Excerpts From Dog/Cat Diaries

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Diary.


Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed

hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. ................For now.

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Palin: "Iraq War God's Will

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin told ministry students at her former church that the United States sent troops to fight in the Iraq war on a "task that is from God."

In an address last June, the Republican vice presidential candidate also urged ministry students to pray for a plan to build a $30 billion natural gas pipeline in the state, calling it "God's will."

Palin asked the students to pray for the troops in Iraq, and noted that her eldest son, Track, was expected to be deployed there.

"Our national leaders are sending them out on a task that is from God," she said. "That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that plan is God's plan."

A video of the speech was posted at the Wasilla Assembly of God's Web site before finding its way on to other sites on the Internet.

Palin told graduating students of the church's School of Ministry, "What I need to do is strike a deal with you guys." As they preached the love of Jesus throughout Alaska, she said, she'd work to implement God's will from the governor's office, including creating jobs by building a pipeline to bring North Slope natural gas to North American markets.

"God's will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built, so pray for that," she said.

"I can do my job there in developing our natural resources and doing things like getting the roads paved and making sure our troopers have their cop cars and their uniforms and their guns, and making sure our public schools are funded," she added. "But really all of that stuff doesn't do any good if the people of Alaska's heart isn't right with God."

Palin attended the evangelical church from the time she was a teenager until 2002, the church said in a statement posted on its Web site. She has continued to attend special conferences and meetings there. Religious conservatives have welcomed her selection as John McCain's running mate.

Rob Boston, a spokesman for Americans United for Separation of Church and State, lamented Palin's comments.

"I miss the days when pastors delivered sermons and politicians delivered political speeches," he said. "The United States is increasingly diverse religiously. The job of a president is to unify all those different people and bring them together around policy goals, not to act as a kind of national pastor and bring people to God."

The section of the church's Web site where videos of past sermons were posted was shut down Wednesday, and a message was posted saying that the site "was never intended to handle the traffic it has received in the last few days."

Palin's Speech To Nowhere

Palin's Speech to Nowhere
Thursday 04 September 2008
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by: Will Bunch, The Philadelphia Daily News


Sarah Palin's speech, though engaging, was "completely empty," according to Will Bunch. (Photo: Reuters)
Sarah Palin delivered a great speech tonight -- for her party, for John McCain, for herself, for what she set out to accomplish. This was America's first real glimpse at the Alaska governor, and what we saw was a boffo politician who speaks in a plaintive prairie voice that channels America's Heartland like a chilling breeze rippling a field of wheat, who knows how to tell a joke, how to bring down the house and bring a tear to a few eyes. She is proud of her family, as she should be, and there is much to admire in her own "personal journey of discovery" (don't we all have these, by the way?) including her efforts to raise her son Trig. It is indeed nice to think that there would be an advocate for such children inside the corridors of the White House, although I'd surely like to hear what -- if anything -- she's done for special needs kids as governor of Alaska.

But...it was a great speech -- written for someone else, a male in fact, days before the Palin selection was even a gleam in John McCain's eye, but a great speech nonetheless. The pundits are fawning over it as I write this -- Tom Brokaw said she could not have been "more winning and more engaging" -- and in a world that is dominated by horse race journalism I can understand why, because I agree that Palin's one-of-a-kind story has given her long shot running mate a decent chance now of pulling this one out at the finish line.

It's a good metaphor, a horse race, because in the end it finishes right near where it started -- just as it will be for America if John McCain and Sarah Palin are sworn in on Jan. 20, 2009. Yes, it was a great speech politically, and a great night for her family, but an empty speech for America -- and for America's families. It was defined by its lowest moment, Palin's shameless lie about "the Bridge to Nowhere."

This was a Speech to Nowhere.

It was a Speech to Nowhere when Palin said that "I told the Congress 'Thanks but no thanks' on that Bridge to Nowhere," because that was a lie, and the worst kind of lie in American politics, a blatant falsehood that showed utter contempt for the American people that Palin pledged to serve, assuming we are too stupid to look up or know that truth, that she pushed for those funds in Congress and while she got great political mileage out of announcing that she was killing the project, she still has not returned the funds to American people.
Wil Bunch (Philadelphia Daily News)

It was a Speech to Nowhere because Palin also boasted seconds before her lie of fighting against wasteful earmarks in Congress, even though she pushed for and accepted $27 million of such grants when she was mayor of Wasilla.

