HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN:

HELLO FROM EAU CLAIRE, WISCONSIN - merchants slogan: "We don't have it but we can get it for you."

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Collecting Continues -- Outstanding Guns From History

I have always been fascinated with guns, especially hand guns. While in the army, I was lucky enough to b e sent to armorer's school and got to fire everything from the M1911 automatic pistol through the 30 calibre machine gun and all the way up to and including a 105 mm jeep mounted recoiless rifle.

Pictured are two fairly accurate "replicas" I found through the internet, one of a highly engraved single action army Colt .45 described as "The Deadwood" and the other a rendering of a flintlock pistol given to General George Washington by the French during the Revolutionary War.
I can't imagne how much the flintlock would be worth if it was real!

For a long time, I had a Colt similar to the one pictured, minus all the engraving. Unfortunately, during a really down economic period, I sold it.

I think that's why I bought this replica. I really miss that pistol! I could almost cry thinking about letting it go! Keep telling myself it is just "a thing". But it was a really cool thing!

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Received these wonderful anagrams from my friend Matt:

DORMITORY:
When yo u rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM



PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER



ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER



DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT



THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE



GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE



THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS



SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME


0A



ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY




0A



ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT



SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S



A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE



THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE



ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE




AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:


MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER


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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Prevention Magazine Is Back! HELL -- HERE WE GO AGAIN!

My wife is on that crusade that comes with the beginning of a new year -- losing weight and (cringe) EXERCISING! It's not good enough that she has made the decision. Now I must join in the festivities as well.

She reads to me from Prevention magazine. "You know Larry, it says here in Prevention magazine, if you'd just take a half an hour walk after dinner every night, it wold improve your sex life."

"Honey," says I, "I don't know anybody that lives within a half an hour of the house." It got pretty quiet on that side of the couch after that.

She is right, though. I am gaining weight again. I think it's a memory problem. I can't remember whether I exercised or not. I look down at my feet. If I've got my tennis shoes on, I figure I did it and I go watch television.

I don't tie my shoes in the morning anymore. I figure sooner or later I will drop something. I'll get 'em while I'm down there!

And now that I am in my mid sixties, I have begun to think more about death. I've decided I want to die like my grandpa did: In his sleep --- Not yelling and screaming like all the other people in the car were at the time. And when I die I want everyone who knew me personally to say:

"Did you hear?" (sob) "Larry Heagle died." (sob) (much blowing of nose.)

"HE OWES ME MONEY!"

Ah, yes, it is so much fun dealing with aging. Hair is falling out where it used to grow -- and growing where it never grew before! On my ear lobes! I could weave ear rings. Out of my nose! I am forced to trim it daily and still it protrudes garishly. I swear to God my wife is sticking Rogaine up my nose while I am asleep.

When I sneeze I look like a party favor! AHHHHHH-CHEW! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

But who's complaining. Thanks to a severe motorcycle accident I spent three weeks in rehab -- in a nursing home. I have seen the future and it's not pretty.

So I am learning to take one day at a time and squeeze the living daylight out of each bit of joy that each day offers. Who would have thought that so much love could be garnered from my two rescued kittens from the humane society?

Or just being able to sit down with the lady wife, a bowl of freshly popped popcorn, slathered in butter and another movie from Netflix?

Don't really care if it's minus thirty degreee wind chill factor tonight. Hey! I AM STAYING OUT OF THE DAMN WIND!

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

A TOAST TO GEORGE THE DUMB ASS

One of the highlights of the upcoming Bye Bye You Bastard Bush Bashing Bash will be a required toast by all present. Here is mine:

A toast, ex-Governor Bush, (I will never ever call you President Bush as you were never duly elected by the people) to you on the impending conclusion of a disastrous eight years of your screwing the country in every possilbe way:

May you return to your oft-visited “ranch” in Texas to find all the fish in your pond dead from environmental poisoning.

May you suddenly find that fish you have eaten from that pond have caused all of your toe nails to turn black and fall off

May the finger you used to pick your nose while on camera at a Texas Ranger/Milwaukee Brewer game become infected

May the next finger over which you used to give the camera the finger in an oft shown video of when you were governor be lost in a brush cutting accident

May Laura come to her senses and throw your worthless ass out

May you be sued by Condoleeza Rice for marital infidelity

May you be caught getting your butt reamed by all the Republican homosexuals that paraded by the national eye in the past eight years

May it be discovered through DNA that neither of your daughters are really “yours”

May your dog Barney take a healthy dump on all the shoes in your closet

May all future shoe throwers in your life make direct hits - preferably to your crotch

And lastly, may you somehow be forced to experience all the agony and grief of all the poor people of New Orleans in a 24 hour period, causing you to have a massive stroke which will leave you unable to speak. God knows, you never could anyway!


I wish I had the guts to say how I really feel -- guess I am just too nice a guy!





