ARLO'S THANKSGIVING LETTER

Occupy Thanksgiving - Merry Everything!
It's early morning, 2011 Nov 23rd. I'm at my desk as usual drinking some decent coffee while the rest of this part of the world begins to wake up. This is my favorite time of day, before it actually starts. My family is flocking to the area - My brother is here. I haven't had him stay with us in a while. My kids are all around as well as my niece and her two kids. Yes, it's that time of year again and I'm loving it. I'm thinking about all the young people I've seen over the past month or so out in the streets around this country occupying their cities and towns - trying to change the world. I'll be joining them again where and when I can. And I'm hoping that they find food and shelter from those who can provide it. For my part there will be a Thanksgiving Dinner at the Guthrie Center (The old Trinity Church where I wrote and later filmed Alice's Restaurant). It'll be packed this year. I will spend my Thanksgiving with friends and neighbors unable to do so on their own.
I am not at all discouraged or angry with the politicians and authorities who have shown contempt and disrespect for our young people out there. I feel sorry for them. They are self-made slaves to the great whore of our times - the idea that government is best when it serves those with the most. It should come as no surprise that those bowing and groveling at the feet of privatization - social security, medicare, roads, schools and everything else, should desire that government be privatized. The idea that congressmen and women, judges and elected officials on federal, state and local levels work best when bought and paid for by those who can afford to do so is at the heart of the matter. All the other issues before us, as a nation and a world, arise from this disgusting and anti-American core value.
I urge everyone, here and abroad to show respect and gratitude to these nameless young people. Talk about them in the coffee shops and luncheonettes with friends and neighbors. They are the heroes of a new generation. They will be vilified and slandered by those who have the most to lose. But, their courage and conviction is exactly right and appropriate. They need all the support they can get as they push us forward as a civilization toward a more perfect union. And they will succeed. Slowly and inevitably they will push us into the light of a better world. The signs are all around us. There is a great hope and a wonderful dream shared by countless generations of good people inching forward through history. It will burst like a dam upon those who try to hold it back. Resistance is indeed, futile.
The coffee is cold, the frozen rain keeps falling. But, inside there is a flame which seems to get brighter. It flickers at the edge of my thoughts though I sit alone. And I send my prayers and salutations to others around the world on this day… The day before we here in the USA celebrate the things for which we are most thankful. This year, I am not only thankful but hopeful and excited. Happy Thanksgiving - Merry Everything! adg

THE TRUTH ABOUT TARGET AND OTHER UNSAVORY FACTS

This morning I came across this from blogger BlondmamaFollow:


Before 2010 I was a frequent Target shopper. I was proud that my city, Minneapolis MN, had a World wide corporation that had it's home in Minneapolis on the Nicollet Mall! I was also glad that it was owned by The Dayton Family, one of the most iconic families in Minneapolis. I used to brag it up on Camfrog, a video chatline I often visited. But this all unraveled in January 2010 when The Supreme Court decided corporations would be treated like people and allowed to help finance political campaigns with unlimited funding. So the sky was the limit and there would be no watch dog to monitor how much was given to whom! The only two Journalists who talked about it and how it could be a problem for political equity were Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow both of MSNBC at the time. I was concerned at the time but unknowingly kept shopping at Target.

Then a report came out that a new political organization was being formed in Minnesota called, MN Forward. It's press release stated that it was formed to promote Private Sector Job Growth and facilitate economic opportunity in Minnesota. It sounded great like most organizations that help the unemployed get jobs but it was a facade to fool the general population and the media! The local media dug deep to get to the truth and found out that it was secretly procuring funds from corporations for The Republican Party to help fund it's political campaigns. The largest recipient of funding from MN Forward was the Republican Gubernatorial Candidate, Tom Emmer! But the biggest shocker was that the largest financial contributors to MN Forward were The Target Corp. and Best Buy!

I thought this is nuts! The Democratic Gubernatorial candidate was Mark Dayton! Why would his family turn against him? I found out that Target had been sold by the Dayton family to another retail corp. But that still didn't make any sense because most of Target's customers are low income people. There are some that are middle class too but their primary customers are the poor ! This was like a double whammy! They are helping the political party that has always shafted the poor! This is very hypocritical of Target! All the glitzy ads saying they donate to the community is a big BS!