It was a Speech to Nowhere because Palin said that "we've got lots" of oil and gas this country, and while one supposes that all depends upon what you definition of the words "lots" is, the production of oil in the United States has been irrevocably on the decline since 1970, and with her words she showed this nation that she and John McCain will perpetrate the dangerous myths that began with Ronald Reagan at his acceptance speech in 1980, that sunny optimism is the solution to all our energy woes, and not a posture that put energy research on a war footing, or requires moral leadership on conservation, mass transit, or any other common sense answers whatsoever.

It was a Speech to Nowhere because Palin boasted that "I stood up to the special interests, and the lobbyists, and the Big Oil companies," and the audience cheered -- after eight brutal years of the same crowd's cheering two oilmen in the White House who fiddled while $4-a-gallon gas burned and while American men and women died in a needless war fought on top of an oilfield, and while lobbyist friends like Jack Abramoff and Ralph Reed got rich at the same time.

It was a Speech to Nowhere because Palin had the nerve to talk at length about John McCain's "torturous interrogations" in the very same speech when she all but condoned the continuation of similar, abhorrent practices that have been directed for eight years by our own U.S. leaders, when she stated that Democrats are "worried that someone won't read them [terrorism suspects] their rights."

It was a Speech to Nowhere because Palin belittled "community organizers" -- thousands of Americans who work long hours for little pay in some of the toughest neighborhoods, trying to assist the American Dream that even the poorest among us can pull themselves out of the muck with a helping hand. Palin and other GOP speakers have turned a noble job into a dirty word tonight -- shame on you! Listen to what CNN's Roland Martin said after Palin's speech was over.

My two parents are sitting home in Houston, Texas and they are both community organizers and the GOP and Sarah Palin might have well have said "being community organizers doesn't matter" to my parents face. I'm disgusted. Community organizers keep people in their homes, keep their lights on, keep food in the fridge.
It was a Speech to Nowhere because it made no mention of the men that Sarah Palin and John McCain are running to replace -- their names are Dick Cheney and George W. Bush, in case you've forgotten this week -- and no acknowledgment that as many 80 percent of Americans believe this country is on the wrong track, or that you can't solve a nation's problems when you deny they exist.

It was a Speech to Nowhere because...well, I urge everyone to read the text, without Palin's sharp delivery or her adoring fans in the crowd and in the press box, and tell me where there is any kind of policy at all -- except for the short boilerplate passage on energy -- or any mention of the issues that concern everyday Americans, including the No. 1 issue of the economy. Show me the part where this "grand slam" of speech touches on how citizens can afford health care or sending their kids to college.

But more than anything else, it was a Speech to Nowhere because for all the acclaim, the great bulk of it was devoted to one thing, and that is the one thing that millions of Americans are talking about in 2008 when we talk about "change" -- to the ugliest kind of "pit bull" politics, to use Palin's words, that tear down the other side with cheap ad hominem attacks, surrounded by a cloud of half-truths (uh, those "Greek columns"...did you actually even watch Obama's speech? Because there weren't any) and ridiculous innuendo about "parting the waters" which means nothing but fires up a big hockey rink full of Dittoheads. These kind of vicious attacks -- without having the grace to acknowledge that, despite some real differences on issues with Obama, that he has already accomplished something impressive that says something positive about America and the progress we've made -- were utterly lacking in class. And this is what Tom Brokaw considers "winning" -- have we really sunk that low as a nation?. The people of America want and deserve a real debate, now trash talk from the basketball point guard who was once called "Sarah Barracuda."

I hope America wakes up tomorrow and realizes that Sarah Palin's words were rousing -- and completely empty, that they offered no road map (let alone bridge) for America other than more of the bogus partisan name-calling that has gotten us into the mess that we're in now.

Actually, let me rephrase that.

I hope America wakes up tomorrow.

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Loving Words From a Dying Man

Three weeks and one hundred and four photos later, I finally got a really good shot of Hammy!

He has been in a photogenic mood because we have company! both Kristi and Joy (Kim's sister and mom) have been smitten by the two kittens -- I haven't gotten a definitive shot of Stella yet -- but when I do, it, too, will be published!

We found out yesterday, after giving them both a mouth-administered anitbiotic, that they are still suffering from an upper respiratory infection. so It was back to the vet to pick up two more bottles @ $21.00 a bottle.

They are more than worth it!

We are fast finding that both of these little critters are real lovers. Last night, Hammy spent half the night with Kim and me, upstairs on the fold out couch, and Stella cuddled with the gals on the bed downstairs.

Yesterday I raised the two flags that I fly every autumn at the office: the flag of Ireland and the Green Bay Packer flag.

