A Pilgrimage To Sacred Ground

Before the lovely Ms Kim and I left Titletown last Friday morning, we had to pay homage at the Holy Land of Lambeau Field. We did something that I ordinarily rebel against, organized tours, and joined a small group of fellow pilgrims for a comprehensive look at the edifice.

The whole concept is stunningly executed and Wisconsin folk should be rightfully proud of this sacred place. At one point we got a chance to visit the executive box suites, getting a look at the lifestyle of the rich and famous, then were led out to the general seating to observe the new turf which is almost completely installed.

It is a combination of real grass and synthetic fibers that are set about quarter inch shorter than the real grass so that mowers can be used.

Green Bay is the fourth NFL franchise to install this new type of turf so this fall and winter there should be no more mud slides between the hash marks and with a brand new underground heating system it is no longer going to be the "frozen tundra" but something tells me the expression will live on.

I have to admit that my pulse quickened as we gazed down on the playing surface. I am taking my pal Jay Moore to Mecca on November 18 for the Packer/Panther game as he is a big Carolina fan and has never been to Lambeau.

Every man, woman, and child in America should experience Lambeau at least once in their life time.

I have a feeling that this may be Brett's final season so I would really like to take Kim over for a game as well.

Oshkosh EAA Eagle Hangar

I had to get next to this C-47 for a photo at the EAA Museum in Oshkosh on my three day jaunt to that side of the state as I am a rabid World War Two aircraft buff.

Just recently I was given the entire set of DVD's on Band of Brothers which featured this aircraft in the D Day invasion, dropping sticks of the Screaming Eagles of the 101st Airborne behind the German lines on the French coast.

In fact, collector that I am, I am dying to order and add to my collection of 1/48 scale metal diecast aircraft an exact duplicate of this "gooney bird".

Kim and I enjoyed our afternoon visit. We took the tractor-pulled tram out to the C-47's location. They were taking visitors up in old bi-wing open cockpit planes and I seriously considered going up until I found out they wanted $70 for a five minute fly around.

I did meet a really interesting gentleman there who flew helicoptors in Nam early in the war but had to quit when he developed inner ear problems and couldn't keep his balance. That certainly would cause helicoptor pilots some consternation!

I could have hung around the Eagle Hangar all afternoon as they have a British Spitfire, an AT6-Texan trainer, a B-25 twin engine bomber, a British Mosquito bomber, an early P-51 Mustang, a P-38 twin boom fighter similar to the one my uncle Raymond lost his life in, and many more.

I was somewhat diappointed as "Aluminum Overcast", their fully restored B-17G was out on tour.


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Legalize Freedom

Most Americans think slips of the tongue should be fineable.

That opinion, according to a Harris Poll, was paid for by Morality in Media, which backs tougher indecency regulations. The poll claims more than half of Americans (52%) say the FCC should be able to fine broadcasters for airing a four-letter word.

The above tidbit is from the radio trades. What I want to know is whatever happened to "the land of the free"?

Look. I don't like "shock jocks" (Howard Stern, et al) any more than the idiots of Morality in Media, but last time I checked my radio has a thingie on it called a tuning knob and if you find a radio announcer offensive, TURN THE DAMN KNOB! Nobody is tying you to a chair and forcing your ear down to the radio's speaker.

I don't like someone from a government agency DICTATING what I can listen to or not listen to because I am from an America that has something called freedom of speech.

It has always been both puzzling and amusing to me. In my lengthy 30 year career as an entertainer around my home area I am considered a "dirty comic" but then I drive down to The Tulsa Comedy Company in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and the management wants me back because I "work so clean".

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At one point I am hired to work a banquet in Wisconsin Rapids. It is a gathering of ferriers. I had to look that one up in the dictionary. They are hoof trimmers. I think to myself that they will dig my material as I am country born.

I do my show, get paid, and return home.

