This is an excerpt from the current book of memoirs, yet to be completed. Although the following event did not occur on April Fool's Day, it certainly fits the criteria.
It was a long time ago while I was still traveling great distances to do shows. This time
around, I had gotten a call to perform comedy at a convention being held at the
Arrowwood Resort and Conference Center, just outside Alexandria, Minnesota.
I got an unusually early start that morning and while driving, I noticed that my van was
due for a 5,000-mile oil change. Since I reached Alexandria with plenty of time to
spare, and found a Pennzoil Ten Minute Oil Change business right on the edge
of town, I took advantage of my early arrival, pulled in, and checked in at the desk.
I did notice that they were extremely busy, but as I said, I had hours to spare, so I
wasn't too worried. After registering my vehicle, I joined several other customers in the
waiting lounge, grabbed a magazine, and asked the woman sitting near an empty chair
if she would mind if I sat near her. With her permission, I took the seat and began
absent mindedly flipping through People Magazine.
After a bit, I introduced myself to the woman. She, in turn, introduced herself to me and
I struck up a conversation with her. I really do enjoy engaging people, even strangers,
in this kind of situation, as it passes time in a way much better than reading People
Magazine ever could. Besides, I thought she might be able to give me some insights
into the city of Alexandria that I could incorporate into my performance. When I asked
her about Alexandria, she told me that she didn't know much about the town as of yet,
as she and her daughter had just recently moved from Blue Earth, Minnesota.
This opened up a whole vista of questions I could ask: How old is your daughter? (20)
What is your daughter's name? (Jane) What made you decide to move to Alexandria
(job as a registered nurse) Were you able to find housing? (a "fixer upper”)
She asked where I was from and what I do for a living and I told her I am from Eau
Claire, Wisconsin, and that I am an ex-middle school teacher that quit teaching. I told
her that I am a comedian/guitar player. Why was I in Alexandria? I told her that I am to
the after-dinner entertainment at the Arrowwood Resort and Conference Center.
She lit up at the words Arrowwood Resort and Conference Center. She exclaimed that
her daughter works there summers as a waitress for convention banquets, and that as
a divorced, single parent she is very proud of her daughter's initiative not only in
seeking summer employment but in the skills she’s learning at the technical college.
I then asked her to give me a physical description of Jane, in case I have a chance to
meet her and tell her that I have met her mom. Barbara then really opened up to me,
told me all kinds of great details . . . how talented her daughter is in interior design and
implementing it . . . that she had just finished tiling the entire bathroom and it looked
like a professional had done the work . . . that she was schooling at the nearby
technical school, pursuing interior design . . . that she missed Blue Earth and her boy
friend, Jim.
She would have told me more but her number was called and she left to get her car. As
soon as she left, I took out the little notepad that I always carried with me in case of
comedic inspiration, and hurriedly scribbled all the facts I could remember so that if I
did get a chance to meet Jane, I would be able to speak intelligently about her mother
and she would not think I was just some weirdo vagabond trying to hit on her.
I arrived at the Arrowwood, a large and impressive place with a central conference
center, surrounded by a golf course and spacious vacation townhomes. When I work
a conference, before I even take the guitar out of the van, I first scope out exactly
where it is that I will be setting up my sound system, where the nearest entrance to the
banquet room is, and who I need to contact and let know my purpose for being there.
This I accomplished, the last step being to enter the actual dining area to see if there
is a stage or some sort of set up.
When I walked in, there were two uniformed young women, busily putting down the
place settings of plates and silver. Jane's mother had given me a very accurate
description of her daughter. I recognized her immediately. It wasn't until that moment
that I suddenly came up with a plan to have a little fun with her. I approached them
and watched as they worked for a moment, my gaze transfixed on Jane. She became
aware of my seemingly rude staring and looked up from her work. ”Hi, Jane", I said,
and then turned to leave. "Wait a minute!" she cried out, "how do you know my
name?” "It's right there on your plastic name tag", I said, knowing full well she had no
name tag. She actually looked down at her uniform. "I'm not wearing a name tag," she
said, alarmed. "Okay, you caught me," I said. "I know your name is Jane because I am
psychic. In fact, You are giving off a very strong aura and there is much I can tell you
about yourself.” "Like what?" she asked. "Well, for starters, you haven't been living in
Alexandria very long. You moved here from . . . from . . . Blue Earth, Minnesota,
because . . . “ , I paused, winced, rubbed my temples. "because . . . your mother
received a better job offer.” Now, Jane’s eyes grew wider. ”How could you know
that?”, she exclaimed loudly. "Did I not just tell you that I am psychic? "I don't
believe you,”Jane replied, “You are just making lucky guesses. What’s my mother’s name?”
Again, I paused as if waiting for inspiration. "Is your mother's name . . . I am seeing a “B"
. . . Ba- Ba- Barbara? .”Her jaw dropped. Recovering, she asked: “What does she do for a living?”
"She is a nurse . . . no, not just a nurse . . . a Registered Nurse.”
”And she is very proud of you because of your talent and gumption." I paused again.
“ You are taking a two-year course in Interior design. Another pause; “ You just
finished tiling the bathroom floor at your house.” . . . I closed my eyes . . . I can see it.
You did a very professional installation."
Now I had her hooked.
"What else can you tell me?” "You will be going back to technical school this Fall to
finish your two-year degree in interior design."She looked at her fellow worker.
"Can you believe this?" she asked. Her partner was frozen in place, silverware in hand.
I turned as if to leave, then turned back and said: "You are really missing Jim, aren't you?"
I started walking away and from behind me I heard the other waitress: "Hey! Don't
leave! Do me!”
"I'm sorry. My brain is really tired. My head hurts. Maybe some other time.”
I sure would have liked to have been a fly on the ceiling when she got home and told
her mother about the psychic she met at work.
