WE NEED TO START A MAN BOOB CONTEST AND I NOMINATE JACK NICHOLSON!

This morning I realized as I trudged through the newly fallen eight inches of snow that had me huffing and puffing by the time I reached the steps of the bungalow that I am very desperately out of shape and have absolutely no motivation to do anything about it except make another batch of Rice Krispie Bars. God those are addictive!

Then I received an e mail from Stan Johnson, older brother to my pal Blinky and erstwhile Madison barrister which contained this magnificent photograph of a "flyover" of Lambeau Field, Green Bay. Picking up on the fact that his younger brother refers to me as LBM (Little Bladder Man), Stan hailed me with LtM, which of course puzzled me so I wrote back to him and asked if he was in fact making some sort of illusion to my recent weight gain by referring to me as " "Little titty Man" instead of "Little Bladder Man" as I seem to have grown "man boobs".

In turn, Stan sent me the photo I am including of Mr. Jack Nicholson floating about on his sail boat and stuffing himself with what looks to be a five dollar foot long. I immediately felt much better about my chest as I cannot hold a candle to the mighty Man Boobs of Mr Nicholson.

the photo does, however, give me a goal at which to shoot!

I have - except for a brief excursion home for lunch with Kim - been having just quite a time knocking around the office today - with a good fire in the stove which needs re-supplying as I type - so excuse me momentarily!

There! Ah, what a comfort it is to feed the stove like a fireman on the old steam trains of yesteryear. It is almost time for me to draw a very warm and sudsy bath, turn on Pandora Computer Radio, choose a mix of Springsteen, Delbert McClinton, Buddy Holly, Little Richard, and The Amazing Rhythm Aces and ease this tired and sore old body into a steamy paradise.

who can explain to me why my mail man does not deliver the mail on May 23 or any perfectly wonderful summery day until 4PM, but today, with eight inches of snow, I go to mail bills and find fresh vehicle tracks at my mail box at 1:30 PM?

It's a government employee thing.

In parting there's this:

'Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'

A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.

If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep.


Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.


The best vitamin for making friends..... B1.


The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.


The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge.


One thing you can give and still keep....is your word.


You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself
If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
Ideas won't work unless ' You' do.


Your mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open...


The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.


The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime! It is never too late to become what you might have been.


Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right.. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

I KNOW - TOO SCHMALTZY.

____________________________________bite me __________________________________________

GREEN BAY PACKERS CLING TO LIFE AFTER FLAG FEST

I was going to just watch the first half of the Packer/Raven battle at The Taverna Grill but the damn Packers (as you probably know) let the Ravens get back in the game in a mere 30 seconds in the third quarter, which kept me glued to my seat at the bar, drinking first a beer then 3 (count them) three margaritas. By the time the game was finally over I could have easily been picked up for "driving under the alcofluence of incahol" but the voyage of the star ship xB stayed on course with no incidents.

The win keeps the Packers "in the hunt" for a wild card spot in the playoffs, but I believe the expression is "winning ugly" and that's what this flag festival was - a very ugly victory. I don't think I have seen Mr. Rodgers throw so many wild uncatchable passes. And both teams suffered with "dropsy" all night, except for our newest tight end phenom, #88, Mr. Jermichael Finley, who made some truly amazing catches and whose fourth quarter heroic dive after catch touch down allowed me to once again breathe.

This morning I received my usual after-the-game e mail from my man in Windsor, Tom Blinkovitch Johnson. Over the past weeks he has repeatedly predicted that the Pack will be in the playoffs and that Mr. Favre will not finish the season as QB of the purple as he will have purple-hued injuries that will prevent him from doing so. this morning's entry:

"LBM: It seems I was right to be concerned but not to fear the Baltimores. It was not a game one would save for the video library, but it’s a victory in December. I stand by my earlier prediction: the plucky lads in mustard and spinach will be in the playoffs and Bert Favre will not finish the season on the playing field."
Blinkovitch

As for me, I think the part about Brett Favre getting hurt is purely wishful thinking on the Blinkster's part. I foresee the possibility of the Spinach and Mustard making the first round of the playoffs and facing Mr. Favre for the third time and with the same results.

But, hey, that's just me. Good old Ior-ish Larry.
And I curse the money grubbing programming powers that be who will not allow big dish C-Banders (a fiercely proud and loyal group) from purchasing ESPN!

It is because of their greed that I am $22.62 poorer today and have a hangover. I have not had a hangover in years and I place the blame squarely on GREED!

There, I said it!

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SEBASTIAN - A SMILE A DAY KEEPS YOU HAPPY THIS WAY!

WERE ANY OF US EVER THIS HAPPY ABOUT BEING ALIVE?