Two days later I find a letter in my office mailbox. What's really kind of spooky is that when I take it in my hand I get really strong negative vibes from it without even opening it. I think I even mumbled to myself: "Oh, this is not good."

I wish I had kept the letter but in essence it said:

Dear Mr. Heagle:

You have the honor of being the first comedian I have ever seen. (that slayed me right off the bat!) I found your jokes about the farm to be amusing but overall I was very digusted with what you presented.

I am writing to tell you that last night God spoke to me and told me to write to you and tell you that you are doing the devil's work and are going to hell, along with all the other idolaters and whore mongers.

He also told me to tell you that if you will allow me, I can help save your soul. Please write to my at my return address. In the meantime, I will pray for you.

So I wrote back:

Dear Mr. Christian Hoof Trimmer:

I received your letter and this is quite a coincidence! Last night God spoke to me as well and he told me to ask you why you stayed for the entire performance. He also told me to tell you that you are going to hell for staying and listening to the whore monger.

What's even more amazing is that last night Lucifer appeared to me in a dream to tell me that, yes, indeed I am going to hell, and yes, indeed, you will be joining me.

But here is the good news. The devil told me that your eternal damnation will consist of being my netherworld comic sidekick. We will be doing shows together in hell! Hell, you can do the punchlines and I'll do the set up.
Even more special is the fact that on breaks, you will be trimming the devil's hooves!

Oddly enough, that was the end of our correspondence.

Road Trip Taxes the Aging, But --

Thursday's gig was in Green Bay. The contract read: "St. Norbert's College". Really glad I got an early start!


I fought my way through typical summer in Wisconsin city street detours and found St. Norbert's after asking natives directions twice. No, I am not an overly testosterone driven male who is too macho to stop and ask where the hell I am.

I pull into the first parking lot I can find off Reid Street and I am facing the science building. I am smart enough to know that I will have to locate the student center to find out where FIEL (Fellowship for the Improvement of Educational Leadership) is meeting, and I am lame enough to know that I am not going to go searching the campus without assistance so I go into the science building and announce that I have no idea where I am or where I am to go and a very nice lady takes me out the far doors and points out the building with the flags and tells me basically that "you can't get there from here" as the campus also is torn up with detours everywhere.

So the lovely Ms Kim and I get back in the overladen Scion and I go back down Reid and where the sign says "Do Not Enter", I enter and after breaking the law for only about 75 yards I am in front of the center.

I scope the location out and find that we will need to unload the speakers, power amp, stands, and the big box of electrical cable, carry it down a flight of outdoor stairs to the front doors, then put all that gear on an elevator, take it down one floor, unload it, put it on a very large dumb waiter type elevator, then move it into the ampitheatre.

Fortunately the lovely Ms Kim is much more aggressive than I. She finds the service telephone and requisitions a large cart from the kitchens, we load everything on the cart, ROLL it into the building and on to the elevator, roll it off that elevator and onto the dumb waiter, ease the dumb waiter down to just outside the ampitheatre door, and set up the P.A.

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Not having done a show in a long time, after I shower and dress, I actually scribble an outline of material I want to use, remind myself to slow down during delivery and ENJOY!

I also decide to start the show by taking some pictures of my intended audience. As you can see, they were ready to laugh and have some fun, which made it much easier for me and I settled into my show almost immediately

Although I was glad that I had made some notes I actually departed several times, and most everything worked. I did try one new one liner but I blew it and it died.

I met several of the members and of course have forgotten names but I do remember Connie from Waunakee who was largely responsible for my getting the gig. She was very gracious and I don't think she knows how much she helped take the edge off my anxiety.

I also met another Larry -- from near Grand Rapids, Michigan. A very tall (who isn't next to me) man and very pleasant. He has a son at Duke University.

I also met another very tall man whose name totally escapes me tonight, but he was wearing this great T-shirt about dogma and after the show he related his nightmare dealings with (I believe it was) United Airlines. He is a Californian, my age, and very amiable.

He even agreed to make up another "dogma" T-shirt for me, so I am looking forward to that!