"I went to a hotel and asked the bellhop to handle my bag -- he felt up my wife."
- Rodney Dangerfield

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Today I received an e mail from Joe Davey, advocate for the Hmong people. It is something that I feel should be shared with all:

Subject: High-level Thai delegation to visit Hmong refugees at Nong Khai jail

High-level Thai delegation to visit Hmong refugees at Nong Khai jail

On January 15, 2009, a high-level Thai delegation from Bangkok is expected to visit the 158 Hmong refugees held at Nong Khai immigration jail. The visit is expected to be just another attempt at convincing these Hmong refugees to “voluntarily” return to Laos.

The Hmong refugees believe that the real purpose of these visits is to break their human spirit. The “concerned” officials always ask the group why they are afraid to return to Laos but at the same time tell them that no third-country is willing to accept them, which is an outright lie! The Hmong detainees are also told that they are not political refugees even though they have the UNHCR documentation to prove it! Then, they are told that they only have two options available to them. One, they can “voluntarily” return to Laos. Or two, they can spend the rest of their lives in this small overcrowded immigration jail (photo attached).

Much worse than suffering from the awful physical and psychological conditions at the overcrowded jail is the fact that the United States, Australia, Canada and the Netherlands have all remained seemingly silent on this issue. These are the countries which had quickly stepped forward after a failed deportation attempt some two years ago and agreed to resettle these refugees.

Now, these hopeless Hmong see that this third-country resettlement offer seems to have faded away. Because of this, the refugees are preparing to take their own lives, as they believe no one really cares about them.

Joe Davy
Hmong Advocate
Chicago

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And in yet another sobering glimpse at humanity:

A man sat at a Metro station in Washington , D.C. and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried on to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping, continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats averaged $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the Metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour. Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?

A new year ~ time for a new perspective. Happy New Year!

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Monday, January 12, 2009

EXTENDED WEEKEND IN MADISON AREA THOROUGHLY ENJOYABLE

The road trip started out with family at a surprise retirement party for my first cousin, Bonnie Allbaugh, nurse extraordinaire -- Some 100 people , mostly fellow work associates, showed up to express their love and appreciation for this little fire ball. I, of course, uploaded the photos for this blog in reverse order. Bonnie is the petite gal with the big smile in the second picture. The other photo is from Saturday night's gig with the United Coop employees Appreciation Banquet at Chula Vista Resort in Wisconsin Dells.
It was really an uplifting experience for me as I have not had close touch with Bonnie over the years -- to hear the accolades heaped upon her from staff and friends made me really appreciate her and wish that we had been closer over the years. maybe now that she is retired, we can spend more time catching up! Hats off to Bonnie's husband, Stu, who helped organize the shindig and who actually SURPRISED Bonnie!

After a good night's rest at the AmericInn nearby, I joined the Allbaugh's for breakfast at the house before wending my way up to Windsor to spend my off day with the Johnson Brothers.

I arrived at Chula Vista at 4PM to set up and when I found the banquet room I was somewhat surprised to find that there were dinner settings for nearly four hundred people. Dori Lichty, pictured, was chief organizer out of the coop headquarters in Beaver Dam. She was very warm and cordially invited me to dine with the group. I declined as I don't like to eat just before a performance.

Truth be told, I was a bit nervous as it had been expressed that a "clean show" was in order and after having performed for some 32 years, I have no idea what that means as it changes from one group to the next.
But as the how progressed and it became evident that it was going to be one of those nights where I could do no wrong, I relaxed into it and even threw in a new one liner i had written several weeks ago and was looking for the right time to try it.

After the bit about my being depressed I told the crowd that now that we had a new president-elect, maybe things would get better -- I mean with ears like that, Obama's got to be a good listener! It killed! Boffo, Man!!!

So I left the Dells riding high on adrenaline and arrived home to a spousless house about 11:45 PM only to find two very chilly kittens and the temperature at 50 degrees. the furnace fan was running, but blowing cold air.

I immediately put a call in to Smith Service and our great service man, Nick, was there within an hour. After some preliminary checking, he wandered outside and checked the LP tank and returned with the news that it was "bone dry". Chippewa Valley Energy, our carrier, with whom we are on "keep fill" hadn't -- well -- THEY HAD'NT!!!!

Nick apologized for having to write out a service call (overtime for being after hours) and was kind enough to leave me with four electric space heaters.

After an appropriate amount of loud cursing to vent before I called Chippewa Valley Energy, I got their emergency driver on the phone and managed to get to bed about 4:30AM with some heat.

Kim returned Sunday and today we went out and got thing squared away. Fortunately there is a happy ending. Chippewa Valley is picking up the Erv Smith bill by taking it off the bill for LP and they were, in fact, most apologetic.

The secretary said we should check our tank every three weeks or so -- that would help stop this from happening again. that rubbed me the wrong way, but i bit my tongue until we were in the car.