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NEXT TIME I NEED KINDLING I WILL BE GATHERING IT NAKED!

This morning in order to save my last night's coals that were still aglow in the bungalow wood stove, I had to go out into the brush nearby to locate some dead tree branches to serve as start up kindling.

I was wearing my brand new pea coat which is 90 per cent wool.  In the dim early morning light I was unaware of what I had traipsed through until I got back into the light of the office.
Once I had put my burden down, my attention was drawn to the pictured weeds that had firmly attached themselves to the soft wool fabric. I have spent time googling "stick tights" "beggar's ticks" and just about everything else that grows under the sun but could not find this stuff! All I know is that I spent most of the day today trying to remove the little bastards from my coat! You cannot vacuum them off (tried that). you cannot form a make shift remover by forming packaging tape into a circle sticky side out (I tried that).
They will not come off with a scrub brush or the fine wire brush I use to comb the cats with - I know because I TRIED THAT , TOO!!!
I even called Queens dry cleaners in Eau Claire and the gentleman knew immediately what I was talking about and I could tell by his tone of voice that he wanted nothing to do with the job - not without charging me so much that I would have to rob a bank to pay the bill.

So after I got a good fire going in the stove, made myself some coffee, turned on my computer and got Pandora on through the internet, I set about removing the offending little creepy things by hand -- one at a frickin" time!

As you can see from the contents of my garbage can, a lot of the wool from my pea coat went with the sob's. So we learn by doing. If I was a hunter I would have experienced the hell of these long long ago. I can't imagine the fun it must be to remove these from a hunting dog's coat!

I have a theory. Back when everything was being created, God was not the only one at work. He gave the devil permission to think up things like mosquitos, biting ants, wood ticks, sand burrs nettles, poison ivy, and these microscopic maddening little pieces of shit!

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Sorry - I lost it there for a moment. Here, watch this and feel better about nature:

http://www.naturesinspirationmovie.com/



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I DON'T KNOW WHO THE GUY WITH THE BEARD IS - BUT THE OTHER ONE IS MY FRIEND SEBASTIAN WHO SHOULD BE INTERNATIONAL POSTER CHILD OF HAPPY!

I just have to add this wonderful photograph of my favorite little man Sebastian who as you can see is not in the least bit afraid of Santa Claus. I have published several other photos of Sebastian and I just think he should be an international poster child for happiness around the world!

I HOPE SEBASTIAN HAS THE MERRIEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

My Christmas prayers have been answered and I have received the greatest Christmas gift of all, the safe return of my wonderful brother Father John Heagle from Bangladesh. Recently I published an e mail I received from him. Here is the one I just got in after the poor guy finally returned to his digs on the coast of Oregon:

Dear Larry,

We are home. Exhausted and weak from a lack of sleep, but home. So, for tonight a short version.

It will take me a long time to reflect on and begin to integrate the experiences of the last two weeks. What I can say at this point is that it has expanded my sense of the goodness and generosity of our brothers and sisters around the world, as well as the challenges of poverty, pain, and struggle that they face. Tonight, I listened briefly to some Republican senator from OK who asserted that the climate crisis is made up by scientists who are indebted to Obama. That evokes a sense, shall we say, of puzzlement in me. This guy should visit Seoul, Manila, Delhi, or Dhaka, just to mention the places I can claim as experiential and I'm not sure he would have been so simplistice. My eyes are still burning from the smog, the exhuast fumes, and the massive population in a small geographical area. I almost feel guilty breathing the fresh, bracing air of the Oregon coast.
I was hoping to get back to writing tomorrow, but my body and mind are so foggy, I may just have to wait, as Robert Frost says, for 'the water to clear' before I dive into that deep pool of creativity again.

Fran joins me in giving our love to you and Kim,

brother john

I couldn't ask for a nicer Christmas gift!

I REALLY REALLY LOVE MY JOB - I ONLY WISH I WAS ALLOWED TO DO IT MORE OFTEN - GOD KNOWS, THE WORLD NEEDS TO LAUGH JUST NOW

It is ten 'til midnight, the time of day when I should at least be taking my night meds and going through all the rest of the nightly maintenance required before I can trundle off to sleep, apnea mask in place but tonight I need to take a moment just to revel in what I do for a living although as of late if it were not for the support of my loving wife I would probably be homeless by now if my "making a living" wage be known.

I guess I should back up and tell you that this afternoon, out of the pure goodness of her heart, Kim had decided to accompany me to try to sell some of my "merchandise" at the Central Wisconsin Cooperative Christmas Party of which I was to be a part. but I was being a beast, snapping at her for the least indiscretion that my nervous mind might conjure. You see, when I have been separated from performance for as long as I have been this time around, I become extremely agitated because I feel that I won't be able to do a decent show. consequently I am not much fun to be around.