After I finished a superintendent from Brooklyn, New York, came down, shook my hand, and said: "Thank you for offending everyone."

Well, I try not to leave anyone out!

A note to my manager: PLEASE BE VERY SPECFIC ABOUT THE FOUR W'S AND THE H! (That's what, when, where, how) St Norbert's College?? WHERE????

P.S.

I love you Liz!

Nice T-Shirt

Friday 13 July 2007 -- from the news --

The U.S. House Judiciary Committee threatened former White House Counsel Harriet Miers with criminal contempt charges if she continues to defy its subpoena to testify about the firing of eight U.S. attorneys.

Committee Chairman John Conyers of Michigan gave Miers until 5 p.m. Washington time on July 17 to say whether she will comply. Miers failed to appear yesterday to answer questions under oath before the panel's commercial-law subcommittee, which then voted 7-5 along party lines that her refusal to testify had no valid legal basis.

The contempt threat against Miers further escalates Congress's legal confrontation with President George W. Bush over his refusal to let aides testify under oath about private White House discussions. Congressional investigators are trying to determine whether federal prosecutors were replaced to spur investigations of Democrats or quash probes of Republicans.

"We must insist on compliance with the subpoena," Conyers said in a two-page letter to George T. Manning, an Atlanta lawyer representing Miers. Her refusal "could subject her to contempt proceedings."

Refusing to testify or produce documents to Congress can lead to prosecution for a misdemeanor punishable by up to a year in jail and a fine of as much as $1,000.

The Judiciary Committee and the full House of Representatives would have to vote to refer the case to the U.S. attorney in Washington, a Bush appointee, for prosecution.


Okay, what do you want to bet that Miers refuses to testify, is prosecuted for a misdemeanor, is sentenced to a thousand dollar fine and one year in jail, and then George does his thing and commutes her fine and sentence.

Meanwhile congress has diddled away a lot of time chasing small fish.

Maybe this is the way it has to be done.

Let's hope that there is still some justice and goodness left in this country of ours that eventually we impeach the big three: George, Dick, and Attorney General Gonzolez who has made a complete mockery of justice.

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Saturday, July 14

Back from the road. I wore my new T-shirt to see what reaction it would get down town Milwaukee on the way to brunch. I received two audible "nice t shirt"s, and a lot of stares.

Our waitress also remarked on how much she liked the shirt. I said I might start selling them from my web site and she said she would buy one.

The lovely Ms Kim says I am a cynic, but I say that waitress was already working on her tip.

The Tower of Babble

Shortly after Kim and I bought the house at 4896 Hobbs, I begged and pleaded with Kim to let me put up a satellite dish so that we could get more than local channels.

After reaching agreement, I called Roger Wood of Woods Electronics and he came out with his equipment and after taking several "site-readings", informed me that I couldn't put up a dish as I had no clear shot at the horizon to the south and west that I would need to recieve signal.

He suggested that we drop a couple of the huge pines that were blocking the horizon, but Kim would have none of that. No cutting down trees for the sake of watching television!

Undaunted, I drove over to the farmstead which was at that time in the hands of my brother Bob and purchased the old wind mill that stood near the barn, not being used. I then hired a crane (yes I am a TV-aholic) and the crane came out to the farm, I unbolted the wind mill from its moorings, and the crane operator lifted and then lay the structure down on the ground horizontally for me to dismantle.

Then started the tedious job of unbolting each section of the wind mill. I will always remember my dad, with his good old negative attitude toward anything I did mechanically, standing watching me, and then saying: "You'll get it apart, but you'll never get it back together again."

Gee, thanks, dad, for your faith in me.

Just a little pissed, I immediatley went in to Menomonie and bought myself a big magic marker and began fastidiously marking each piece of each section of angle iron as I removed it.

It took me about four trips with that old '49 Ford panel truck I used to have, laden with the four sections of wind mill angle iron, to get the entire thing over to the house. Following my own magic marker instructions, I readily re-assembled the windmill in the horizontal position, but towards the top sections, I began to experience trouble getting the angle irons to line up.