This brings to mind the old rule: If you are going to have anything break down, like a door lock that won't unlock, or a fuel tank that goes bone dry, it will most certainly happen on a weekend night or a holiday!

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Nice to hear from MSPLPCKR in the comment section - and no, that is not a Jim Zorn jersey but rather the jersey of Wisconsin native Dave Krieg who played his high school ball for Schofield High School near Wausau.

On a separate blog, I got a comment from one "Cordelia" who says: "I thought you were supposed to be funny -- at least that's what my brother told me".

Golly, gee, Cordelia, sounds like you have issues with your brother -- counseling?

And, dear, humor is such a subjective thing -- I know that's a pretty big word -- Look it up in the dictionary, babe. How's this for funny?

S-H-H-H-H! THAT'S THE SOUND OF NOBODY CARING WHAT YOU THINK.

IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, RAISE YOUR HAND -- AND PLACE IT OVER YOUR MOUTH.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS, BUT I BET IT'S HARD TO PRONOUNCE!

CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING? LIKE A NEW PERSONALITY?

Oh, now, see, Cordelia, you've gone and made me use upper case.

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Monday, January 5, 2009

WHERE'S MY HOUSE BOAT AND OLD GUITAR?

Why is winter harder to handle than it was say even five years ago? There was a time when I looked forward to snow fall as it meant an opportunity to get out the cross country skis, wax 'em up and put in a couple of miles through the woods, communing with nature - reminding myself that it still is out there!

Now my attitude as I trudge from house to office with the frigid air ripping at my lungs is: WELL, WE ARE ONE DAY CLOSER TO SPRING, AREN'T WE?

And that really is not a way to live. I had either best change my attitude or else change my latitude and longitude. something is not working. It is pretty frightening to catch myself saying half aloud while I am making a run for the nearest source of warmth tht I now understand the theory of being a "snow bird", a follower of the sun.

It makes me want to make an old pipe dream of mine come true.

Years ago, I dreamed that one day I would sell the house and auction all my unnecessary stuff and buy a good sized house boat with the proceeds, climb aboard armed with my old guitar and maps of the Mississippi river and simply follow the sun through the four seasons, stopping along the banks of the mighty river to play bars and coffee houses in river towns (I've always been attracted to river towns) to make fuel and grocery money to move on up or down the river as the weather demands.

Talk about the ultimate fishing trip!

Wow! Just putting it down in writing where I can see it brings the dream alive again.

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Going on the road for three days later this week. Taking off for Madison to help my cousin Bonnie Allbaugh retire from nursing. then I have a one day layover which I will spend with the Johnson brothers in nearby Windsor, Wisconsin, before heading north a bit to play an annual farm cooperative meeting in Wisconsin Dells.

Will be difficult to be away from Kim and the kittens for that long. We have grown accustomed to being together! But when I get back, we will be three days closer to Spring!

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Sent out our invitations to the "Bye Bye You Bastard Bush" party this past weekend. So far, two people have confirmed. Maybe nobody wants to go out in this kind of weather? They are all Republicans? Hell, it's too soon to wonder about it!

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Thursday, January 1, 2009

IT'S BEEN THIRTY TWO YEARS -- BUT WHO'S COUNTNG?

Today is January 1, 2009 - In addition to being New Year's Day, it is Kim and Larry's thirty second wedding anniversary.

Yeh, thirty two years ago, we tied the knot. Got married on New Year's Day so that I would be certain to remember our anniversary. At the time I jokingly told Kim that this way when I woke up with the biggest hang over of the year, I would know it was our anniversary time again.

Well, the days of going out and joining the throng for New Year's Eve are long gone. We never really did that anyway because most New Year's Eves I was working a club somewhere -- and that will dull the shine of hanging out with amateur drunks to all hours of the night.

Now we are lucky if we make it past the 10 PM news.

My chiropractor, Jerry Retzlaff has the right idea. He goes to a little bar on the north side of Eau Claire where they celebrate New Year's Eve with the Irish -- at 6PM -- when it is midnight in Ireland.

So it is our anniversary. We don't do much to mark it. We both express aloud that we are interested in renewing our subscription for another year and we wish each other well throughout the day, watch a few videos and then I make the same thing for our anniversary dinner that I always prepare.

Since almost all restaurants are closed on New Year's Day (we didn't think about that), I prepare what I would probably have ordered on such a special occasion had we gone out: steak and lobster. This year I have two rock lobster tails and two nice tenderloins in the refrigerator and when I finsih writing here, I will be going over to get the baked potato started.

Truth is, our marriage is still working pretty damn well! There is something to be said about mature relationships. You get comfortable with one another. Marriage becomes like a well worn pair of shoes.

It's a great way to start the new year. To be with the one person I would rather be with than anyone else!

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