I made a pledge then to NEVER SHOP AT TARGET AGAIN! The only way I would is if they were apologetic and said they were sorry for their major faux pax and promised they would stay out of politics! I haven't heard that yet so I have switched to Walmart! I was sad to see the First Lady, Michelle Obama< shopping at Target! Bad move Michelle! The newly remodeled Walmart Supercenters are just as attractive as Target!

There are many alternatives to Target for you to shop. I have already mentioned Walmart,you could also join their other store, Sam's Club. Both of my twin daughters belong to Sam Club. They sell lower cost electronics, clothing, and some furniture! You have to buy in bulk food and cleaning products but if you have a big family it saves you money. If you want to save money on food shop at Aldi's! It's their brand but it's comparable to the brand name products, in fact their canned chili is much better then Hormel Chili! There are other stores too where to shop, the venerable Kmart, Big Lots, and Family Dollar, They all sell groceries too! The best dollar store is Dollar Tree because it is a genuine dollar store and they have good merchandise!

So, who needs Target? Not us LOYAL DEMOCRATS! We are not stupid enough to finance the Republican candidates indirectly! THAT'S WHAT YOU DO IF YOU SHOP AT TARGET!!!

Then I found the following in an e mail from Robert Kraig, executive director of Citizen Action of Wisconsin:

As we celebrate Thanksgiving with our friends and families, it is worth reflecting that by next Thanksgiving 65,000 Wisconsinites, including 29,000 children could be forced off BadgerCare, and tens of thousands more could be forced to pay up to 10 times more for coverage.

If Scott Walker is still Governor a year from now tens of thousands of Wisconsin families, struggling to work their way into the middle class, may have to choose between health care coverage and basic necessities.

Together we have the power to prevent this heart breaking scenario. BadgerCare could be Scott Walker’s undoing! BadgerCare is so immensely popular among all types of voters that it could be an even bigger issue in the recall elections than the attack on workers rights.

That is why I am asking you to make a special Thanksgiving gift to Citizen Action of Wisconsin to make cuts to BadgerCare a winning issue in the recall election of Scott Walker. Can you please give $65 or $29. That’s $1 for every thousand people that will be forced off BadgerCare, or $1 for every thousand children that will be forced off BadgerCare if Walker gets his way.

As I have written in columns for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Capital Times, and many other newspapers across Wisconsin, Walker’s savage attack on the health security of Wisconsinites already reeling from the worst jobs crisis since the Great Depression is happening because Scott Walker thought it was more important to give large new tax breaks to large corporations and the wealthy.

Citizen Action of Wisconsin is working tirelessly to get the word out. We are the only Wisconsin organization deeply involved in the health care issue with capacity and credibility to make BadgerCare a major issue in the recall elections.

You can help give us the resources to educate voters about Walker’s attack on BadgerCare by giving a special Thanksgiving gift of $65 (that is $1 for every 1,000 people Walker wants to force off BadgerCare) or $29 ($1 for every child that will be forced off BadgerCare).

Unbelievably, Lt. Governor Rebecca Kleefisch recently launched an ad which claims that the expense of running recall elections will take money away from health care for the poor. This is stunning, given that she is part of an administration that is seeking to force 36,000 adults and 29,000 children off BadgerCare.

The most certain way to prevent crippling cuts to BadgerCare is for Scott Walker and Rebecca Kleefisch to be voted out of office.

You can help give us the resources to educate voters about Walker’s attack on BadgerCare by giving a special Thanksgiving contribution of $65 (that is $1 for every 1,000 people Walker wants to force off BadgerCare) or $29 ($1 for every child that will be forced off BadgerCare.

Thank you in advance for your strong support!

Happy Thanksgiving from the entire Citizen Action of Wisconsin team.


Robert Kraig
Executive Director

P.S. If you wish your contribution to be tax-deductible you can support the non-partisan issue work of our charitable arm, Citizen Action of Wisconsin Education Fund. (click here, CAWEF donation page)

So next time some buffoon wants to know why you are soliciting signatures for our beloved governor's removal, tell said buffoon about what Mr. Mange Walker intends to do with the cutting of BadgerCare!

