FAVRE IS A REAL STUD!

After watching Brett Favre demolish my team last monday on Monday Night Football, I drove back home (I can't get ESPN on my C Band) marveling at his abilities. Now granted, his offensive line gave him incredible protection - Hell, he could have made himself a sandwich, consumed it, and had a cigarette and he still would have had time to find his receivers down field, but how can anybody really dislike his greatness?

I think the network should have had a "picture in picture" shot of Ted Thompson for the entire game. I am not overly fond of the guy.

And granted, Favre's waffling, waffling, and waffling some more in the off season got really old for Green Bay fans. But the guy really loves the game and nobody plays it with more young-at-heart enthusiasm. So with the Vikings at 5-0, I am predicting that Brett will get his third chance at the Lombardi trophy this year. All he has to do is stay healthy and hope that AP stays healthy also.

If the Vikings lose games it will be the ones that the old man has to play in sub-freezing temperatures. His 40 year old body just can't handle the cold the way it used to.

How ironic would it be if this former Packer QB becomes the man to finally take the Queens to the Super Bowl and they actually WIN???

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The swine flu is back in the news again. TV news is busy trying to scare the Bejesus out of all of us. So as a public service, I am listing the correct steps in washing hands to prevent illness:

1. Wet hands with very warm (not hot enough to burn) water.
2. Apply soap.
3. Wash front and back of hands, thumbs, between fingers, both wrists and forearms and under all finger nails.
4 Rub lathered hands together for at least 20 seconds. (long enough to sing ABC's)
5. Rinse hands off
6. Dry hands with a disposable paper towel.
7. Turn off faucet with paper towel.

- if using public rest room -

use paper towel to pull open exit door

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Work as a performer has completely disappeared. The subject of "gigs" is the elephant in the room at our house. Good thing we don't have debtor's prison in this country. And thank God for Social Security checks even though they don't cover my bills entirely.

And somehow it seems unfair that the self-employed cannot draw unemployment.

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THIS JUST IN! (I've always wanted to say that!)

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about 20two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

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NOTE: To my pal MPLSPCKR: Scott Norwood is the correct answer! You are Good!

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