in addition to troop carrying deuce and a halfs, jeeps that pull a two wheeled trailer known as an "ammunition trailer".

Somehow, word had gotten back to one of our state congressional politicians (his name escapes me) that the 32nd Division was being treated as second class soldiers, given old abandoned rickety barracks and poorly maintained weaponry. This politician saw an opportunity to endear himself with the Wisconsin voter. Consequently, when we went out into the field on bivouc, the ammunition trailers were filled with another form of really welcomed ammunition: Leinenkugel's Beer.

After enough of that ammunition, putting on your socks in snow is the least of your worries.

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What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by
Circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife,
Ann, listened to
The instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands
And wives know the
Things that are important to each other.."

He then addressed the men,
'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite
Flower?'

Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and
Whispered,

'Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?'

And thus began Walter's life of celibacy..........

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You saw it here first ladies and gentlemen!

Do you think that Mr. Favre sat around idle during the time he first told coach Brad Childress that he had decided to retire for good this year? No, no, my naive little football fans! The Brettster had a couple of really good reasons to make that announcement. first of all, it is well known by those who worked in the inner sanctum of Lambeau's offices that Mr. Favre hates pre-season practices. He would rather dress in women's clothing and cavort than have to do two-a-days in the hot sun of August.

So instead, since Deanna had signed up to take belly dancing lessons this past August, Brett, in his loving husbandly way, accompanied Deanna to the comfort of the air conditioned dance studio.

Yes, at first he meant only to come along to keep her company, fully aware that he would want to spend as much time with her as possible before the pre-season had concluded and he would then do his flip-flop and report in time for the regular season. But as he watched Deanna and all the other lovely Bohemian Green Bay ladies work out, he found himself curiously aroused not only by this style of dance but by the costuming as well.

So while they were driving home after dance practice one day, Brett announced that he would really like to give belly dancing a try -- and (look out, here comes the second reason) it made perfect sense that he learn the dance of the magic carpet as he would be dancing all of his regular season games on the magic carpet of Mr. Ziggy's accursed Humphrey dome.

The result? After only a week's study, they made this video! At great expense a top notch crew (the kind that produces Rock videos) came in with an entire semi load of special effects including a green screen and what you see when you click on the accompanying video is the result! So sit back and enjoy!

Even now there are serious negotiations to purchase the rights to the video so that it might be shown at half time of the Super Bowl this year! Buzz Cook, however, says the parties are no where near settling on a contract. The final figure is rumored to be well over $20 million.

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THE TRUE DEFINITION OF CHUTZPAH

Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance; it's Yiddish and, as Leo Rosten writes, no other word, and no other language, can do it justice. This example is better than a thousand words...


A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and as he passed the pretzel stand he would leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel.

And this went on for more than 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the young man passed the old lady's stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him.

Without blinking an eye she said:

"They're 35 cents now."

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WOODSON, MATTHEWS, RODGERS, AND YES, EVEN MASON CROSBY, COOL IN THE DESERT

From the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel:

"If Sunday was any indication, the matchup to watch next Sunday when the Green Bay Packers and Arizona Cardinals meet in the playoffs is cornerback Charles Woodson vs. receiver Larry Fitzgerald.

In the Packers' 33-7 victory at University of Phoenix Stadium on Sunday, Woodson spent a good deal of time on Fitzgerald and in a classic one-on-one moment, beat him to the ball for an interception that he returned 45 yards for a touchdown.

It was classic Woodson. He anticipated an in-route and then bumped Fitzgerald a second before the ball arrived, gaining enough position to reach up and snare the ball with both hands. His nose for the end zone did the rest.

"I'm sure there are a lot of excellent candidates out there for the defensive MVP, but I don't know how he does not win the award," coach Mike McCarthy said. "His teammates are chanting MVP every day at practice, and he goes out and does it every Sunday. He played at a high level again today."