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AMERICA WANTS WEALTHIEST AMONG US TO PAY THEIR FAIR SHARE

The chairs of the congressional super committee just made a huge announcement:
The super committee will fail to send a deficit reduction plan to Congress before its deadline this week.

Progressives demanded that the rich pay their fair share, or no deal, and Democrats stood strong.

Democrats tried to craft a compromise with Republicans that included the 1% paying their fair share, but Republicans refused to budge. So Democrats walked away from the bad deals Republicans offered, just as hundreds of thousands of progressives asked them to do.

This news means that Congress will have no fast-track path for dismantling crucial programs like Social Security and Medicare.

Progressives are debating this big news at a special discussion page on ProgressivesUnited.org right now. See what they have to say and weigh in.

Hundreds of thousands of your fellow progressives around the country petitioned the super committee or contacted members directly, and this outcome couldn't have happened without progressive action.

We prevented a bad deal from the super committee, but the fight isn't over. Republicans have shown that protecting corporations and the 1% is their top priority, despite an overwhelming majority of Americans wanting the wealthiest among us to pay their fair share.

Now we must take the fight directly to Republicans, and force them to explain why protecting corporate tax loopholes is more important than preserving Medicare; why cutting Social Security benefits is better than asking the wealthiest individuals and corporations to pay their fair share in taxes; and why coddling corporate America is more important than standing up for average working families.

Progressives are debating this big news at a special discussion page on ProgressivesUnited.org right now. See what they have to say and weigh in.

We must not, and will not let up, in this important fight. Thank you for uniting with progressives,


Russ Feingold
Founder
Progressives United

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A PERSONAL NOTE: I laughed out loud when it was announced that there would be a "Super Committee" that would work on solving our problems, consisting of half Republicans, half Democrats. Anybody with a lick of sense knew this idiotic scheme was doomed to fail from the get-go! The Just Say No Republicans have doomed every attempt at solving the problem in the Senate. Why would a stupid half and half committee produce anything different????

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HOLY SHIBIT! LAST ENTRY AUGUST 9???

I opened my blog to find out when last I contributed and was astounded to find that I haven't written since August 9th! Wish I could say that there is a good reason why, but either there are none or I don't really want to go there.

Many of my closest friends assume that because I haven't written here it means I am deeply depressed, but the answer to that is: NO MORE THAN USUAL. Decided to publish the silly picture to prove I still am sane (or insane) enough to have my sick sense of humor still working.

The hardest part of making this practical joke work is dislodging the cardboard roll from a full roll of toilet paper (note shreds) and then re-inserting it for the pay off!

A lot has happened since August 9, much of it a blur as I am a senior citizen. I have worked several gigs, all of which were very satisfying to both performer and audience. Last week at the behest of my pal Jay Moore, I performed for the Chippewa Triniteam Joy Day for Senior Citizens at the Knights of Columbus Hall on Pumphouse Road and it was one of those "All the more fun because I am doing it from the goodness of my heart, not for money" gigs and I really rolled!

Over the late summer I got really caught up in the Brewers' quest for the World Series and although they fizzled big time in the playoffs, it sure was fun while it lasted. Now I see that Fielder is at $100 million dollars a year! That is just insane! How screwed up are our priorities in this country????

Now It is Green Bay Packer time again - bread and circuses for the masses to keep them from looking where they shouldn't - like at the Occupy Wall Street Movement, which I heartily approve of.

And speaking of the greedy, the move to remove our illustrious tyrant in Madison has begun and the little guy with the mange is already sweating bullets as that movement collected 105,000 signatures within 48 hours of opening the petition drive! Only 430,000 to go.

Every time I hear a sound bite from the Republican candidates for President I wonder how in the hell any of them could be elected! Herman Cain? Imagine there's no pizza.

Have you ever had a Godfather's Pizza? I have (once) and it is very easy to imagine there's no pizza. And now the Republicans have declared that pizza is a vegetable. No, Herman is a vegetable (with big groping hands).

I took a homeless friend of ours in for a month here at the office until such time that the friend could finally find an apartment. Maybe that will help keep me out of Hell?