After reading the news story of Jon Ryan's being cut as our punter (WHAT???) I thought it appropriate to fly the Packer flag upside down until the season proves me wrong -- that we are not a team in distress. I am liking Teddy Thompson less and less and the season hasn't even started yet!

I received this beautiful letter from my good friend Matt Capell and feel compelled to share it with you:

Gabriel Garcia Marquez, famous writer from Colombia (Love in the Time of Cholera, One Hundred Years of Solitude, etc.), and Nobel Peace Prize winner for literature, has retired from public life for reasons of health. He has a form of cancer that is terminal. He has sent a farewell letter to his friends. It is recommended reading because it is moving to see how one of the best and most brilliant of writers expresses himself with joy and sorrow. Even as I'm certain this would have sounded TWICE as good in Spanish, on this day of rest in celebration of labor, let us enjoy the English version...

He says:

If God, for a second, forgot what I have become and granted me a little bit more of life, I would use it to the best of my ability. I wouldn't, possibly, say everything that is in my mind, but I would be more thoughtful of all I say. I would give merit to things not for what they are worth, but for what they mean to express. I would sleep little, I would dream more, because I know that for every minute that we close our eyes, we waste 60 seconds of light. I would walk while others stop; I would awake while others sleep.

If God would give me a little bit more of life, I would dress in a simple manner, I would place myself in front of the sun, leaving not only my body, but my soul naked at its mercy.

To all men, I would say how mistaken they are when they think that they stop falling in love when they grow old, without knowing that they grow old when they stop falling in love. I would give wings to children, but I would leave it to them to learn how to fly by themselves.

To old people I would say that death doesn't arrive when they grow old, but with forgetfulness. I have learned so much with you all, I have learned that everybody wants to live on top of the mountain, without knowing that true happiness is obtained in the journey taken and the form used to reach the top of the hill.

I have learned that when a newborn baby holds, with its little hand, his father's finger, it has trapped him for the rest of his life . I have learned that a man has the right and obligation to look down at another man, only when that man needs help to get up from the ground.

Say always what you feel, not what you think. If I knew that today is the last time that that I am going to see you asleep, I would hug you with all my strength and I would pray to the Lord to let me be the guardian angel of your soul. If I knew that these are the last moments to see you, I would say 'I love you'. There is always tomorrow, and life gives us another opportunity to do things right, but in case I am wrong, and today is all that is left to me, I would love to tell you how much I love you and that I will never forget you.

Tomorrow is never guaranteed to anyone, young or old. Today could be the last time to see your loved ones, which is why you mustn't wait; do it today, in case tomorrow never arrives. I am sure you will be sorry you wasted the opportunity today to give a smile, a hug, a kiss, and that you were too busy to grant them their last wish.

Keep your loved ones near you; tell them in their ears and to their faces how much you need them and love them. Love them and treat them well; take your time to tell them 'I am sorry'; 'forgive me', 'please', 'thank you', and all those loving words you know.

Nobody will know you for your secret thought. Ask the Lord for wisdom and strength to express them. Show your friends and loved ones how important they are to you. Send this letter to those you love. If you don't do it today, tomorrow will be like yesterday, and if you never do it, it doesn't matter either, the moment to do it is now.

For you, with much love,
Your Friend,
Gabriel Garcia Marquez



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Just In from Suzi Kittson

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who
comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of
twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only
ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people,do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll
give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty
long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and
suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the
farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty
years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for
sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give
you twenty years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and
the ten
the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and
enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to
entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the
front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm
doing it as a public service .

AND A HEADLINE SENT TO ME FROM GARY SPAETH EXPRESSING DISMAY AT CHOICE OF WORDS:

McCain taps Palin for VP

Back In The Kitchen Again -- Feels Good!

In peparation for a two day visit from my mother-in-law, Joy, and my sister-in-law, Kristi, last night I became inspired enough to make up some of my lasagna.

I dug through the cupboards and finally located my chrome plated pasta machine. I then proceeded to make two small dough balls consisting of bread flour, salt, an egg, a tablespoon of water and a dash of good grade olive oil.

I generally follow the cookbook you see pictured ( "Mama D's Italian Cooking With a Pinch") -- a wonderful woman who ran Sammy D's Restaurant in Dinkeytown, near the U of Minnesota campus, Minneapolis.