Feeling pressured that I was going to be late added to my discontent but once I had fed the pertinent data into my GPS I relaxed a bit as the trip was going to take a lot less time than I had projected. to top it off, I whizzed right by my destination and didn't realize it until I reached Stratford. I knew the Country Aire was north of Stratford but the little man in the GPS is not totally trustworthy and remained mum while I did a u-turn and headed back up Highway 97.

Even at that I arrived in time to set up my gear when I was supposed to while Kim set up a card table and a display of CD's a DVD, and Tee Shirts.

By the time we sat down to dinner (one of the perks of being an after dinner performer) I had finally relaxed and had chosen my opening bit. So of course after I was introduced, I started with something totally different, swung quickly into my Christmas song parodies after explaining that they originated at military and deer camps.

Here's where it gets really difficult for me to try to explain to you why I love my job so much. My opening went so well that the crowd was hanging on my every punch line and every solid laugh I elicited from them washed over me like healing waters.
I found a really good groove very early in the show, my tempo was outstanding, and my forty five minutes flew by in an instant.

to hear people laugh freely from their bellies, from their very souls is what I live for and when I had finished my presentation I could feel the warmth of my audience, touch the electricity in the room.

A woman that I had been watching throughout the show just because she was having so much fun came up to tell me so after the show. And I thanked her and told here how much inspiration she had given me to do my best.

So here I am, back at the office, nursing the stove back to life, thinking about a pot of coffee but knowing that would be a bad mistake at this juncture. I just called Kim and told her not to wait up for me. She has movie plans with Sarah on the morrow. I don't even have Packer football this sunday so why not stay up late and sleep in for as long as I damn well please in the morning?

Hey! I've earned it!

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GREAT NEWS FROM MY BROTHER JOHN

Since November 23, I have been very concerned about my brother, Father John Heagle and his fellow minister Sister Fran Furder as that was the day they departed on a long and grueling mission to Bangladesh. They had been invited at the behest of an order of sisters to come and minister not only to the sisters, but to several groups.

Since November 23 I had heard nothing from either of them which added to my worry and concern. finally this morning I received the following e mail that I wish to share with you, my readers:

We are sitting in the airport in Amsterdam at 6:30 AM, Friday, Dec 4, after flying from Dhaka to Delhi and then an all night flight from Delhi that left at 1 AM. It was an 8 hour flight, and since I don’t sleep well on airplanes, I’m already in zombie-state. We have a four hour layover here and then 14 hours to Portland—the long journey home after this challenging, amazing, and remarkable time in Dhaka, Bangladesh.

I had assumed that I might be able to have internet access with the Holy Cross Sisters, but things are a bit simpler there than I had anticipated, so this is the first chance I’ve had to get on line. After we arrived 12 days ago, we led a three day workshop for the Bangladeshi Holy Cross Sisters, followed by two days with 'Stop the Traffic', an organization that rescues and rehabilitates young women who have been trapped in the international sex trade. After that we led another three day workshop for 150 of the priests, brothers, sisters, and lay leaders of the five dioceses of Bangladesh. We also visited orphanages, domestic violence shelters, rape recovery locations, student hostels for college women, schools, medical clinics, and centers for differently-abled persons.

The people we met and worked with are such welcoming, warm, loving, human persons with profound faith and an overwhelming spirit of love and service. I have such respect for their dedication and their commitment to the people they serve. They are truly other-centered people. There is so much poverty and destitution in this part of the world, and so few resources to meet these needs.

It has been a demanding and life-changing experience for me to make this journey. At this point there are so many experiences, people, faces, conversations, events, and poignant moments tumbling around in my head and heart that I can’t find the words to begin trying to describe it. As I mentioned before we left, Bangladesh is about the size of Iowa. Iowa has 3 million people; Bangladesh has 150 million people, more than half of the population of the USA. So, there is immense crowding, devastating poverty, widespread pollution, chaotic traffic, and constant, intense noise 24 hours a day. I slept on a cot with a coconut-hemp mattress and a mosquito net, ate lots of rice and cooked vegetables, drank tea 6 times a day, and listened to the Muslim call to prayer day and night, as it is broadcast from huge loudspeakers from the top of the mosques.

The Christian population of Bangladesh is only a sliver of the total--.03 percent, so the Catholic population is even smaller. But they are a resilient and faith-filled community.

I'm coming home with multiple large mosquito bites, emotional weariness, and physical exhaustion, but it feels like it has all been worth it to listen, learn, and walk with so many gifted, generous ministers.

Well, that’s the scoop for now; I’m going to bring this rambling reflection to a close for now.