To control the Cardinals, you have to find a way to keep the physically imposing, monstrously talented Fitzgerald from breaking loose. He practically took over Super Bowl XLIII all by himself and remains a threat to dismantle any defense.

There's a good chance Woodson won't be totally himself Sunday because he aggravated a shoulder injury that has been bothering him for six weeks. He hurt himself reaching out to make a tackle, came out of the game and didn't return, standing on the sideline with an ice bag on his right shoulder.

McCarthy said he thought Woodson would have been able to continue playing if it were a playoff game, and Woodson, who didn't say much after the game, indicated that he would be fine. But the injury is something he's going to have to deal with against the physical Fitzgerald.

Asked whether he would have to devote Woodson to covering Fitzgerald all game long next week, defensive coordinator Dom Capers said, "We're going to have to take a good look at it. He certainly played well today."

Both teams didn't show their hands much on either side of the ball, so it remains to be seen what the Cardinals do Sunday to get Fitzgerald free. The one thing they do know is that they're facing a dangerous guy in Woodson."

After watching the Green Bay Packers absolutely demolish the Arizona Cardinals in yesterday's meaningless finale of the regular season, I don't know what to think except that Mr. Charles Woodson should hands down win the Most Valuable defensive Player of the Year Award. He has tied legendary Herb Adderley's record of seven interceptions returned for a touchdown in one season and yesterday he shut down Larry Fitzgerald which is a magnificent feat in itself.

But the fact that he is now nursing a very sore shoulder which he re-injured late in the game makes me wonder if it was wise to play the starters past the first half. I understand Coach McCarthy's reasoning that the team is hot right now and he worries that if there is a let up in intensity, if we don't continue to play "balls to the wall", the team may show up flat for the first round of the playoffs.

But my concern is that when you run up the score it tends to piss off that opponent and the sting of that defeat will fester all week and make the Cardinals very much in need of revenge this week.

I also want to mention the magnificent play of our quarterback - not just yesterday but for the entire season! Aaron Rodgers is making me say "Brett Who?"

One question. What is that celebratory move of his???? It looks more than vaguely obscene - like he has unzipped his fly and has something to show us. I watched the game with my friend Doug Cox yesterday - he has TIVO - I made him re-run that move again and again - laughed myself to tears!

So congratulations to the 11-5 Packers. I would never have predicted we wold win that many games this season the way the offensive line did not block early in the season. Kudos to Mark Tauscher on his return to the trenches. And man I gotta hand it to TT (even though I don't much care for him) - Rookie Clay Matthew is nothing less than OUTSTANDING!

And a big hand for all the Packer backers that showed up yesterday and made it sound like a home game. Towards the end of the game it was: GO, PACK, GO! GO, PACK, GO! all over the stadium. And the cameras would pan the crowd and I would see Cardinal fans sitting glumly, trying to figure out how they had suddenly ended up at Lambeau West.

GO, PACK, GO, INDEED!

So this week I shall worry a lot about the re-match and every night I shall get down on my knees and say a little prayer for Mr. Woodson's power of healing.

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THE LEGEND OF VINCE LOMBARDI LIVES ON

I am currently re-reading a wonderful book simply entitled: "Lombardi" which was put out by the National football League in 1971, publisher: David Boss, Editor: John Wiebusch, Research: Steve Taylor and all photographs (in black and white) by the great Green Bay Packer photographer: Vernon Biever. All proceeds from the book go to the Vincent T. Lombardi Cancer Research Fund of Georgetown University.

I had forgotten what an in-depth portrait of the man this book really is. While I am still a long way from finishing, this morning while I was reading of his exploits as one of the "seven blocks of granite" at Fordham University, it got me to thinking that there is an excellent movie script in the life of one of American football's greatest legends.

so I went online and guess what! ESPN is already planning the venture! Here is an excerpt from a blog:

Mark your calendars now for the last weekend of January 2011. That's when ESPN, NFL Films and Andell Entertainment are planning to release a "Lombardi," a feature-length film about the former Green Bay coach.