I wouldn't count on it.

Lately I have been opening my show this way:

"GOOD EVENING. YOU ARE LOOKING AT ME AND I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING ... YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT THE WISCONSIN NURSING HOME ASSOCIATION HAD A WORK RELEASE PROGRAM. BUT I AM LIVING PROOF. DON'T ASK HOW OLD I AM - JUST KNOW THAT I AM SOMEWHERE BETWEEN NEVER TRUST A FART AND HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP."

And lastly, a football joke:



This guy walks into a bar wearing a Minnesota Vikings jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Vikings jersey on with a little Viking helmet too.
The guy says to the bartender, 'Can my dog and I watch the Vikings game here? My TV at home is broken, and my dog and I want to see the game.'
The bartender replies, 'Normally, dogs in the bar would not be allowed, but it is not terribly busy in here, so you and the dog can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there is any trouble with you or the dog, I'll have to ask you to leave.'
The guy agrees and he and his dog start watching the game
Pretty soon the Vikings kick a field goal and the little dog jumps on the bar and walks down the bar and gives everyone a high five
The bartender says, 'Hey, that's pretty cool! What does he do for a touchdown?'
The guy answers, 'I don't know, I've only had him for 3 years!'

I told you it was a football joke - just like dem dere Wikings!

TALES FROM THE ROAD

Yesterday I spent most of the day in the waiting room off the surgery center at Luther Hospital because a vEry dear friend of mine was having some serious surgery.

I sat with Bob Carr, a mutual friend and another "theatre person" and to pass the time, I started relating "road stories" at his request.

When I got home late yesterday I decided that they would be a good topic for my next blog. So here's what we talked about yesterday. I may already have blogged about some of this - hell, I can't remember!

At one point early in my career as a traveling comic, back in the days when comedy clubs were fast replacing discos, I was asked to perform in Madison with the Madison Comedy Coop.

By the time the show got underway, the patrons had a pretty good buzz on - and the comic who preceded me was a young woman from Madison. She got up to do her show and the mostly male audience gave her a pretty rough go of it. So when she came down from the stage, she was not in the best of moods. she went directly to the bar and bought herself a strong one.

Meantime, the MC is up on stage doing a few transitory jokes before introducing me. The young woman comic comes back into the crowd and is standing about eight feet in front of me. Then some dipshit moves between me and her, and I see him reach around her from behind and squeeze her left breast!

She, in turn, wheels around to throw her drink in his face. But he ducks and I get the entire drink, ice cubes and all, right in the face, just as the MC says: "put your hands together for Larry Heagle!"

I went up and did my show, totally ignoring the fact that I was soaked with a drink. I never could find the gal after the show.

Years later, while touring to the west, I worked with a woman comic. The second night, before the show, she walked up to me and said: "you don't remember me, do you." I said no. She said "I threw a drink on you in Madison once".

Before I found an agency that booked me exclusively into comedy clubs, I worked bars all over the Midwest doing four hours a night with my guitar.

One week I was working in a bar in Davenport, Iowa, not far from the John Deere plant. Consequently, a lot of the customers were John Deere workers who came in after shift.

There was a guy, a regular, whose nickname was "Bear" and it was an apt nickname as he was huge and hairy.

One night I am at the bar, picking up a beer on break when a gaggle of college girls come into the joint. they are totally out of place in this joint, but they gather at a large round table facing the stage and order mixed drinks.

They are very noisy and boisterous and B ear turns to look at them. He says: "What are THEY doing in here? They don't belong in here."

About that time, one of the gals throws some money in the juke box and a very loud version of "Black Betty" comes blasting out of the machine.

As I get up to go back on stage, Bear gets up and walks over to their table, steps up on an empty chair and on to their table, turns his back on them and drops his pants!

I am facing the women and can see the shock and horror on their faces. They flee in horror and disbelief! Bear looks over to me and says: "I told ya they don't belong in here". I am convulsed with laughter!

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One thing I learned working in bars night after night is that you don't throw a pick up line at women bartenders or waitresses because they have heard it all.

That's why my next little story is so funny to me. I am working in Wichita, Kansas. My contract is to do 20-25 minutes as a "middler" - After the opening act, and before the headliner.