You had better believe I didn't let my dad know this however. Instead, I called my good friend and mechanical genius, Gary Spaeth, explained the situation, and he told me on the phone that he knew what the problem was. When he arrived, he had brought along a tool kit with a number of wrenches and he explained that we needed to go back and loosen up the bolts on the lower sections and make the whole thing "sloppy".

Gary is very funny. at the time, he was into saying: "that's not the cowboy way. We gotta do it the cowboy way." (Too much Riders In The Sky) Sure enough, once we got it good and sloppy, the top sections popped together easy as pie.

Then, after digging four holes at the proper distance, and burying the base angle irons in cement at the proper angle, it was
time to call the crane guy again.

I remember that both my mom and dad came over for the raising of the structure, and while mom and I got involved hands-on guiding the structure into place and getting the first bolts in, my dad sat off at a great distance, and just watched.

Then came the hairy part: Lifting the dish up and getting it to set on the center pole. I climbed the 40 feet up to the small platform; up came the dish. I guided it over the pole, but it wouldn't drop. the crane operator yelled up to me that he was going to jiggle it a bit. He did and the dish went careening off into the trees beyond and came right back at me, whirling in circles!

I managed to make myself just small enough on that platform that I didn't get hit in the head. The crane operator jumped out of his crane and suggested we put a line on the dish and that I put on a safety belt. Not a bad idea.

We finally got it in place and the wonderful world of satellite TV was mine! I had a sign made for the thing that said "Tower of Babble".

I wanted to have it say: "My erection", but Kim didn't think that was a very good idea.

Living In The Country -- Almost

Kim and I love living where we do, out here behind the Wisconsin State Patrol Building, set back in some virgin pine and lots of oak on the banks of Otter Creek.

In the summer, just driving down this long wooded driveway, you can feel the temperatures drop a good ten degrees from what it is in the city.

Almost every time we drive down the driveway, one of us will quote my dad, who upon being driven down the driveway his first time said: "You'd better not come home drunk on this driveway!"

This is true. There is very little margin for error.

Since we have moved here, Kim has begun to play "Monopoly". In addition to our original acre and a half, we have purchased the adjoining properties to both our left and right, establishing neighbor buffers on either side.

The property on the left contains the little bungalow that I have made into my "office". It is a place that is in constant need of being picked up and cleaned. I am a sloppy guy. It is good that we have this place where I can keep all my "important" junk.

The property to our right had a small deteriorating house on it when we bought it. Mrs. Brown sold it to us because the county was going to condemn it if she didn't re-wire it and put a new roof on it. So when we (we meaning Kim) bought it, we immediately called the Town of Washington and offered it up as a chance for the volunteer fire personnel to practice their fire fighting techniques.

I think they got about 8 practice burns out of it. They kept a hose on it all the while it was burning, dousing it between practices. If they had just let it burn, I think the entire neighborhood would have gone up in flames. It was a tinder box! I have never seen anything burn that fast and ferociously.

Now the property that abutts the interstate highway is up for sale, divided into four or five lots. So far nobody has bought a lot. I am thinking that the stipulation included by the seller that he be the one who constructs the house on said property is not a strong selling point.

We are happy that there is a patch of woods adjacent to our house that blocks any view of what will eventually be built over there.

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Dear Reader: I am going to be on the road Thursday through Sunday as I am going to be entertaining teachers in Green Bay on Thursday evening. (Do you think they will be able to identify?)

Then Kim and I are going to have a liesurely Friday in Green Bay, touring the Packer Hall of Fame, drivng down to Oshkosh to visit the Air Museum, then on to Milwaukee to visit a friend and have dinner at Mader's Friday night.

We may also take in a Brewer game on Saturday before returning home. At any rate, there will be no blogs on those days. Meet me here next week! I'm certain to have stories!


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