If all goes according to plan, the movie will debut during the bye weekend between the conference championships and Super Bowl XLV in Arlington, Texas. Read the full story here from "Variety." (note: of course now they have set up the Pro Bowl in that slot - LRH)

The film will focus on the week leading up to the 1967 "Ice Bowl" game between the Packers and Dallas Cowboys. It's based partially on Jerry Kramer's memoir "Instant Replay." Kramer and Vince Lombardi Jr. are on board as consultants.


"Lombardi" is full of great stories from individuals who knew or worked with Vince over the years. Here is an example from Tex Maule:

"Whenever they'd get to a new city Vinnie would read off the list of bars and restaurants that were off-limits. Well, they'd get to Chicago on a saturday and of course the list was a long one. Once Lombardi read what must have been a list of 200 bars and when he got through he was furious, just because it had taken up so much time to read them. So Max McGee says, "Jeez, Coach, you don't expect me to make all those places in one night, do you? Next year let's come down on a friday at least.

Vinnie darn near split a gut!"

Another quick example:

Boyd Dowler: "His big word was 'horseshit'. When he'd get mad he'd steam and his face would get colored and he'd say, 'Mister, that was horseshit.'
Oh, that word, he knew how to use it. He would call me Boyd when I'd done something well, Dowler when I'd done something fairly well and when I'd do something badly, well ... he'd use my full name. He'd say, 'Boyd Dowler, that was horseshit!"

Upon re-reading the story of the movie in progress in the Green Bay Gazette, I found there was a segment for fans to write comments. Most were very complimentary but there were a few (from Viking fans would be my guess) that were very derogatory. things like: "Lombardi was a greasy Whop" and when the question who should play the part of Lombardi was posed:

Sasha Baron Cohen
Denzel Washington
Drew Barrymore

And to those idiots I would say I guess we know who to cast as assholes in the crowd if there is a scene of a Packer/Viking game at Metropolitan Stadium.

(another note: While attending a Brewers/Twins game in the dome, I noticed that Robin Yount was not on the playing field. I turned to the total stranger sitting next to me and asked: "why isn't Yount playing today?" His answer: "He's got AIDS!"

Classy.

Excuse me - I digress into ugly.

The point I wanted to make is that if you get a chance to buy this book, don't pass it up as it is a treasure trove of Lombardi knowledge.

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HERE COMES THE COLD STUFF - TIME FOR THE HEAVY LONG JOHNS!

January second and the year's first cold snap is upon us with temperatures expected to bottom out at ten below zero tonight which always makes me nervous about the bungalow as I have visions of water pipes bursting somewhere in the dark hours illuminated only by the full moon. I must remember to crack the cold water faucet to a trickle before I close down shop here tonight. for some reason that's supposed to help.

Today was one of those days that no matter how much wood I stuffed into the stove, I could not take the chill off the place. Earlier this evening I thought I had best crank up the thermostat and let the furnace run a bit - just to be certain that it is in fact throwing warm air.

I just came back over from the house to check on the state of things and it appears that the furnace is working as it should be. No I can replenish the stove and hope for the best overnight. thought I would print this picture of the exterior of the bungalow after the first snow fall. see the tall piles of fire wood under the tarps? Well, sad to say, the stack on the right is now entirely used up with the last load I just brought in. this means I have used up two thirds of my original load of firewood with some of the coldest weather yet to come.

I hate to think about having to buy more wood before spring! but ---

We went out to lunch today. tried a new Mexican restaurant located on the north end of London road, Tequila Azul. Great food at very reasonable prices. Kim had a huge bowl of chicken soup with rice and plenty of diced white meat, freshly cut avacado and lots and lots of fresh cilantro. I opted for the huevos rancheros which was very good also. We will certainly return!