I first discovered that restaurant while I was working various clubs nearby. I don't know whether it is till in existence. I will google it upon concluding this writing to see if it is.
Anyway -- I digress. I say I "generally" follow her recipes, but I make my own noodles from scratch as there is nothing more succulent and delicious than a home made, slow cooked noodle -- they literally melt in your mouth! what's more, baking the pan of lasagna ahead of time and then allowing it to sit, refrigerated overnight, gives all the ingredients a chance to meld and get to know one another intimately.

Mama D's meat/ricotta cheese mixture, which is layered, uncooked in the lasagna, is just the best -- redolent of garlic and a touch of oregano.

I also made a lemon bunt cake and bought a loaf of garlic studded artesan Italian bread to go with the lasagna and the tossed salad that will be served this evening.

MANGIARE! (WISH I KNEW THE CORRECT DECLARATORY!)

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Googled Sammy D's and found no listing but there are a number of Italian restaurants in the Minneapolis area under the D'Amico and sons umbrella and I would venture to guess that these are offspring of Mama and Sammy D.

Of course, this is just me guessing. I very well may have to do some culnary research next time I am in the Cities.

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Time to scrub out the office bathtub (which hasn't been used since the end of school) and get my bubble bath/soak in before our company arrives.

Packer football is less than a week away!

GO PACK, GO!

In Search of the Fallopian Tube

This morning as I was making my way over to Festival Foods on the service road that runs past Menard's, I came upon my first sighting of three "city limits deer", one still in fawn's dappled coat. They were looking very confused as to what their next move should be as most of their options would lead to disaster.

Having my Samsung digital camera with me, I took a couple of photos of them while I was at the stop sign and tried to print one at the beginning of this blog, but without a camera that can really "zoom" in on a subject, neither of the photos was usable as you would have a hell of a time finding them in the photo -- worse than a "Where's Waldo" !

As I made my left turn to go under the overpass, the deer wheeled and started up the hill towards the three lane traffic of Highway 53 North. I wonder where they are now and if they are still alive.

Brother Bob and wife Dorothy were in for a late morning brunch of just out of the oven popovers, fresh fruit salad, caramel/chocolate specialty coffee and a choice of orange or tomato juice. I ate too much.

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My brother Bob and I, both having been teachers for years, got into telling "war" stories after brunch and I remembered -- out of the clear blue -- the story of the day I could no longer deal with a troublesome student that was in my over-the lunch- hour split section.

At lunch I sat with some of my male cohorts and got them to agree to help me keep the kid on the move for the final 20 minutes of the hour. by passing him on from one to another in a "snipe hunt" -- only this was not a snipe hunt -- I told the kid to go down to the art room and ask Mr. Owens for my fallopian tube -- venturing to guess that this kid would not know what a fallopian tube was.

Mr. Owens sent him on to the history teacher -- the history teacher sent him on to yet another teacher and the last teacher on the list was Marge Quaid, who taught 9th grade english in the room right next to mine. (She would not be let in on the ruse!)

So I straight-facedly sent the trouble maker out of my room, telling him to be back with my fallopian tube before the end of the hour or it would result in detention.

It got to be about nine minutes before the bell when I assigned my class to work a page of exercises in grammar. I posted myself near the small window in my door and waited for the messenger to arrive at Ms Quaid's door.

The situation got even better when I heard Marge announce to her class that she had a five minute film strip she wanted them to watch before the end of the hour.

Off went the lights in her room, and she took a seat in the very last of the row near the door. Perfect!

Three minutes went by before my unsuspecting patsy came waltzing past my door and entered the darkened room next door.

I slipped outside my own room and peered in her window to watch what happened next:

He went over to where Mrs Quaid was sitting, leaned over close to her ear and I could see him whispering something to her.

Her response was to sit bolt upright with stiffened shoulders. She then said something to him and pointed to the door. I moved to the front of my room.

The snipe-hunter re-entered my room, shrugged his shoulders and sat down in his chair. The bell rang. I dismissed the class.
My hunter came up to me from the back of the room and said:

"Gee, Mr. Heagle -- I really tried to find it for you, but nobody had it. Mrs. Quaid wouldn't even give me an excuse, She just told me to go to my room! anyway, Mr. Heagle -- what's a phillipian tube?"

It was all I could do to keep a straight face.

"Well, Bob, a Phillipian tube is a tube made out of a special glass that's only manufactured in the Philippines -- you'd best get going or you'll be late for your next class."

He left, Seconds later, Marge Quaid stuck her head in my door.:

"Heagle! You are crazy! What are you up to????"

My explanation left her laughing to tears.

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I would like to state categorically that I left teaching of my own volition. I was not fired. I could have been had this gotten out, I suppose.

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