HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN:

HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN - city of big bottoms and small minds.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

WALKER CERTAINLY NOT A RUNNER - HE'S EVEN TOO CROOKED TO WALK STRAIGHT

A couple of weeks ago as I was making my way to my automobile outside a grocery, an elderly man accosted me, pointed to my Recall Walker bumper sticker and said, quite unpleasantly: “One Walker is worth a hell of a lot more than fourteen runners!”

Taken aback, I just said “okay” and went on my way.

But as a comic, I am supposed to be adroit at the dazzling “come back”. Turns out, there are a number of reasons why I should have agreed with Mr. Unpleasant’s theory:

I have to agree with you there, sir. The governor is certainly not a runner.

Cutting eduation funding. He never ran on that during his campaign. Making it more difficult for the elderly and poor to vote .. he never ran on that. Voiding contracts with public employees .. he never ran on that. Cutting wages on those workers .. he never ran on that. Raising taxes on public employees .. he never ran on that. Pushing through late-night, closed-door legislation .. he never ran on that. Hiding non-fiscal poiicy changes in a fiscal legisltive proposal .. he never ran on that. Claiming budget relief needed after his $140M crony tax breaks took us from a $3M balance at swear-in time to a $137M deficit .. he never ran on that. Gerrymandering voting districts to give his party advantage .. he never ran on that. Reducing health care for the disadvantaged .. he never ran on that. Taking credit, as though it was his initiative, for federally mandated programs .. he never ran on that. Refusing to negotiate on his take-it-or-leave-it policies .. he never ran on that. Avoiding calls from the fourteen senators while readily accepting a call from a supposed Koch .. he never ran on that. Filling in wetlands to cave to his real estate backers .. he never ran on that. . Expanding mining in our pristine northern forests .. he never ran on that ...

No, sir, he certainly wasn’t a runner!

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In an all out attempt to keep the one credit card that I am still using paid up each month, this past month I began taking stock here at my office of various collections I have procured over the years. When a man is about to turn 71 years of age, he realizes that he is in the "autumn" of his life- if not the dead of winter - and there is another benefit to selling my vast collection of NFL football helmets: After I'm gone, Kim won't have to wade through all the stuff i have accumulated.

It had been a while since I used eBay and I found out a couple of things. eBay's selling fees have skyrocketed and the cost of shipping has also taken to the moon!

Nonetheless, it was with a great deal of pleasure earlier this week,that I wrote a check to VISA that got me back to even!

Sometimes I wonder if the Mayans are right and the world will end on December 21, 2012. If I could only be certain, I would max my card out!

Here's another active daydream that I have: I go to the doctor and he announces that I have six weeks to live. I immediately go to Scheels and purchase a high powered rifle and apply vigilante justice to those who are truly in need of it.

I often wonder what society would be like if a law were passed that gave everyone permission to kill one person without being punished.

After an initial spurt of mass murder, the USA would become a much nicer place in which to live because nobody would want to piss off anyone who hadn't used their free pass.

These are the things I think about because I have way too much time on my hands and far too little work.

I have been attempting to address that ongoing situation quite actively the past week. I have decided that I need a day job - something that a man of my age with a bad right leg could still manage and I decided that being a DRIVER would be just about perfect.

So I went around to all the local auto dealerships and filled out applications to be the driver of the "courtesy" van - I come equipped with a portable GPS, which would be most helpful.

I have also done some applications for driving the elderly to appointments and making certain they get home again. But it seems there are other seniors who beat me to the punch as I continue to fill out applications and get "No, we don't need you now" for an answer.

So far, the only glimmer of hope is with Markquart Toyota where they have assured me that I will be getting some occasional work as a shuttle driver to Milwaukee to drive a new Toyota back to Eau Claire.

Still I maintain a positive attitude!

As the old joke goes: My friend said: "Cheer up. things could be worse." So I cheered up, and sure enough, things got worse.

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