Kim is leaving next week with "The Get-Away-Girls" on a Caribbean cruise for over a week. Me? I will be holding down the fort and taking care of the little kitties.

Hammy is a stinker! He gets into everything! Recently he discovered that our tub is a whirl pool and he has figured out how to pry loose the panel that allows a repair person to get at the guts of the machinery if necessary. it is only held on by vellcro tabs. Well, that was the case until today. We made a trip to Menard's and bought four spring loaded tabs that I super glued into position and the door is now closed and the room is off limits until the glue sets up.

Too bad he's just so damn cute! What can you do???

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KIM WILSON IS TRULY MY SHELTER IN THE STORM AND A WONDERFUL LIFE'S PARTNER

"When I look into her eyes, it's then I realize, she understands me like nobody can. she is my lover and my best friend and she will be 'til the end, she's my rock when I am nothing more than sand"

Today marks our thirty third wedding anniversary and I am very proud to say that these are the thirty three happiest years of my life because of Kim Wilson. Kim is my center, my core. Without her strength I am afraid that long ago I would have been committed to a home for the insane. I have always felt that when we married I got the better part of the bargain and on this auspicious day I will list some reasons why.
Kim is the most optimistic person in the world, a trait that she exhibits every day of her life and in so doing somehow manages to pull me up with her.

Kim always sees the best in people. She absolutely refuses to speak ill of anybody she knows. She truly lives by the axiom: "If you can't say something nice about a person, don't say anything at all."

Kim has the greatest ability to truly communicate - better than anyone else that I know of in this world where it seems nobody can really get others to understand what they are trying to say. I supposedly make my living as a communicator but I stand deep in the shadow of my partner when it comes to communication.

As our relationship has matured, I find that if there are matters to be handled by telephone that need a level head, void of emotion, I ask her to please make the call as I know that if I do it I will end up yelling and screaming. So instead I plead with her a bit and then marvel as she communicates and gets what we need accomplished without even raising her voice.

Kim and I have both gone through the painful steps of losing our parents. Again, Kim was my rock all through the process. Towards the end of my mother's life, Kim was always right there with me, attending to Alice's needs and comfort.

Kim is the most patient person I know. Even though she protects her privacy at great lengths, when she is called upon to be involved in an activity that is primarily mine, she puts herself whole heartedly into the task. She is never self centered. I would never use the word "selfish" in conjunction with her personality.

Kim truly loves animals of all kinds. One of the reasons she wanted to move out into the country was to be able to once in a while get a glimpse of white tailed deer. Because we live right on the valley bank of Otter Creek, we see a lot of animal activity - particularly deer. Kim becomes very excited when she can watch deer slowly cross in front of the house. In addition to deer, she has encountered (up close and personal) black bear and wood chuck.

One time, while I was busy traveling hundreds of miles away, she had a black bear make his way up onto the deck and peer at her through the glass of the sliding doors. While I was on that same distant trip working a comedy club circuit, when I called her after the show she told me of how she had rescued a wood chuck from drowning in an uncovered garbage can filled with rain water. she had to get down on the ground, lay on her back, and push the can over with both legs to accomplish the rescue.

Kim has always allowed me to be myself. I cannot begin to tell you how important that is and how much I appreciate her for it. She has always supported my career as a performer and is one of my biggest fans. In fact, the first thing that drew me to her was her incredible laugh. She has the BEST laugh in the entire world!

She is never jealous of any success I may have achieved but instead rejoices at any small victory I have attained. Most recently, with the terrible economic down turn, she has once again come to my emotional rescue by pounding into my head the fact that we are a team and that I should not worry about a lack of work.

Over the last months she has actually talked me into accepting my situation.

All of this and look how beautiful she is! She takes such good care of herself and as she ages she becomes more and more attractive. I am truly fortunate to have found Kim Wilson. She turned my life around.

Every year, on the first of the year, I ask her if i can renew my contract or another year. Fortunately for me she said "yes" again today.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, KIM!

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