The first night in, the guy who is supposed to be the opening act informs me that he is going to "middle" this week and that I should open. Knowing what my salary is, I agree. what the heck - I'll work less for more money any time.

Just after that conversation, Mr. Cocky walks up to the nearby waitress station and undresses the scantily clad waitress with his eyes and then, holding his hands out in front of his chest to signify breasts, he says: "OOOOH! WAITRESEES!
The waitress just looks at him and pumping her fist as if to represent a male masturbating, she says: OOOH! COMEDIANS!

I damn near fell on the floor laughing!

The topper? Second night in the Hot Shot from KC comes up to me and says, "I don't feel like middling this week. You go ahead."

Whatever.

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There's more -- I will continue soon.


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IT'S NOT THE HEAT, IT'S THE HUMIDITY - YEH, RIGHT!

Some folks like this kind of weather because they love to sweat and feel the sun beat down on their bodies, turning brown and beyond. I take to air conditioning and do not venture out after 8 AM until after 10PM. My heart goes out to anyone who does not have air conditioning or at least a gigantic fan!

Got an interesting e mail today I want to share:

Congressional Reform Act of 2011


1. No Tenure / No Pension.
A Congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office..

2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security.
All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.

3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all Americans do.

4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.

5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.

7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen are void effective 1/1/12.
The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen. Congressmen made all these contracts for themselves. Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should serve their term(s), then go home and back to work.
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Of course, there is absolutely no way congress would pass such an amendment - it favors we, the common citizen WAY TOO MUCH!

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Working on a song! Based on a tee shirt a guy I saw at walmart was wearing:


You Had Me at “Get Lost”

Larry Heagle, words, music, June 15, 2011


I walked up to her table
Motioned to the empty chair
“Get lost!” she snarled so sweetly
“My friend is sitting there”

But I made a move to sit down
And she grabbed the waiting chair
And busted it over my head
But, Hell, I didn’t care

Chorus:
Don’t you know that you had me at “Get Lost”
Do whatever you want to 
Honey, yer the boss
Don’t you know that you had me at get lost?
And every part of no -
Is the part I don’t understand

She grabbed a tequila bottle
Did the same thing she done with the chair
Then she kicked me til my shins was bloody
And the meat was all laid bare

She gave me a titty twister
While she kneed me in the groin
And I fell to the floor
Cryin’ “Gimme some more!”
Cuz there ain’t no where I’m goin’

instrumental solo

Her friend came out of the rest room
She musta been six foot two
From her flannel shirt
To her hobnail boots
She was woman thru and thru

And when she saw what was goin’ down
She said “we’re not thru with you”
She broke my jaw with a big left hook
I bet her fist is still black and blue

LOOKING FOR A GOOD ACOUSTIC GUITAR? GIVE FINE ACOUSTICS A TRY!

Here are two photographs of my newest acquisition in the world of guitars. This is an all solid wood mahogany back, sides, and top 000-12 fret Recording King guitar that I just received from Fine Acoustics, a store at 185 East main Street, Westminster, Maryland.

Ordering an instrument through the internet, having only seen a photograph, can be a dangerous move. However, in this case, I had one of the most pleasant experiences I have had with a music store! Hats off to Ed Smith who handled the transaction not only with a great deal of professional aplomb, but also went out of his way to please the customer.
First, Ed is very conscientious about getting your order filled and shipped as quickly as possible. I ordered the guitar on a Saturday and it arrived UPS the following Thursday!

In addition, the guitar was very well packed to prevent damage. No space was left unfilled with packing paper and he shipped it in a heavy card board box made for that size guitar and case.

When I opened the guitar case, there was additional packing under the peg head for safety sake and although he certainly wouldn't have had to, he included a very nice polishing cloth and restrung the guitar with a fresh set of strings just before he shipped it out to me.

Throughout the entire transaction time, he communicated freely with me by e mail. I wasn't made to feel that I was "a bother".

So if you are looking for a good guitar at very reasonable price and want to be treated like royalty, go to www.fineacoustics,com, look over the impressive acoustic inventory and give Ed the business. You won't regret it!

THANKS, ED!

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